At first it started as wanting to lose abit of weight. Maybe like 5 pounds. The BMI had told me I was over weight. So I cut down my food. And would go for 3 bike rides a day (1 hour each). I would skip meals, ditch friends to work out. Leave the house to say away from food. In 4 weeks I lost 15 more pounds.
But it wasnt enough. I ate less and less. I would chew gum all the time and drink tons of water. On my boyfriends birthday he forced me to eat. Cake. I ate it. For him.
I cried. Biked to the store and bought laxitives. I took as many as I could. Then id take them everyday until I ran out of them.
I lost 4 more pounds. (2 months of dieting altogether)
I would starve myself for days. Then.BAM. eat toast and popcorn or watermelon. Then throw it all up. Because every calorie counts I told myself. Everyone. I had to get it out. Id throw up in the shower, outside, in the bathroom, anywhere I could. Then take lax and work out for hours.
Today I feel like I need help, but I dont want it. I want to be thin, its something I can do righr. That no one can control except me. today I threw up. I ate 1/2, a cup of strawberries, 8 baby carrots and tea.
I have developed depression & anxiety. I began to self harm and starve myself. I also suffer from short term memory loss due to the 3 sever head injuries I have had. I have been sexually, physically and verbally abused. By people I loved, peop
aww I am so sorry you have been hurt by people *hugs*
you are right though in thinking you need help, I was the same way about 6 years ago and the road is rough to getting better but it can happen and you will be okay :)
I am here if you need to talk or have questions about finding help. even if you just need to vent send me a message and I will listen.
I am not sure how old you are but I turn 22 next month
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