boyfriend is seriously overweight/emotional

My long-time boyfriend of 13 years, and father of our 3 kids, is seriously overweight.  He's 5ft8 and weighs about 240 lbs and has other health problems as well.  He had a septic hip as a child and as a result has a deformed hip bone.  He's had numerous operations which left him with one leg about an inch shorter than the other.  He says his weight is from the pain/inability to exercize.  (but, his diet is terrible.)  He's also got high bp, which he attributes to quitting smoking pot about a year ago.  His weights gotten so bad that he can't even find big enough clothes at the store anymore.

Anyway, he's a very angry person that gets easily upset.  For example when he knocks on the door he pounds like a pitbull is chasing him...he throws quiet (he only lets me hear) temper tantrums whenever we're at the store.  He has unreal expectations of how clean our house is supposed to be, yet he barely helps clean it.  He blames me for everything....and I'm SO sick of it.  I have panic disorder for about 8 years now (which I ended up on disability for)  and I feel like his anger towards me all the time might be a cause of it.

So, my question is what is he trying to say by all this?  What can I do to help him?  Is he trying to make me leave?  Is he trying to slowly kill himself?  What's going on?

Thank you so much for reading this.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

It's impossible for me to know what he is trying to tell you, but your boyfriend sounds like a very frustrated man who eats for reward and comfort to stuff down his anger and frustration.  He needs help, and if he gets it, it will make it much easier for you as well.  It starts with working on his bad eating habits which are causing additional health problems now, and more in the future. If you can approach him with his health in mind, and empathize with his life frustrations, then maybe he will start a program to help himself.  Once he stops using food to cover up his troubles, he will be able to do something about them.