The comment I finally understand

[Warped_Reflections]

I never understood why people who suffered from eating disorders were bothered when after they had put some weight back on were told "You look healthy now." I always thought that comment would be something good to hear. But now that I have experienced it first hand, I feel like a failure. I was talking with my friend today and I had recently seen her parents and she said that her parents thought I looked more "healthy" and "better" now since the last time they saw me. The problem is the last time her parents saw me was when I was 20 pounds smaller. I basically feel like that her parents are just politely saying "She has gained weight and is bigger now." I feel horrible and I feel like I need to work harder on losing weight again.

[kgill78]

I don't know why your post compelled me to reply, but it did and here it goes.
When they say healthy, they mean that you don't look half-dead any more.  You look alive now and that's a good thing.  It means that people don't look good that skinny and they are disturbing to look at and be around because people feel the need to help starving people.  It's no different than looking at starving children in 3rd world countries.  It's disturbing and your instinct is to help them but you can't do much.
Looking healthy on the outside is a step in the right direction.  Starving yourself is not a positive step forward in you becoming the person you were meant to be.

[Zoelula]

I agree with kgill about "looking healthy". Yes, the people who said this probably did mean it in a positive way. But part of our illness is that we are hypersensitive to people's comments and tend to hear everything as a criticism, or as telling us we are fat.  That is your disease talking when it says "I feel horrible and that I need to work harder on losing weight again". Don't listen to it.

[Warped_Reflections]

Yeah I guess it was just weird cause I really had never thought that my thinking was that messed up. Also I know this is gonna make me sound very sterotypical but I really thought I wasnt that small. My friend, whose parents made that comment, had dealt with anorexia so I thought my weight would seem very large compared to her when she was sick.

[Zoelula]

Sounds like your friend's parents had some additional caring feelings behind their concern and effort to support you.

I've lived with this disease so long that I'm actually amused by how stereotypical my responses can be. It never totally goes away, but at least you can learn to recognize it and say, "oh, there goes my ED running its mouth again!"

[Rach878]

i know what you mean, not about being told i look healthy though. People are telling me i don't look good. I mean i have lost a good amount of wieght but i am at a very healthy weight for my height, so i never understood why people are telling me i don't look good.

[Warped_Reflections]

well apparently my friend's parents thought I looked "too thin" and I was still technically at a healthy weight. Rach as you probably well know, the number on the scale does not 100% determine if you are healthy or not.

I am still confused about why the comment bothered me so much. Shouldnt I be happy to look healthy?

[Warped_Reflections]

I never though one small comment about my apperance would bother me so much and trigger me back into old unhealthy habits.