Is this the start of an eating disorder

[Sorrow4711]

I've had a lot of issues growing up... I don't know my dad, my mum was severely depressed for years, and I was disowned by most of my family for being so different...

This spiraled into self harming... I still do it after 2 years of "specialist help"... Nothings changed... I still cut, pour wax on my body, force myself to have freezing cold baths, or at night, I leave the window open and sleep with no blanket or anything for warmth... Or I do the opposite and turn up the heat until I'm sweating.

I hate my weight. I hate how fat I am. I'm 5ft 7in, weighing 8 and a half stone... I want to be 6 at the end of it all... I really really want to be skinny, I eat 500 calories at the most a day. If I eat more, I cut deeper through guilt. I only noticed because my former boyfriend keeps pointing out my weight loss, but it's never enough... What's wrong with me...

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Hello,

I am so glad you are reaching out for support. While I cannot give you a diagnosis of an eating disorder without doing a full evaluation, I can say that the behaviors you are reporting surrounding food and the emotional reactions you are experiencing are concerning. I would advise you to speak with a mental health professional in your area who treats eating disorders so that they may do a full assessment and recommend the best course of action. I would also advise you do this as soon as possible as this may result in serious medical consequences. If you would like to know more about eating disorders and treatment options, please visit my website www.thebellavita.com.

Warmly,

Dr. Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA

[ArrogantMomof2]

You soumd like you have anorexia and other disorders...you need in treatment therapy help...

[Twigster]

You  are currently severely underweight according to your BMI calculation and should you want to go lower.  The fact of detrimental effects and/or even death is possible.

Ask yourself the following questions,

Is the current medical assistance helpful?
Am I resisting the help?
Should I seek other help?

Your 'self torture' is excruciatingly painful and extensive.  Your obsession over your weight is a secondary symptom of your primary issues.  You seem to acknowledge that you have a problem and you are reaching out for help.

Please seek out professional help before your downward spiral stops at a dead end.

The significantly low amount of calories that you are taking in daily is not enough to be fully functional.

A little insight, I was a self harmer and I am a recovering anorexic and today, I have had a stroke, osteoporosis and have heart problems due to anorexia.  I always said it would not happen to me but how WRONG I was.

Your heart could give out at any time.

The professionals can be supportive, give you tools and skills to help you. Iit is up to you to WANT the change to make the difference.  It takes time to deal with what you have been through and not having the family support you need.  

I nearly died but I am so grateful that I did not.  I never saw it at the time being so depressed and I got so anorexic that my brain could not function.  I lost my job.  I never thought I would ever see the other side.  It took me four years to get to where I am now.  I am looking for a job now.  I still have bad days, every tom, **** and harry does but that is ok.

I truly hope that you can come through this darkness to see the colours on the other side.  Deal with the pain, emotions and feelings that chain you to darkness.  You are deserving of love, cuddles and a good life.

Take good care and go gently on self.