Can it hurt to be at a healthy weight for some of my height with small body frame when I have a large body frame? And why is it since I had a granola bar on Wednesday that I crave all the foods I never let myself have???

I've been trying to lose weight since late may early June and so far I have lost 24 pounds! I have 10 pounds to go tell I reach my new goal. As of today I have reached my original goal :) 

But I'm wondering if it's alright to have a large bone frame but be at low end of a small frame for your height???
Because I am 5 foot 10 and weigh 132 pounds but have a large bone structure. 
And for my bone structure it says I should be 152-175 
Is 132 alright since I am still 5 foot 10??? 

Also since I had a granola bar on Wednesday at my friends while studying for my math exam I have been thinking of food a lot. The thought of eating usually repulsed me, which is why I one eat 600-900 calories a day. But since Wednesday I've been craving all the foods I never let myself have! 

I've hardly gave in though :) only like 2 cookies on Thursday a cup of whip cream with strawberry's in it lorry from my friends food exam. 
I feel really gross for even having that though. 
Anyways why is it since I had the granola bar I've been craving all the foods I never let myself have???

Plus EVERYONE is now telling me I am too skinny, but I HATE my stomach! I guess I realize I am skinny but my stomach is SO gross. Plus I'm really starting to hat my thighs. Anyways what can I do for my thighs and stomach???

And I know this may sound stupid but the fact that I am now only 1 pound from being under weight excites me! I know it sounds stupid but I can't help it. 

My councilor says she doesn't think I have an eating disorder. Yet anyways. Well she said if become anorexic shell have to tell my parents because It's medical so I guess that means she doesn't think I have an eating disorder. But I'm scared that I do. 

What can I do with out my parents knowing???

[Libby2999]

I've learned (I have a large bone frame too) that we are going to be destined to weight slightly more. I hate having a huge rib cage, like huge! It makes me stomach look so big and most guys have more curves than me cuz of it, but it's also good cuz I don't lose my breath that easily. Like I can run and while people stop to catch their breath I stop to rest my legs cuz I don't run out of breath. Your 5 inches taller than me and we weight the same. I say 130 for you is beyon perfect.

You whant a flat stomach and nicer thighs? Eat to maintain your weight and do sit ups and thigh squeezes. Instead of poising muscle you'll gain muscle witch in order to built muscle and sence your eating enough you'll burn fat and in about a month if you stick to it you'll have a nice stomach. Trust me on this.

Also I don't want to be mean or anything but you will gain weight if you eat less than 1,000 calories. Try eating atleast 1,700. Thatsll maintain about your weight bur I can say for sure. Also don't take this offensivle but I think you have a eating disorder.

[Bran_Bran]

I know I need to eat more, I just can't. It kills to much! And your not being mean at all :).

And yes I think I do to. Actually I am 129 pounds now so I am officially under weight no matter what my frame. I know it's stupid but that excited me because it means I'm skinny! I still have 7 pounds tell my goal though! Though I'll probably lower my goal to 115 once I reach 122. Not cuz I think it's a better weight. Because I LOVE losing weight. And as untrue as it is I feel I can't be too skinny.

The only thing is my councilor doesn't think I have an eating disorder. So I'm not sure. But I'm pretty sure I am.

I don't even eat lunch anymore, just have water!
Cuz water makes you lose weight!

Well I'm not sure if I'm medium or are framed. I think I may be in-between
I'm always out of breath though always have been. I'm also asthmatic though so...

Ya I hate having a HUGE rib cage as well makes me feel fat!

[skydivediva]

If everything you've posted & told me is true, Bran, your councilor is mistaken. You do have an eating disorder. Each time you reach a weight loss goal you set---goals that are already too little for your height and build---you set one that is even lower. Can't you see that you are never going to be content, no matter what the number on the scale says, until you get professional help to see yourself---your body, your self-worth---more accurately? Please, please, please get the help you need before you do permanent harm to your body or even die of nutritional and chemical imbalances in your body.

