anorexia??

hiyaa
for about 4 years now ive suffered with anorexia :(
the lowest weight ive been is about 6 1/2 stone (91 lbs)
im between 5ft 5 and 5ft 6 and im 16 years old

no one knows about it and ive been trying to get better myself.... so it hasnt been really bad as ive been trying to fight it

but... my great nanna has just died :( and i was really close to her (i was also with her when she died aswell).... so i just feel like ive lost control of everything

and i cant even make myself eat now :(.... anorexia is to strong :(

i cant tell my parents because we've just had a family member die ... so shes already upset about that and i dont want to make everything worse :(

today ive had about 300 calories and thats only because my parents cooked me a meal ... but i didnt eat it all ... i left over half of it because i coudnt even eat it:(.... also (i bet this might sound crazy) i had this voice in my head saying that i shoudnt eat it, im not worth it, im already fat so dont want to get bigger :(

please help me ... what can i do
thanks for any answers in advance x x

i havnt ate 'normally' for about 4 years so it isn't just because of my nanna .... my nanna died over a week ago :(
this has made it worse though

[allygirl234]

Hi
My name is Alyssa.
I used to be anorexic and it took me forever to get over it. The problem with anorexia is that you can ruin your body and relationships. People tried to help me but in the end it had to be my personal choice. Anorexia is not just about losing weight it has to usually do with wanting control in your life. I was sexually abused and my parents the divorced. I thought the only way I control my life was by controling what I ate. Then it became about my weight and what I looked liked. My life went down hill my friends did not want to be around me but my mom stood by me. If I were you I would tell your parent you can die just like your nanna which would devastate your parents more. I do not know your relationship with your parents if you are close or not if you are not tell a really good older friend or lady that you know. I used to hear voices telling me not to eat to it is normal. It is usually yourself you hear. I recently became a  Christian so now I think it was satan putting the thoughts in ,my head. However you might not believe that. Getting over anorexia will take you awhile you are not going to become suddenly better. It might take months. You just need to fight it. You might not believe that this will effect your body later on in life it will. You might enbd up with bone problem or not be able to have children if you do not do something about it. I was anorexic from 12 years old to 17. Now I am better. I wish I got rid of it before I was 18 because i wasted 5 years of my life obsessed with my body and nothing else. Life can be hard sometimes I know. I do not know what you have been through in your life. If your parents are really strict and you want control, sombody hurt you, or you have been pressured to be a certain weight. However I do know that you have a choice. You can let anorexia control your life and eat you away or you can fight it. Once you becaome a healthy weight I garantee that you will feel better. You can exercise and become toned and curvy. Just so you know I get much more attention from guys now that I am a healthy weight =) Not that that is everything lol. I know its going to be the most difficultest thing to fight the disease but in the end it will be worth it. You might feel that life is not worth it but your life is important. I advise you to tell someone to help you. You cannot do it on your own. I know a lady who is still anorexic she has been this way all her life almost. Her life is horrible she is not happy. You might not think that you being anorexic hurts other other than you but it does this lady ruined her sons lives. I influenced my little sister and made life difficult for my mom. You might not believe in God but I do and he helped me get through my disease. Fight it......do not let it beat you.