Support for bulimia recovery

[Kristy43]

Heres my story in a short form, I am 5 7 and used to weigh 220, was in a horrible abusive relationship where every day i was called a fat pig, i finally got the nerve to leave him and went on a diet. Accept I think i turned anorexic. It took me a year and i got down to 110 pounds. I maintained that though for about a year eating only 700 calories a day, but then i got into binging and purging episodes. I went through alot of rough times, my sister got murdered, got into yet another abusive relationship  and started bingeing ALOT, and purging when i felt horrible and fat. In the past 6 months ive gained 50 pounds, which i dont understand how since ive also purged alot of the food i would eat. But none the less ive gained. I am now married to a WONDERFUL man who is really supportive and helping me recover from this but theres only so much he can help me with. Its only been 3 weeks but im hanging in there. My questions to you guys are, does anybody know a way to control my cravings for junk? How do i keep my constant cravings for lots and lots of junk food under control? And is there a succsesful way for a recovering anorexic/bulimic to diet without becoming anorexic and bulimic again? because at 5 7 and 160 pounds now I am overweight and I would like to get myself to a HEALTHY weight this time of around 135 the RIGHT way. And also, any advice on how to be a weight of 135 without the constant nagging feeling of how fat I feel? Because at 110 I still felt so fat. So how can i get over feeling fat when at 135 i know im not? Any help and support would be greatly appreciated!

[mrskv196]

I am a recovering bulimic myself (lasted on and off for about 7 years). I had quit several times only to go back to it. I kept quitting for everyone else and not myself. It wasn't until I quit because I wanted to that I finally did for good. I actually ended up with severe thyroid disease and now have heart problems because of the bulimia. I started the same way as you with the massive dieting until I couldn't take it any longer and ate huge amounts of food which made me so sick I had to get rid of it. I noticed something wasn't right when I started gaining weight despite throwing up. I gained 50 lbs in 3 months. I am almost 5'9" and at my least weight was down to about 114. I made it all the way up to 164 when my thyroid when out (still trying to get under the 157 mark now) which made me go absolutely crazy. Even at a healthy weight when I wasn't under control of the bulimia I was always just about 125 to 135 so to be anything above that is so embarrassing. This is all because of the thyroid disorder I developed and it has been a nightmare trying to get under control. When you get the courage to quit your addiction all I can say is at first it is difficult but after a little while it gets easier. In my case I was forced to quit because of the health problems that came about because of it. I prayed so hard one night when I thought I was going to die and made the decision to never do it again. I was troubled like you with the constant desire to eat especially junk food. I did a lot of research on it and found out that apparently when you eat and purge it messes up the chemical in your brain that tells a normal person to stop. You never get that feeling of euphoria so you keep eating and getting rid of it over and over. It's not until you finally quit that that chemical balance can come back into place. It takes a little while so at first it can be difficult and it takes a lot of willpower but I know you can do it (I had points where I was throwing up 10-20 times a day so this was really difficult for me as well but after those first few weeks it all just suddenly gets easier). I can no longer really eat any junk food at all (NO Chocolate esp) because of the effect on my heart but over time it got easier and easier to deal with not being able to eat it. Now I can even sit there while my husband eats those things and not even have the desire to eat them- something that would have been impossible before.
I can tell you that when I was at my thinnest I also felt fat. Now that I've been at this weight though I just wish I could get down to the 130's. The one thing that has helped me is looking at old photographs when I was at a healthy and not too thin weight. When I was 130-135 I look back and at the time I thought I needed to loose some weight but I see now that I did look good. I think looking back at those times instead of focusing on the super skinny you can help get a more realistic view of how everyone else sees you:-)
I hope this can help you to get on the road to recovery:-)
Michelle

[marlane]

I have been bulimic for 3 and a half years now and I started binging and purging now 3-4 times a day for the past 8 months.  Could I be at risk also for Thyroid disease?  How does it happen?  At what point in your illness did this happen?  I have also been anorexic for 10 years.  

Help, Im scared.

Marlane

[mrskv196]

I'm sorry you are battling the bulimia. Every person is so different so there is no telling if you would develop a thyroid disorder but it is one of the things that can happen to people. Bulimia messes with so many organs in the body including the heart, the liver, the kidneys. I originally developed the thyroid disorder within the first few years of my eating disorder. I did get my thyroid under control though for a while but my bulimia came back full force and it was within 1 year of it being really bad that I started gaining weight out of nowhere and within a few months my heart rate started doing funny things. The problem is once the symptoms started it was too late and I have now been battling for a year to get my thyroid and heart under control. I'm afraid I did heart damage that might require surgery or could lead to an early death (I'm only 26!) This had scared me so much I just want to help anyone I can to not go through this. I wish I could have just dealt with the few extra pounds instead of all this. Please try to get help and find a way to beat this thing. If you are not showing signs of any health issues yet you might be able to beat this without any side effects but the only way is to just quit. If you have someone you trust tell them what you're going through and find help.
Take care,
Michelle