Back to my old ways

This post isn't just about body image... I couldn't find a title to match what I need to write about.

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervousa in October 2007, since then my disorder has been up n down, I used to starve myself to the point that I'd end up blacking out. If I wasn't fasting, I'd cut down my food intake to a meet 100calories a day. I used to live off water and mints for as long as my body for allow. the past year everything seemed to change, I'd still have the usual anorexic thoughts but I'd binge & binge & binge then make myself sick. Some days would be a binge & purge day and others would be the days that I wouldn't eat at all :( just recently though I think I'm slowly falling back into my old habits of starving. I feel so depressed and alone. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry :'( I look in the mirror and hate everything I see. I want to cut all my fat off of my bones and just be Happy! :'( I losing my mind. I'm back at 7stone (98lb) and I don't see any difference in my body. I still look like that fat ugly repulsive mess I've always been. I just wish I had a friend who is dealing with the same issues as myself, just someone to talk to in person. :'( someone to help me through! :'( I hate this world n everything in it