Will this ever go away?

[K_C1234]

I am 15 have been suffering anorexia for 5 years and it has been the cause of depression and horrific low points in my life. I have been admitted to hospital twice and thought I managed to get over my disorder but it keeps coming back. I really don't want to have to experience it again but I don't think I can stop it from consuming me! I want to get on with my life, and I almost feel I've wasted it. Will I ever get over this?

[LeftCoastChick]

If you have access to therapy, I would take advantage of it if you can. The longer you go with the disorder the worse you will be with physical damage. I tried really hard to do it on my own. The root causes can be depression, body dysphoria and usually both, your brain doesn't translate to your actually size versus what you think is your size.  You need to keep plugging away at you disorder, you will eventually win the battle. I would suggest though, if you can go in treatment, then do it. If you are in the US, you may not get the same treatment once you are an adult.. In Canada, they have better and more accessible programs for teenagers.  Just a thought, especially when you are still growing, it could cause growth stunting, early bone loss, and all sorts of lovely things.
I'm paying for it as I didn't deal with it until I was mid-twenties. Hang it there, you will ge better.

[Zoelula]

The decision to end therapy should be between you and the therapist. Nobody can tell you when you're ready to stop. Therapy is also something you can do for awhile and then stop and then go back further down the road to do some more work on issues. You learn something each time and it doesn't mean failure to go back.

Things will definitely get better and it sounds like you're doing pretty good right now!
Zoe

[K_C1234]

Thank you! That really helped everything to make sense to me a bit more. I know the whole recovery is going to be slow but it is just so frustrating!

I had therapy but I was let out of it because they thought I could cope. I was just wondering if this reccuring again was normal. I managed to get a healthy weight again and I don't want to lose my progress! I think I will probably go back to my therapist before I change my mind and it's  too late. I kind of knew I would never get over this but I suppose  it's just hard to accept.

Thank you and good luck to you too!
KC

[Zoelula]

Hi K_C

The answer is yes and no. Let me give you an example. I have diabetes and there is no cure for diabetes; I will always have it. If I ignored it, it wouldn't go away, it would get worse, I'd feel awful and all sorts of  very bad results could happen. If, on the other hand, I watch my diet, exercise and take the right medications I can live my life pretty much despite the diabetes.

Eating disorders is a very different kind of disease but it works kind of the same way. The bad news is that you will always have an eating disorder, there is no permanent cure, and I know that is hard to hear, especially at your age. But the good news is that in time you can be, as they say "in recovery" where your eating disorder no longer has the strangle hold over your life it does today, and you can, as you say "get on with your life." You can be healthy, happy, no longer obsessed with food, maintain a good weight with very little effort, and feel comfortable with your body and with who you are. Sounds good, huh? But you will always have to keep your eye out for warning signs that your disorder is trying to creep back up on you, and then take appropriate actions long before it gets out of control. Make sense?

I'm proof of the possibility of getting better. I've been in recovery for 15 years now. I enjoy food, like to cook, but I never either overeat or undereat and I never purge. I eat three meals a day and nothing in between and I am at my perfect weight. If I gain or lose a pound or two I don't go into a tailspin. I say I'm at the perfect weight, but that doesn't mean I have the perfect body; I have things I wish were different but basically I like who I am.

The really good news is that you are 15 and you are asking about recovery, and working on your issues! I didn't get into recovery until I was 45! You don't need to waste any more of your life. Do you have support? You say you were admitted to hospital twice but what about day to day? Do you have a therapist? Do you go to OA or another type of support group? Those things are very important because they can help you look at the underlying issues that caused you to develop anorexia to begin with, and because then you will have a support network built in if you experience symptoms.

Good luck to you!
Zoe