Is it actually a problem..

If I don't hate it, the only thing that I hate is when I binge. Sometimes, depending on my weight I can binge and feel okay. I just want someone to tell me it's society and their definition of normal which is making me feel so abnormal, and not the fact that I'm abnormal. I feel okay 60% of the time I guess, maybe. I just don't want to stop losing weight, I mean if someone didn't want to stop gaining would there be as much drama caused? I don't know, honestly I feel lost and I don't know if I should feel lost. Mostly I feel lost 'cos I'm legal of age (19) and I will never ever step foot into a doctors office for help over this. I guess I just want someone to tell me that I can control this 'cos otherwise I guess it means I'll die.

It is possible to self-help/get over eating disordered behavior? I don't think I have an eating disorder, just behavior. I feel like if I wanted to I could stop all of this, but I just don't want to yet. does this make sense?