Eating disorder again?! Need help!

[tinkybell]

Hi everyone,
I don't know what to do anymore and need some help.

About three years ago I was anorexic. For some reason I just stopped eating from one day to the next and dropped far below a healthy weight within a couple of months. I am 5'5 and the lowest weight I carried was about 95lb. Before the problem started I had about 130lb.
I don't know what triggered it but I was able to maintain this unhealthy weight for over one year by eating less than 1/4 of the daily recommended calorie intake. My family was very concerned and my primary care doctor wanted to put me into a hospital but then I met my fiance and moved to a different city.
All of a sudden this whole weight/eating issue wasn't a problem anymore. It seemed to have disappeared as fast as it came. I enjoyed eating whenever and whatever I felt like. I realized I gained weight again but it didn't seem to bother me.
Until a few months ago.

Some days I am fine and I like to eat but I would say about 3/4 of the time I feel totally guilty after eating and I am disgusted by food or the smell of food. When I look in the mirror I am totally disgusted.
I started trying to lose weight again but in the beginning it didn't seem to work. My partner is aware of my behaviour and took the scale away. I did not realize it but he said the last couple of months I was weighing myself a few times a day.
I know I am losing weight because my clothes are a getting baggy but when I look in the mirror I see something different. The last time I weighed myself I had 130lb.
For some reason I feel so terrible. I reduced my calorie intake to maybe 500-600 a day, I dont want to eat more than 10-15 grams of fat a day. The problem is my blood sugar drops very often and I then I have to eat something to raise the level again, or sometimes I have cravings and it takes a lot of self discipline to not eat.

I dont know what to do anymore. This whole eating this is bugging me so much, I am calculating all day long what I can eat and what not. I am trying to hide in baggy clothes because I feel overweight.
I am so confused.

Jasmine

[terry75]

I also go into these little phases where my body just doesnt want to eat. Its horrible as I love my food. It is impossible though when I go through these phases to eat anything I dropped from 54kg to 49kg in 2 weeks and I dont know how to start again. I am quiet worried but I keep telling everyone and myself that it is just a phase and I will start eating again. I dont like going below 50kg. My husband gives me an amount that I must eat, but when he goes out of the room I tip most of it in the bin because I know I cant do it. I am trying to eat a little more at a time to get back into eating but it is soooo hard. The weird thing is I dont know why this happens I need help because I know skinny people look horrible. I have had to stop going to the gym because it will make things worse and I am sure my weight will fall dramatically. I dont consider myself as having a eating disorder so is there any where I can get some help and fast pleasssee.

Terry