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Had it together and no lost
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Had it together and no lost

I used to weigh 378 lbs (seriously) I lost 200 lbs on my own via Weight Watchers. Threw the last few years I have suffered from bulimia due to my need of constanly feeling like I need to lose weight. I suffer from this now so bad that it makes me angry, depressed, and hate myself even more than when I weighed over 300 lbs. I dont know what to do. I tried therapy and meds, but I cant stop. Every day I feel like is a new beginning, but always ends up in the vicious circle of binging and purging. I cant believe Im at this point because in the beginning I was able to lose weight the RIGHT way. The only way by eating healthier and being active.. Now it feels like I lost that way of thinking. Any help I can get wld be greatly appreciated and desperately needed !!
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Yes, you solved the weight problem by will power, proper thinking, strong motivation and group support.  But you didn't get rid of the obsession with food, the mental dependence on it, and that is the problem now.  I have written a book on this subject and have a website with a 12 session program that helps you master the obession. I suggest you check it out at
Congratulations on the weight loss, that's an awesome achievement.
Is it the need to lose weight or is it the praise from the weight loss that you need?
Probably it is neither.  It is probably more about how you feel about yourself as a person.

I expect the binging and purging leave you feeling out of control and that is the source of some of your negative emotions.
Those negative emotions are OK as long as you use them to your advantage.  They are there to show you that something is not how you would like it to be.
Anger is good if you can use it to motivate you.
Your thoughts and feelings can either be constructive or destructive.

It sounds like you have a very black and white way of looking at things.
I do this too, especially around food and dieting.  During a binge phase I'll give myself permission to eat (basically everything) because tomorrow will be a fresh start.  I have trouble with balance and seeing I don't have to eat everything today because tomorrow and the day after that, etc are new days and I can include some of the foods on those days.  For me I either don't see those days or can't give myself permission to eat forbidden foods on those days when I am supposedly dieting.  It makes that moment extremely ugly though and leaves me feeling stressed, anxious, hurt, angry, frustrated, upset, depressed, disgusted, ashamed.  Out of control and powerless to change my behavior.

Usually the behavior masks underlying issues.

I bought a copy of Dr Gould's book at Xmas time to help me (and my family) overcome emotional eating issues.  I thought it contained some good resources and I was looking forward to indulging in some self-help in the process.  I haven't been able to read it though. Some day soon I'll need to look at why I'm so resistant to change and address what my weight is defending against.  Maybe then I will be able to achieve a consistently stable weight.

Maybe you feel like you're depriving yourself with the food and punishing yourself with the exercise??

I think you should discuss this with your doctor and perhaps look at re-engaging in therapy.  Dr Gould usually advises talk therapy.

Also, you could try the doctors website.

One of my previous T's had a website too that had some interesting stuff.  She's changed it around heaps and I don't think it's nearly as good as it was before but it could be useful.  I think the address is:

I hope things start to look up soon.

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