14 yo boy with down syndrome who has been acting out and being aggressive.

I have a 14 year old boy with ds.  He is smart and pretty high functioning.  He is also becoming a master manipulator.  Most of the time he is a great kid who can talk and tell me whats going on and bothering him.  I know that children with ds are "stubborn" and over the years it hasn't been to much of a issue.  However lately his attitude and behavior have become a bit much.  I am thinking of contacting a behaviorist but thought I would see what other info I can get from parents who have gone through or are going through the same things.  I know that some of this has to do puberty and the fact that his hormones are raging and he just doesn't know how to handle it.  I also take some responsibility for his actions as i know that i have been babying him for far to long and have stuck my head in the sand.  Most of the time he is a sweet, loving, caring, and understanding. However when he's not those things he is a bit of a handful.  If he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do he growls or grunts and will repeatedly say no.  Just today he was at his dads house and they went out somewhere his stepmom asked him to hurry and get out of the car (he like to take his nice sweet time with everything) because another car was trying to pull in.  Well he growled at her and then punched her in the stomach.  Now he doesn't usually hit me but the growling, grunting, and pure defiance are getting old! If we aren't doing something he wants to do and is interested in he throws a fit.  I have a hard time even going to the store with him.  He will complain the whole time and ask repeatedly when we are leaving.  He is really into movies and hot wheel cars.  Anytime I ask him to do anything that is work related he has major attitude and will try and defy me.  I know that this also happens with "typical" children but my sons attitude is out of control.  His behavior has become out of control and I need to find a way to nip this in the bud.  Also with the puberty he is doing this that are inappropriate.  For example a couple of weeks ago he had my boyfriends autistic son (i should mention that my boyfriends son is 10 and nonverbal) the bathroom with him.  My son had his pants down and was standing in front of the toilet and was telling the autistic child to hold his penis for him while he went potty.  I was at work at the time and when I came home and asked how his day was and if he had behaved he actually did admit what he did and knew he was in the wrong.  Just testing boundaries or is there more to it then that?   I have been doing some online research but would really like some other parents thoughts and how they have been handled these sorts of situations and any constructive input.

[stpmomlvsher98]

i truly wish i could give words of advice or direction for you. but, i did want to let you know that you are NOT alone in this.  i am the step mom to a 14 yr old girl with ds.  it almost seems the day she turned 13 last year, she changed in behavior.  she "attacks", hits, bites etc about things that are normal every day things like putting dirty dishes in the sink or putting clean clothes on. i know it is a lot to do with her age and what goes along with it. she is non verbal though. but she does speak some words, roughly 15-20 words, some better than others. she does communicate physically very well though.  when out of the house, for the most part, she is a great kid. but, at home, she is totally different.  she is the same height as me now and is very strong. i'm searching on line as much as possible to find out if there is anything i can do or what can be done. but, all i am finding out is that this is a very very very common issue with ds people.  doesn't exactly make me feel better and it seems no one really has any answers on how to deal with it. she will lunge towards us, bite us, hit us, go after us etc.. she screams on the top of her lungs (she has a "whispery" voice normally). we have mastered pinning her down to get her to settle down and to keep ourselves safe as well. i don't like doing it, but, i need to keep her safe and ourselves safe too.  i hope you find the answers you are looking for and i certainly hope you are willing to share with us!!  i know i will if i find out anything.  i love her dearly and plan on adopting her, she is just scaring me with her extreme aggression.

[deenie1831]

After no sleep last night .im not sure i will make complete sense here..but...here goes...My son is 21 and we have had some major chan,tips
in our house,,,my son and grandson have moved in temp....Coty (the son with ds) had a huge meltdown last night, hitting me and hs stepfather after i told him to not yell at the 3 yr. old...unlike u we dont have a grasp on the hold down thing, Hes strong and can really hurt...any tips there would help.All i can say is when Coty has a huge change in his life this happens,,Maybe look for changes in her life that she feels threathened by...He doesnt do this unless the change is too much to handle...This also hapened when he lost an aide at school...just know its not anthing premeditated or meaning to hurt anyone.He loves his stepdad ..he always feels terrible after the incident,,I have today aftet giving him some time,,,explained that i will say 2 words to him before he hits and he needs to pull it back together,,,,go to his room for calm time...this works if i can catch it early,,,look for her signs...that she is loosing it...think of a phrase or words that can bring her back...takes practice buti will say we have gotten this down to about once a year instead of daily....nothing comes quickly but it will come...I am having his thyroid tested this week...have heard this can trigger some behaviors along with sleeplessness and so on.I will hope and pray this passes as ours will get better also....