I feel so fat and I'm getting scared :\

I'm scaring myself a lot lately. I'll start out by saying I have really bad anxiety and depression and I am a recovering cutter. Since christmas is coming, I don't want to have any fresh cuts on my arms for people to notice. I've been doing well, but I've started eating less as an alternative. I've never had a good eating habit, and I go through times like this once in a while, but I'm really scared this time.. I look at myself in the mirror and feel disgusted by myself. Deep down I know that I'm not fat... I'm  17 years old, 5"3,  116 pounds atm.. I've got a really slim stomach, but I sadly have inherited big boobs from my mum. I'm a 36D, which is pretty big for someone of my size!! I think thats a lot of the reason I feel so fat. But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm counting calories again and the past few days I've only beenn eating approx 500 cals. This scares me so much. I don't want this to be a problem, but I know it's already starting. What can I do to feel better about myself and not hate myself with every calorie i eat?? please help :\ any suggestions are appreciated.

[beachbunn1986]

first off im sorry your going through this im a recovering cutter as well , in the morning when you wake look in the mirror and find 5 things you like about yourself it sounds corny but it really does work.  dont hate yourself you cant help the size of your boobs  i have a low body weight and would love to have big boobs lol   if everything is small and your boobs are the biggest thing on you i say relax  you have a body most women would envy!!!!!!!!!    try to find another alternative to focusing on your food   like running or yoga  aomething thats healthy . :)

[meg613]

although i'm not sure i can help i would like to say i'm going through the same thing right now and its **** i know!
i'm trying to stop cutting and have managed about 2 weeks but i've been eating very little and lost quite a bit of weight although i can'T see it.... i'm 17 too so ur not alone! also i am size 0 jeans but have huge 32 DD boobs that i hate but poeple think big boobs are sexy so don't worry xxx