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I really, really hopes this helps and doesn't hurt the situation when I say this, but your best bet is to make sure you are eating enough. I know it's not easy, but ultimately the restriction in calories will slow metabolism and eventually make it much easier to gain. If you fear weight gain, the best thing you can do is not mess up your metabolism by restricting. Feel free to message me or anything if I can help in any way.
It seems that you are on your way to an eating disorder. This is a difficult problem to resolve by yourself. It would be helpful to see an eating disorder specialist. Check out eatingdisordersadvisor.com and somethingfishy.com for help
Eating disorders begin in the mind. It is very important to address these concerns with a professional. The sooner you seek help, the easier it will be to re-establish a healthy relationship with eating and weight.