Binge Eating problems

[Warped_Reflections]

so recently my binge eating has been getting out of control. I just eat all the time and I feel sick and tired all the time. I just get into this mood where I feel like I am already a failure and I shouldnt care about myself and I should just eat and be fat and miserable. I am seeing a therapist but I was wondering if anyone had any ideas for ways to keep myself from binging or to keep myself from getting into the moods that make me feel the need to binge. I welcome any ideas anyone has. Maybe some things I can repeat to myself or something I can do instead. I especially need ideas for things I can do that wont be weird to do in public because I have a tendency to binge at places like work or when I am hanging with my friends.

[Warped_Reflections]

I guess I just feel like if since I am not very skilled in anything (like I am not artistic or a good singer, or dancer, or super smart, etc) that my mental problems are the only thing I can be "good" at. And since I feel that every time I am eating I have somehow failed, I get very angry at myself. I know that this is stupid. Sorry.

Outdoor activities sound like a good idea. Plus I need to get outside more.

I like your idea of staying away from the foods with sugar as the 6th or less ingredient. Maybe I will try that. I am proud to say I was with some of my friends yesturday and I was actually able to eat just a little and stop. I felt like I was finally getting some control back.

[Zoelula]

I wouldn't get too hung up on what type of eating disorder is "okay to have", because they are all an illness and nothing to be ashamed of. Would you consider yourself a failure if you got another illness such as the flu?

Food is everywhere, but my first thought is outdoor activities like swimming or hiking. But I think what's important is that you talk to your friend and get her to support you in your desire to stay away from junk food.

Yes, sugar is in a lot of pre- made foods. You need to read labels and stay away from anything with sugar as the 6th or less ingredient. I understand your not wanting to cut sugar out completely. Do you think you can eat just a little and stop? I can only speak for myself and I could never do that. It was a lot less painful to just make a clean break then to keep struggling and failing and feeling like ****.

[Warped_Reflections]

I feel like since my main problem is now binging, that I cant have an eating disorder because binge eating disorder is not ok for me to have. I feel like I would be a failure if I was diagnosed as that.

I dont think she will stop eating junk food and food always seems to be around when we hang out. any ideas for any activity we could do that is "food free"?

isnt there sugar in almost everything? I would love to be able to just eat a little and then stop. I dont want to have to cut it out completely.

[Zoelula]

You are not "freaking out about your weight", you have an eating disorder. Two different things. I have found that for acquaintances or in restaurants I just say "I don't eat sugar" or "I don't snack", and leave it at that. Or I don't say anything besides, "no thank you". But for better friends I give more of an explanation. If she is truly one of your best friends then she will understand that you have a problem and she will support you by not eating junk food when you are together. If that's how she eats, that's ok for her, so maybe you two need to do things together that don't relate to food. Ask for her support!

When you eat "just one piece of candy" and go into "binge mood" it is because you are addicted to sugar and even the smallest amount gives you cravings. It is just like an alcoholic. Other people can have one glass of wine and be happy; if an alcoholic drinks one glass they want (need) the rest of the bottle! People ask me how I have managed to not eat sugar for 15 years. I tell them it is easy now, I just don't eat ANY sugar and I have NO cravings. When I was trying to stop I was caught in the cycle of eating a little and then binging. It is physical as well as emotional. This is what you learn in OA, to break that cycle.

[Warped_Reflections]

well I dont think my problems have progressed, just changed cause before I was binging everyday I was just going between restricting and binging.

well as long as these meetings dont tell me I must "find god" to get help, I dont mind the idea of a higher power.

any advice on how to deal with food and friends? cause when I hang with one of my best friends who I always have a great time with seems to be one of the situations in which I binge the most. She doesnt worry about eating healthy so we always end up buying junk food and I feel like I just cant say no. And once I start eating even if it is just one piece of candy, my brain goes into "binge mood" and by the end of the day my stomach is usually sick from all the food I have eaten and I feel like the biggest failure ever. I want to hang with my friend and I dont mind being around food but how do I control myself? I can never seem to just eat a little. Plus when I am feeling guilty I dont enjoy as much the time I am spending with my friend. Plus she gets annoyed when I freak out about my weight. uggg....this is all very frustrating.

[Zoelula]

Hey anger is human! Eating disorders, unfortunately, progress, so if you were able to control it for a time, you may no longer be able to do so and need more help. That's ok!

No, you don't have to have any religious beliefs to attend OA. Meetings vary, some are more traditionally religious. But ultimately the idea is of a "Higher Power". What that means is something greater than yourself. For some people that IS god in the traditional sense. For others it can just mean trusting other people who've been there, or OA itself

[Warped_Reflections]

I dont think I could count the number of times I have promised myself, "I wont binge,"
I think I get even more upset with myself because I use to be able to resist binging all the time and I feel like I want that "power and control" back.

