Inpatient...

In three weeks my counsellors have decided that it is best if I become 'inpatient' for the next six months (minimum)...i am scared, confused and really dont want to go in! I have been and seen the ward, rooms, met the girls from day patient work...but dont want to lose control. I am panicing so much just now, and while inside me somewhere I know I NEED this but do not know if I WANT this...in fact i know I dont! It is ironic really that in order to be set free from the clutched of anorexia, I must first be locked up...
I dont know what to do...Help... :(

[Zoelula]

Hi paperapples (cute name). Congratulations on making this wonderful choice for your own future. And that's what it is...a Choice. YOU are accepting what your counselors have suggested you do. And this is true, despite your fears and hesitations. Perhaps it would help if you think of it as the healthy side of you struggling to survive, who is making this positive choice and your disease that is trying to hold you back and keep you for herself. Maybe today that "healthy self" is still a fairly small part of you and not very strong. But nurture her, let her grow and blossom and one day she will be who you are.

It's good you already know some of the girls so at least you won't be with total strangers. All the best to you.
Zoe

[paperapples]

Thankyou! I like the analogy of my healthy side 'growing and blossoming'...while the disordered half of me needs to wither for me to survive. I am scared beyond words, and know that I will be faced with things that will seem impossible...
Thankyou
xx