daughter's low weight

[vinca]

Hello,  I have a 25-year-old daughter who has been battling depression for at least 2 years and has seen a number of counselors and now a psychiatrist who put her on Prozac.  She also sees his therapist for depression and eating disorder.  She has always been slim but in the last 2 years has lost weight and is currently down to less than 80 pounds.  She will not tell me exactly but will admit to less than 80 pounds.  She is 5'3" and small framed. I am so worried about her weight, but the therapist and psychiatrist apparently are not as concerned as I am.  Of course they see all kinds of conditions and this is not their daughter. I have been checking into the possibility of an eating disorders recovery center and called one yesterday.  The lady I spoke with told me at that weight my daughter is severely compromised and needs to get into an inpatient setting immediately.  Was she just wanting more business or is my daughter really at high risk and needs to be asap in a treatment center?  Being her mom I of course agree and want her to have immediate help, but am I over-reacting?  An MD she saw not long ago did not seem concerned as her blood count was normal.  She was just told to eat more.  My daughter has a recent EKG with heart rate in the 40s although it will get up in the 50s with activity and the doc who ordered it (because my daughter asked for it) did not seem concerned.  She still has energy which I find amazing.  She eats good food, mostly all organic, but just not enough.  She has the typical eating problems I have read about.  She is at least trying now to eat more. My daughter lives with me and my husband and we all get along fine. I am just very worried I am not doing enough and wondering if she is "falling through the cracks" at the psychiatric institute where she has outpatient treatment. Any advice or any other moms out there that I can join for support? Thank you!

[anorexiamummy]

Hi my daughter has just been admitted to a specialist unit in London. The book they gave me on admission was very helpful and I recommend it to you
j

Eating Disorders A Parents Guide isbn 1-58391-860-4

[Zoelula]

I can completely understand your concern for your daughter who you love and worry about. Eating disorders are terrifying for the people who love you as well as they are for the person going through them. The good news is that your daughter talks to you about what is going on and is seeking help. The question seems to be, is the help she's getting enough? You say she is eating and trying to eat more. The question is, CAN she eat enough not to lose more weight or is her disease too strong for that. Is her weight steady or is it continuing to drop? What she needs is to be slowly putting on more weight. Does she also work with a dietician? If the psychiatrist and therapist she is working with do not feel she needs inpatient treatment perhaps you can meet with them and have them explain their reasoning to you. If they feel she is improving (even if that improvement is slow) they may not want to jeopardize that trust and that relationship with your daughter by escalating the treatment (going inpatient) against her will. Anorexia is about control as much as it is about food and it is important to allow the person control over their own life, at least until it becomes unsafe to do so. I would ask for a meeting with them to talk about her progress (with her permission of course). Have you talked with your daughter about inpatient treatment? Is she scared and feeling out of control, perhaps she too feels this would be a good idea?

Lastly, I agree you need support for what YOU are going through which is painful and frightening. I don't think there are enough people on this board for you to find other moms, and I think realtime connection is better. I would ask her therapist to refer you to somewhere where you can attend a group with other loved ones or just connect informally. Other eating disorder programs you contact might also have such resources.

My heart is with you. I had an eating disorder for thirty years and now have 16 years recovery. I hope for the best for your family and your daughter.
Zoe