Scary weight gain

"I'm about 90 pounds and 5'8" right now. I've gained 4 pounds in the past month as I'm currently recovering from anorexia. However, I'm worried that I won't be able to stop gaining weight once I reach my goal weight of 130. I'm only eating about 1600-1800 calories a day and it's making me gain really fast. I took blood tests and my metabolism and hormone levels are normal. I'm just really scared that the weight gain will never stabilize. I'm eating diet foods basically (veggies, rice, yogurt, smoothies) but gaining off them, sometimes up to a pound in a day. Thanks for any advice anyone could give me!"

[blessedmommy1973]

I'm not a huge expert in this area, with the exception that I'm a nurse who has worked in the area of mental health and eating disorders...and, unfortunately, I've had an eating disorder for a very long time. I DO know though, from my experience not only as a patient, but as a nurse, that you are gaining weight now, because your metabolism has been so severely slowed down because of your restricted calorie intake, but it ALWAYS ends up becoming more stable as time goes on, as your metabolism kicks in and begins behaving normally. I have never seen a case where an anorexic has continued to have out of control weight gain after stabilizing their weight. From experience as an ED sufferer, what you are going through right now, is what I always called "panicked weight gain"...worrying so much that the weight gain will continue...but it won't. Your metabolism may be "normal" on paper, but that doesn't mean anything. Your metabolism has been slowed down so much, in order to keep you alive, that it will take some time for it to even out. Just know that it WILL. Your weight gain of about 4 pounds a month seems like a normal gradual weight gain, so please try not to worry too much. I always called my eating disorder "ED", and when I began referring to "him" as a nasty, abusive spouse that is trying to control my mind, I began to talk back to this "thing" and feed myself positive thoughts whenever a negative one creeped in. During my last, and my most frightening and most life-threatening relapse, I visioned myself shutting ED up, and lashing back at him using positive talk, and writing as if I'm talking directly to my disease...and it was the best thing I could do. I still struggle almost everyday..but the more I use the positive talk to block the negative thoughts, it's becoming easier and easier to keep the negativity away. Anorexia kills...so please don't let it take you over again..you don't want to end up like I was....34 years old, in the hospital because I almost died...leaving my husband and 5 beautiful children at home, worried sick about whether or not I was going to make it out of this battle alive or not. It almost took my life...and I started off a little overweight, and was normal weight when I went into hospital, so you just never know what it can really do to your body...especially if you are at a dangerous weight. As for the one pound a day...please know...it's NOT weight...it's fluid, and your body needs it. The level of fluids in your body changes throughout the month, often depending on your cycles. Keeping up with your fluids will actually HELP in stablizing your metabolism, so push through the fear, and let your body get what it needs and deserves. You're doing a great thing for yourself, and keep telling yourself that you are beautiful, and that you deserve to be healthy. If you ever want to be a Mommy...your baby needs you to have a healthy body for as long as possible before they need it. I pretty much ruined my body from so many relapses, and so many years of poor eating...all I want is to be healthy, well, and energetic...the kind of Mommy that my children deserve. This last relapse snuck up on me, almost without me even realizing it...all because I let ED control me when I was so vulnerable. Tell yourself...NEVER AGAIN....because you CAN get rid of this burden, if you kick ED in the ***! Keep going...keep pushing forward...push through the fear..the self hatred...the anger...the frustration...the panic....and you'll eventually get yourself to that place where you can feel safe again. Trust in the treatment...I never did, and I know regret it..and at 37..I'm going back to do what should have been done 27 years ago. No way will I let this control my life anymore..because I KNOW, that my next relaspse, will be my last one, because my body has made it more than clear that it can't take any more abuse. Please don't let yourself ever get to that point...FIGHT...BELIEVE...and CONQUER...you are stronger that your anorexia....:)