Maybe I will give OA a try. It sounds like a good place. I have a question though -  dont you have to believe in God? cause I am not religious.

well I am glad that my getting mad is ok. I never actually yell at anyone but I was feeling bad for feeling mad at people cause I thought I was just being a b****.

[Zoelula]

It's not about being able to "control ourselves". We are not people without will power; we are people with an illness. OA is a twelve-step program and the first step is "I'm powerless over my disease." How many mornings have we woken up and sworn to ourselves, "I won't binge today" and then we do and are miserable by the end of the day. I can still remember how bad that felt, day after day. But that being "powerless" doesn't mean we can't get better, it just means we can't do it with will power.

As for your reaction when someone calls you out on the binging? Of course you get mad at them! They are tapping into all that shame that you feel inside. Eating disorders are about shame, shame for eating, shame for weight, shame for who you are. But shame doesn't usually make us do good things, it makes us give up, we say "f....it!" So you get mad and you want to "eat at them". Eating disorders are also about control. Sometimes we feel like we have no control over anything in our lives. So someone telling you what to eat is just taking away more control and that *****!

It sounds like your parents are supportive; perhaps they would take you to an OA meeting and after that one you could find rides. Having the support of others who have been through it is amazing!

[Warped_Reflections]

I think my coworker has just always been insecure about herself and also she is an adult (middle aged) and she said when she was a teen she was very popular and part of me wonders if she is saying this whole "I bet I have a eating disorder" as kind of like an attention grabber. well whatever, she is gonna do whatever she wants.

My parents do know I have a problem and they are the ones that take me to my therapy appointments but I guess it would just be akward for them to take me to OA meetings cause I dont want them asking me questions about it. They are very protective because I am their only child.

I also had a question: why is that I dont want to binge and I wish I could stop myself when I am binging but when someone calls me out on my binging like I am eating a bunch of food and then I want to go order an ice cream or something and someone says "do you really NEED that ice cream?" I get really mad at them and I still want to eat that ice cream or whatever food it is that is next on my binge. Shouldnt I be able to stop myself since someone has called me out on how much food I have eaten? Shouldnt I stop out of the total embarassement that I get from not being able to control myself?

[Zoelula]

Yes, there is a lot of ignorance out there about eating disorders. I said something above about sharing, but I should have said that it's a good idea to share the information selectively. Not everyone would understand and not everybody needs to know. Also being around people who are focused on diet and weight loss, even if they are focused in an ok way for them, could be a trigger for you.

Sometimes the people who fear they have their own issues are the people who least "get it" because you are bringing up things they don't want to think about. When someone is trying to push sugar on me I always wonder what is going on for them.

Are you afraid your parents wouldn't understand and wouldn't want you to get help for your problem? Could you be underestimating them? If you can get to one OA meeting then you can ask people there if they would give you a ride to the next meeting. People in OA really try to help each other out in every way.

[Warped_Reflections]

I had days when I didnt binge as much but that is when I would try to restrict. I would try to eat as little as possible and that is just as unhealthy as binging.

I dont know if my therapist does cognitive therapy, but I could ask her.

Yeah I have a tendency to beat myself up even over little things.

Well one of the coworkers who I mainly work with knows I have problems but she is always wanting to lose weight and she eat a lot (but she really is not binging.) She says things to me like, "Well I have problems. I probably have an eating disorder." And then she laughs. I just want to scream at her and say, "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN JABBING A TOOTHBRUSH DOWN YOUR THROAT WHILE YOU STARE AT THE FOOD YOU JUST THREW UP???!!!!! HAVE YOU EVER BINGED TO THE POINT OF FEELING SO SICK THAT IT HURTS TO MOVE???!!!!" It makes me so angry that she just doesnt get it.

No I have never attended OA but I wont do that till I have my liscense because I wouldnt want my parents knowing I go.

[Zoelula]

Sounds like you are really struggling right now. Have you had periods of success where you did not binge as much? What did you do different then? It's really important to build on your past successes, because we don't lose what we learned just because we relapse.

Does your therapist do cognitive therapy? It sounds like you have a lot of negative self-talk like "I am already a failure and I should just eat and be fat and miserable". He or she can help you examine the thoughts you are having that are distorted and help you replace them with more positive ones. Speaking of which, do give yourself a break! It's hard enough that you are struggling with this difficult disease without beating up on yourself because of it!

Do your friends or coworkers know about your eating disorder? This is a disease of secrecy and when we have people that know about it, then it's out in the light of day. What things do you like to do that you can occupy yourself with when you feel like binging? Sometimes it helps just to move, to walk or ride a bike, sort of walking through it. For things to say, positive affirmations like "I can do this", "I deserve to be happy."

Lastly do you attend OA? It's a great source of support where you can go to a meeting or call your sponsor when you feel like binging and you will be around people who know what you're going through.

Hope some of this helps.