This forum is for questions and support regarding Anorexia, Athletes, Binge Eating, Body Image, Bulimia, Causes of Eating Disorders, Dental Issues, Laxative Abuse, Male Eating Disorders, Media Images, Pregnancy, Support Groups, Teens
So my gf is basically has every eating disorder there is. We have been together for 8 months but have broken up twice. The first time she was going through a major fasting cycle. Recently I have found out that she has started fasting again...something called a water fast. In the beginning I tried to let one of her family members know what was going on hoping that they would inform the parents bc I care about her and what kind of person would I be holding that information back knowing that they are slowly killing themselves? She called me out months later bc her mom had something in her purse. Instead of ripping me apart she thanked me. It's hard, a few hours ago she seemed perfectly happy and then finding out that she started her fast a lil over 24 hrs ago that perfect personality has turned into bitterness, and irritability. I have no idea what to do, when i bring up the topic trying to tell her how beautiful she is she gets all shy and almost doesn't believe me. I have told her I think she needs to get help, but she has been this way for like 5 yrs...she gets very weird and almost scared and just keeps saying she is fine when I know damn well she is not fine. I feel like I am just waiting for her to break up with me again like the first time during her fasting cycle. I notice that people with eating disorders almost go through a cycle, or have special cycles that they go through along with all the other crazy desperate attempts to try and cut calorie counts. I truly do care about her more then any other person I have cared about before. but at the same time this is wearing me down, emotionally and yes physically. I can't eat, I can't sleep. This whole roller coaster ride has taken a major toll on me. I do not know what to do. She does not want help, but she knows she has a disorder that is a problem. I have slipped a lil mentally bc of this and have been dealing with appearance issues, and have been fighting to stay mentally strong. It's hard. Has any here ever been through anything like this before? How do you handle it, what advice can anyone give me?
I'm sorry to hear what you and your girlfriend are going through. It is extremely hard, even for adults, to deal with loving someone who is in trouble and won't accept help. Unfortunately, until she admits she needs help there is not a lot you can do. All you can do is when she is in a good mood and seems receptive tell her in a loving non-judgemental manner how concerned you are and how much you care. But you are suffering as well and you need to take care of yourself. You might need to back away from the situation and tell her you love her but are not willing to watch her destroy herself. You have a life to live as well. Best of luck to you.
See people are always saying how you need to talk to them about it and they need to get help. Thing is it's a LOT easier said then done. Just barely bringing it up she completely changes. I have come across other pieces of information through certain sources and I don't really know if it's worth being with her. She has been through a lot and that was the trigger of her disorder, which causes it hard for her to make emotional connections to anyone. I have no idea why she wanted to get back with me. When she eats she is much nicer...probably because she can think clearly..well not entirely she probably hates herself for eating but isn't irritable towards me. I know that this can be part of a control issue and I wonder if that is why she got back with me to begin with..she found something else she can control other then her weight. I just got out of college and I need to start looking towards my interests. She wants to go on a week vaca with me next week and we have been planning this for over a month. Now I'm scared to even be in the same car with her for fear of her blowing up at me over nothing. It's such a complicated situation. Eh this probably scream red flag at everyone who reads this heh. Like get out! Save yourself while you can, but seriously I care about her and it's hard to just walk away without trying. My friends asked me when we got back together how much can you handle...right now I feel like I'm starting to find out where exactly the breaking point is.. Thank you for your advice though, it just reminds me of what I should be doing even though I feel like my mind is still clouded.
Only you can know what to do for yourself and what (if anything) you can do for her. It's like if you dive in the water to save someone drowning and they keep fighting you and trying to get away. Unless they stop fighting and let you pull them out, at some point you need to let go and surface. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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