[Bran_Bran]

Actually I realized this week my goals are fading and my goal now is to just keep losing weight. Wich does scare me.
I was talking to one of my pastor on Tuesdays and he helped me fully realize something I had been realizing for a couple months now.
In the summer one day I was REALLY down and felt like ending it all so I searched up ways to do so on the Internet. And starving was one of them. And I think I've realized that I've unitentialy been using weight as an attempt. Thing is that's only part of it. There's still many other parts that keep me tied to the obsession and he knot keeps getting tighter and tighter everyday!
The pastor I was talking to the otherday is helping me findthings to distract myself. He helped me to find some goals to put some of my determination into instead of weight.
One being since today's the first day of semester 2 my goal is to get 80s or higher in my all my classes.
Another goal is to read my bible at least 10 minutes a day.

If I am concentrating on these goals then I will be too busy to think about weight all the time.  

My councilor doesn't know that I'm underweight. The last time I talked to her I wasn't. But I'm not sure on going to tell her unless she asks. Cuz I don't want her telling my parents!

[Bran_Bran]

Any goals that I set that are lower then 122 are just numbers to work towards to help me lose more weight. I still really want to reach 122 though.
I guess the thing is after 7 months of losing weight being my main priority I don't know how to stop losing weight now. Losing weight is still all I want. I try to look up effect of being underweight to try and scare myself off but nothing fazes me. The voice with out a voice thing in me keeps saying oh that won't happen to you.
And as much as I know it will happen to me. I just can't believe it enough for it to faze me.
I guess part of the problem is my goal is to lose weight even if it means be unhealthy. So health isn't really on my mind at all just losing weight!

[skydivediva]

I'm glad, Bran, that your pastor is helping you. I think it's a very good idea to set other goals to work on---good grades in school, maintaining the strong faith you already have and increasing it through reading the Bible. I don't think, however, that that is enough without the professional help link, too. You mention how your goal to lose weight isn't to get healthier/reach a healthy weight---just losing weight has, all own its own, become the goal. That is a clear symptom of an eating disorder...especially so when you realize that further weight loss is unhealthy and could be harmful or even deadly. I know you must be sick of hearing me say it, Bran, but I really have grown to care about you, so I must say it again: This is NOT a battle you can win alone or even with the support of your pastor. You need the help/support of your friends, family and a professional counselor. You can't keep this secret anymore. When you do, it allows "the voice"---the illness---to control you. You need an army to fight this. God will help you, but not by magic---He will help you by enlisting your friends, pastor, family, school counselor and professional mental health/ eating disorder counselor to work together to support you. But that can only happen when you are brave enough to stop listening to the voice and to take the step of asking your school counselor or your doctor to refer you to a mental health/eating disorder counselor. Please, Bran. I think you are brave enough to seek help...prove to me that you are brave.

[Bran_Bran]

I realize I need to talk to someone. But for now I just want to stick to my goals. Because if I'm concentrating on my goals I'll have no time to think about my obsession. And maybe over time I'll forget about it. I don't think I'll ever forget it was/is there but maybe I'll forget what held me to it!  
I talked to my youth pastor last night. She said she thinks I look skinnier since the last time she saw me, wich was Sunday. And since Sunday I've lost 5-7 pounds (not sure exactly because on Sunday when I weighed myself I weighed myself 3 times sighing the same minute and everytime the number went up)
She said she noticed my shoulder blades sticking out threw my shirt.
And I was trying to tell her I'm technically underweight now but I couldent find the words to finish my sentence but she new what I was talking about and finished it for me. So I guess she thinks maybe I look underweight. I don't know. I don't feel I do. I still feel my stomach isn't flat. But I'm starting to realize that that's probably going to have to be done with toning it up threw exersise.
She also said I need to up my calorie intake so I can maintain my weight or even put on a couple pounds. And she was sure to tell me wich won't hurt. She said I need to up my calories and and that I have probably have my body trained into burning calories.
Her and I are going to talk more hopefully sometime this week. She said shell send me a facebook inbox to say when.

But ya so I guess I know I need to talk to someone professional I just don't want to admit it! Plus like I said I want to see how far these can goals get me! Now I'm just waiting anxiously for home work! Wich I guess there won be too much because I have art, English,gym and gym this semester. But maybe once health starts in gym and hopefully there's more homework this year for English then last year.
Anything to distract me!

[skydivediva]

I am going to be blunt, Bran_Bran. You say you "want to see how farhese goals can get me". Where they will get you is, at best, unhealthy and at worst, dead. Working towards these goals will NOT "distract (you) from (your) obsession. These goals ARE your obsession. PLEASE, talk to a professional.