help my life..

[boy_of_misery]

Need doctor here please..

Sorry wall of text.
Sorry sorry sorry
sorry for bad english too.im desperate atm..

Now im 19 y/o, 5'9 tall, 65-70 kg of weight.

Listen to my story please..

Lets say, when i was 15, i often ate only 1 or 2 meals a
day. Sometimes didnt eat/drink anything at all (like 5
out of 30 days in a month).
It resulted in weight lost from 65 kg to 45 kg (in 3-4 months only).

This went off to about 6 months. I often did near-death starvations. Everyday I played video games and often didnt eat and sleep for day(s). (15 to 15.5 y/o,
weight 45 kg).

Then, normal life about 6 months (15.5 to 16 y/o, weight 55 kg).

Then a little bad again for 6 mnths (16 to 16.5 y/o, weight 50 kg).

Then good 6 months with plenty of exercises (16 to 17 y/o,
weight 70 kg).

Last one bad year (17 to 18 y/o, weight 60 kg): this is the second worse after the first 6 months at 15 i think, everyday just sitting playing super adrenaline-pumping
video games, barely got sunlight
and did exercises, but i didnt really starved myself like
the first 6 months at 15. i ate like 2-3 meals a day,
occasionally one meal/ate nothing a day.

Now at 19 (weighed 65-70 kg), im trying to have a fully normal life.

During these bad months, i barely drink any milk, which doctors said, if u used to drink it then stopped
drinking it for a while, it could cause osteoporosis/major bone loss cuz of the blood something thing. I barely ate any veggies nor did any exercises as well when i was not into my life.

During that bad times, after school, I often sat from
half a day sometimes to a full day, occasionally (once in a month) up to 3 days playing games, without rest.

Then, if 2/3 days of
playing, i rest for 2-3 days fully with normal eating.

Often i skipped school to play games the whole day/
days. I got dropped out when i was 16, so i played the
games more often like everday/every 2-3 days (dont
mention the school thing, ive got it covered XD)

I had fainted like 3-5 times when walking cuz of not
eating and sleeping for days playing games.

QUESTION:

now that im 19, even though i have regained my weight to
65-70 kg (5'9), i am experiencing:

-low sex drive
-shrinking penis (eaten cuz of the starvation?and or low testosterone for years so weak/no erection that shrink blood vessel?is it PERMANENT?)
-bad erection quality
-having a hard time for my d*ck to recognize sexual
innuendos (im afraid my sexual nerves was eaten due
to starvation)
-no auto *****,lack morning *****,had to stroke it with
my hand to get a *****
-feel frigid around girls God i want to be hard around girls like i used to!!
-when i masturbate and ejaculate, i feel weak for the whole day, till the next couple of days. As if my
testosterone regeneration is lowered (shrunk testicle?).if
i masturbate constantly for a week, i feel weak and thin
as ****. I used to masturbate once even twice/thrice daily before 15, and i could still rock the day!
-weak heart and lungs (cant stand 5 minutes of playing soccer, used to stand up to hours without
exhaustion,one of the athlete with best stamina in school)
-changed face structure, i used to be a happy and funny cute face person (girls was like crazy on me), now gloomy and old, not
expressive. Some people even said
my eyes r tinier now and not as expressive as it used to. I looked like a robot.
-thin bone, small forehand and fingers, often thinner than common healthy girls, it used to be thicker, like a man! The diameter of my thumb is only about 1.5 cm now. Im afraid i heard bone loss from anorexia is permanent. Is it true?in my case is it severe enough to be considered permanent?
-really my body frame is really small right now, like justin bieber's (it used to be mediumish, at 14-15 of age when most of my friends were already peaked their
puberty/hence no major growth/no way they
outgrew me). It is a shame cuz its like even the smallest man like 5'5 guy would have a wider rib cage
and pelvic bone, thicker wrist and fingers, also longer and stronger arms than most girls. My dad's n mom's rib cages r still a lot wider! I used to be 'wider'!
-im afraid ive messed up my hormones n growth permanently, that i'll never be a full grown man
-did it stunt my height growth 4ever also? Like the 'organ' or 'nerve' whatsoever thing for growth was eaten due to starvation?
-i entered puberty and started masturbating daily since
i was 13, peaked growth at 14/15.

ARE THEY PERMANENT?!?!?!?!

I did that cuz of my dad and step mom neglected me emotionally. They were also lonely psychos. Its like i was living with someone else, PLUS with psychotic
features.

NOW I REGRET WITH what ive done. I also hate my
parents to let me suffer like that.
But now i want my life back!!

NEED A DOCTOR HEREE please.
I cant afford meeting a doctor irl. The family cash is
kinda low atm..really low..

Please give me ur yahoo msennger or sumthin i want
to chat with u doctor..god bless

[boy_of_misery]

i post the topic to the other sub-forums as well. Im sorry, is it not appropriate to post this topic in this 'eating disorder' forum? If it is, @admins please delete it.

[margypops]

There is an eating disorder forum and a Teen health forum ..also a mens health forum ..

[margypops]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time , I am thinking that another forum may help you , check out the forums page and see if any fit the catagory you are looking for .good luck