Looking for information/suggestions

[wrathre]

Hello, this is my first time on these forums, and I'm looking for advice/information.  I'm 21, going to college, same school as my girlfriend.  We've been dating for 4 years.  She's currently 18 (19 in December).  About a year ago, her weight was about 120-125 pounds, perfect for her height (5'4).  Around last march, she started working out daily and trying to eat better, always a good practice in my opinion.  She was maybe 115 at the lowest by summer time.  Well, near the end of summer, her grandfather passed away, whom she was very close to.  Things took a turn for the worst at that point.  She basically obsesses about eating anything what so ever that could be considered bad, eats in very low amounts, works out for 2+ hours a day, on top of walking to and from class, which is another hour or two of her day.  She is currently down to 91 lbs, and still dropping.  I've tried talking with her, encouraging her as much as possible to not worry about her figure.  She shows a lot of the signs of Anorexia nervosa from what I've read about.  On the rare event that she'll do something like go out to eat with me, she'll worry about her weight for days on end after that one meal.

So, if anyone could provide me with some suggestions on what to do that could help her, on things that she needs to do, any sites that have good information/suggestions/treatment, it would be greatly appreciated.  

[Leigh24]

First of all, what a loving and caring boyfriend you are to find a support group online and talk about it.  I have had an eating disorder for over 15 years and what helped me begin my therapy was a dear friend giving me an ultimatum, either I seek treatment or she cannot be friends with me and watch me kill myself.  She also provided me with all sorts of information from my college; pamphlets on eating disorders, the names of the therapists and nutritionists in the area, groups I can join (online or in person), etc.  Every situation is very different and sensitive but she is in extreme danger.  I was in an inpatient program for 5 months and what I found was there was so much more than just a grandfather passing away.  She needs to talk about the other issues going on because it's not about the food.  She may not even know what those issues are until she seeks therapy.  I would sit the family and friends down that she knows and trusts and have a mini-intervention.  Just be prepared for denial and stubborness.  A good idea is to have everyone tell her what she means to them and some fun times they have had with her in the past.  Provide all the information for her that you can and set up an appt. with a local nutritionist or therapist that specializes in eating disorders.  Good luck with this and please keep us updated on the progress.  I wish you nothing but the best and bless her heart.  She will be okay because she has people like you in her life.

[quinster]

I've had anorexia for about 6 years now.

She's will start to isolate herself.. you need to be there for her, don't act any differently around her, treat her like your best friend. Invite her out as much as you usually do, even if she always says 'no', just calling her to ask is enough for her to feel loved. Don't exclude her from anything and be wary of making comments on her appearance. encourage her to go out with you but make sure you don't mention food if it will involve food.

Don't EVER talk about your own weight, wanting to lose/gain/diet etc etc. don't mention her weight if you are eating or have plans to go out eating or anything.

She's is not going to want help, anorexia is incredibly strong, 'she' will tell you that she doesn't want/need help, but really she DOES. Read up on anorexia, learn about it, help her find help, even if it's a private psychologist, help her make the phone call, go with her if she needs you to. Recovering from an ED is one of the hardest things one could ever do.

Make sure she knows how much you love her. Anorexia is an incredibly lonely illness.  she needs as much love and support as she can get.

[stlmom]

SHE does have an eatting disorder and it is killing her!  This is a clasic case!  She needs a treatment center dealing with ED. Try google and put in eatting disorder treatment centers. Tell school counselors/teacher/parents/doctors...anyone that will listen. She is destroying her life and deserves to be happy and healthy. I work directly with acute ED clients and it is tough but life is worth it!..Be the best friend ................get her help now!!!!  Good Luck!

[faithfulchild]

You need to be honest with her. tell her that she is scaring you and that her behaviour is cause for grave concern. Get pamphlets and other information off the internet or get some from a counsellor and show them to her.

Speak to someone in her family or yours that she trusts so that they can intervene on her behalf. Please do not keep quiet about this as this is a very serious thing.

She is not coping with the death of her grandparent, you need to get her to talk about it. She may feel that her world is out of controll and therefore she resorts to this behaviour. Please speak to a counsellor about this situation and get her to see one as well, even if it means that you go with her for support.

All the best

[anotherfinemess]

omg, this IS the eating disorder forum!! my mistake.  Never mind...

[anotherfinemess]

I think you want the eating disorders forum.  There are also some very good eating disorder sites on the web, both for sufferers and their friends and families. good luck to you both.