Really scary...wanna recover...but dont at the same time

Hi...Im 18 and I posted several months ago. I weighed about 117 when it all started...and it all started innocently. I was prepping for a pageant and I wanted to lose weight for the swimsuit competition. I started out cutting back on my calories and I would throw up everything that made me feel fat. I exercised pretty heavily as well. Not too long after I was down to about 107. That was where everyone wanted me to stop. I was down to a size two in my evening gown and although i didnt lose the weight healthily...I was at a healthy weight. I kept going though. My calorie intake usually never went past 600 calories and I worked out. I stopped throwing up for the most part but stopped eating instead. I dropped down to 100 and thats where I was for my pageant. My size two dress was too big and I had to result to last minute alterations. I didnt eat much of anything the entire pageant weekend...and that continued when I got home. Only it worsened. I dropped to 98 and then 95 and now im at about 92...sometimes fluctuating to 90 and 94. I take fiber and powdered laxatives. most days ill have a shake and maybe dinner. For three days in a row I had just three small bowls of special k cereal and that was all. Plus I work and go out and work out so im active and burning calories as well. Food consumes my every thought. It controls my life. My bones poke out and a size 0 falls off of me...but i still feel fat sometimes. My hair is starting to fall out...and I have no idea what to do. I want to stop..but I cant. And I dont want to go to a hospital...what should I do?....


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