daughter with eating disorder

[tamikathecat]

I have a 20 yr old daughter, whom i believe to be bulemic. after every meal she goes the bathroom and is there for some time. when she comes out she looks pale, her hair is a mess. she has being putting on facebook that she is fat. she is an extra small in clothing and even those can be too big. she also has put on facebook that she does'nt eat, only when at family gatherings to be polite(then dissapears into bathroom, and now she has decided to stop drinking water. She does not live at home anymore, she resides with her father, whom has no concern for her at all. I dont know what to do. i dont want her to die. can you please help. i believe that she is also depresed.

[JD3P]

Here are some tips that will help you determine if she is actually throwing up. When she comes out of the bathroom just take a quick glance under her eyes and in her eyes. Usually when someone throws up the eyes are blood shot and the skin under them is irritated and blood vessels burst causing purple/red dots. Sometimes the skin gets dried out around the mouth and lines start to form. Also look at her hands, do they look dried out? Usually the knuckles will suffer the most because they rub against the teeth and end up with scars sometimes. Also from what you said about her posts online it is highly likely she's doing something. And although this may seem like an invasion of privacy...when she goes in the bathroom listen by the door...we all know what puking sounds like...
Keep a close eye on her....as for not drinking water that's the worst thing she could do to herself. It would actually make her retain more and gain weight only to worsen the cycle...plus many other problems
Good luck with your daughter I hope she gets better.

[kevieb]

i have two beautiful identical twin girls that will be 20 at the end of may---and i don't think either one of them weighs 100lbs and neither has started a period yet.   one of them had an eating disorder in the 9th grade and spent 3 months in the hospital.  she was on a heart monitor because her heart rate would drop so low when she fell asleep. she wasn't allowed to even walk--i had to take her in a wheelchair if we went anywhere in the hospital.  her potassium was low and her cholesteral was high.  she was admitted at only 67lbs.  they kept her in one hospital for two weeks getting her stabilized while trying to find a treatment center for her-----and then she spent 2 1/2 months in treatment.   i almost thought she would have to go back into treatment the next winter---but she got herself together and is now well and eats like a horse-----but still doesn't gain weight.  she was a purging anorexic.

her twin now has the same problem, but because she is older and away from home---there is nothing i can do about it but hope and pray that she will not kill herself with this condition.    

even after dealing with it with one child---i didn't catch on that the other one was having the same problem, even though i could see she had lost alot of weight. her twin sister had to point out to me that there was a problem with her sister.  both girls have celiac disease, which just complicates things a little more.  the hospital had not been able to keep my daughter gluten free even though they assured me they had celiac kids in there all the time----i just think they had probably never had a celiac in their hospital for an extended period of time.

when my daughter comes home from college, we can always tell that she has been throwing up because you can see little splatters in the bathroom.  i have tried to make her be responsible for her issues and make her clean up after herself instead of leaving a mess for us.   she is seeing a counselor and i hope it is helping her.

i don't know if there is any way that you can tell her that you are aware of what is going on and encourage her to get some help.  does she have a good friend that could maybe encourage her to get some counseling?

my first ED twin was very depressed and much sicker before we knew she had the eating disorder.  we caught it much sooner with the second twin and she is not depressed, fortunately.

when the girls were only about 4 years old,( the first one to get sick) used to cry because she was afraid she would get fat---and i remember hoping we weren't headed for an eating disorder.

i feel for you and hope you can reach her in some way---it is a scary thing to deal with, but they can get well with the right help.

[bay_lynn]

hi....Im no expert at all...but I do struggle with an eating disorder as well. It sounds to me like you are correct...because that is how I act and feel as well. I wish that my parents werent clueless and would take the initiative to get me help...because I cant and dont want to do it. I dont have the courage and I dont have the strength. Eating disorders take over your mind to the point where you become so wrapped up in it that you cant physically stop. If you are truly worried about her...help her. Thats all I can tell you. I wish someone would help me. Because I cant help myself. Its not as simple as "just eat." Its very possible that she is addicted to it and her mental health is being overcome by it. I hope all goes well...and I wish her the best and you as well. I know this is difficult for everyone. Feel free to message me if you would like..