Helpp

Hey, im female and 19.
In the past i've been so concious about my weight as are many people, but a few times, i've just completely stopped eating. Last summer well april time last year, everything just went out of control. I just wouldnt eat for days, then i started taking lax's... then i started going out with my boyfriend, who eats a lot, so it made it much more difficult for me to avoid eating, i started to gain weight so i started purging. I eventually stopped, i cant remember why and i stopped taking lax's.
But the thing is now, i am so down all the time and always concious of how i look because i just feel so huge! i weigh less than i used to before i started messing up my body! and i just loook bigger than i ever have! but i also have the thing of .... if i dont eat for say, 1 day... i look at myself and i feel great! but then the next time i eat, even if its the tiniest thing... i just look straight at myself and and just feel hugee!
thinking litterally..., thats impossible! you dont just gain weight at the click of your fingers!!! i dont know what to do cause its getting me so downn!!!
I just want to be back to normal! but im so scared of going to the doctors cause it sounds like im just attnetion seeking!!!!

[Zoelula]

I'm glad you posted here, and please do not feel as if you are "just attention seeking". You have a problem and you need help with it. But that problem has a solution and you can get recovery from the eating disorder behavior you are experiencing. The good news is you are asking for help when it hasn't been that long that you've been experiencing it so it makes it easier to get recovery. I have 15 years recovery after a lifetime of an eating disorder. I'm at a normal weight and I eat normally and don't worry about it at all. Sounds simple but to me it is a miracle. You can get there too! You do need to talk to someone about your problem. If you talk to your doctor he can refer you to a therapist who has experience with eating disorders and can help you. You also can go to a meeting of OA Overeater's Anonymous which is for all types of eating disorders and you will meet other people who are going through what you are. If you live in a large city they even have meetings specifically for young people. Please get some help or it will get worse!