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Bulimic and desperate
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Bulimic and desperate

Ive been taking bisacodyl laxatives(5mg tablet) for about 6 years now, Im a 19 year old female, weigh about 140 at 5'8. Ive struggled with bulimia since i was 13 and am now taking 27 pills a night leaving me at 135mg. I dont sleep well anymore and usually am still exhausted and dont want to get up even after 12 hours of sleep. Ive been told im in pain all night because of the noises i make from the constant cramping but dont remember since i sleep through it. I wake up about 5-8 times that i can recall to use the restroom, lately this has involved vomiting instead of the usual diarrhea. When i wake up im to hot and feel like i cant breath, my heart races to where i feel like ill fall over and the pain is horrid. By the time im done with each bowel movement im freezing and clamy. When i get up in the morning  i usually have to have coffee or some sort of caffeine before i can actually function. My heart literally hurts, I get pounding in my chest and its painful to breathe. What is going to happen to me? Is it possible to die of an overdose or just from the dehydration? Im struggling and cannot stop, I hate the way food feels in my body and only find comfort when my stomach is raw. On some occasions i find my disorder getting so bad i weigh and keep an reference of everything that goes in and out. Ive been very successful in hiding my disease from most except my husband and i want to rid myself of it before my children become old enough to notice.
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Thank you for reaching out.  I am quite concerned for you.  You do need to seek medical and psychiatric attention for your symptoms and behaviors.  Laxative abuse and vomiting can cause electrolyte imbalances that in turn can cause heart attacks and lack of oxygen to the brain.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.  Whether you know it or not, your children are unconsciously and consciously picking up on your struggle.  If not for yourself, for your husband and children seek help.  If possible, seek eating disorder specialists.  Let the medical doctor know about your bulimia.  It sounds like the eating disorder is controlling your life.  You may need a treatment program.  You can go to the bella vita website to learn more about treatment options.  Take care of you, Patricia Pitts, PhD  The Bella Vita Los Angeles, CA
3 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
Im going thru the same situation.. I love to eat but i hate when my stomach is full so i throw up.. I fell much better when empty.. I drink a bunch of laxactive pills every night.. Im 21 years old and weigh 135 and im 5'8 also and every time i see my self even fatter.. I dnt know what to do.. I have to hide this from my husband cause he doesnt understand my situation.. Cause he knew this 5 years ago and got pissed off so i pertty of on my own on this
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Avatar_n_tn
I have problems with both anorexia and bulimia.  I know the feeling of not wanting food in your stomach.  I was admitted into the hospital and put into rehab for my eating disorder.  I found it useful when I had someone take my scale so I couldn't weigh myself.  I also put up papers of positive self talk on my mirrors to cover it up to where I can only see my face.  I also wrote on my mirrors with expo markers some positive things about myself.  it also really helps to have a meal plan and keep a food diary of what you ate, when you ate, and if you purged or not.  purge can be through throwing up, over exercising, or taking laxatives.  I know it's difficult to just do these things all at once.  it took me a year after rehab to even truely admit to myself I had an eating disorder.  Think of your kids as a reason to get better.  they don't want to see there mom in pain like this.  You also need to tell yourself "I am in control" this tells the eating disorder that you aren't going to listen to it.  Next time you have the urge to purge, tell yourself that over and over again.  
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