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help please
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help please

ok so i've been fighting eating disorders since i was 13. recently i had a year long period of bulimia that could have killed me. but people started to realise and had me admitted to hospital also for other reasons. i was released 3 weeks ago, now i can't eat again. i am losing weight every day. i am using it as a form of self harm. you see i cut and since i got out of hospital i have stopped myself but ended up using other methods to harm myself like drinking and starving myself.
so i guess i need advice from people with some eating disorder experiences on how to eat without then ending up harming myself or falling back under the control of my bulimia demon. i can feel this taking control and i know now that it can kill me but as some of you will know it is impossibly hard to fight and it swallows you up. i need help while i have some control left. soon i will be too sick to ask so please. even if you have no faith in your advise... write it. please!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Meg

I have battled every eating disorder in the book for most of my teenage/adult life. It's exhausting, I know. And no piece of cake to overcome. (Pardon the pun.)
Truth is, it's all up to you. As you know, anorexia, binging, bulimia and chew/spitting are not just about reaching a weight you believe to be "acceptable." It is a form of expressing the deeper concerns within you that you haven't fully acknowledged or dealt with yet.
Thinness for me was a safety net. I thought that if I "failed" in school or didn't measure up to my parents' or my OWN expectations of myself, at least I had my appearance. I thought that if all else failed, at least I was thin.
It took time for me to learn on my own that my image was not the only thing people admired in me. I learned that people loved me for my compassion and making them laugh more than they loved me for being a size 2. In fact, that didn't matter to them at all. Once I saw this (and had to learn the hard way), I learned to love myself the same way.
Women and men with eating disorders tend to be perfectionists. They want to be praised and admired for all that they are and strive to reach the high expectations they have of themselves. When they don't measure up to their own exhaustingly high standards, they take on these self-destructive habits.
Your mission is to discover what makes you, you. What do you like to do? Are you artistic? Creative? Scientific? What kind of life do you want to make for yourself? It's truly all up to you! It's YOUR life and YOU get to choose how it goes. Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself like you would a friend! Would you expect your best friend to be perfect? No, because their "imperfections" are what makes them endearing, memorable, unique, real. No one says you have to be overweight. You can truly have it all-- a fit, slim body that you're proud of, a successful career, loving relationships and an exciting future. But it's all up to you. Decide today to take matters into your own hands. Bad days will happen-- but don't lose your vision. Stay strong and trust yourself. If you choose a diet that will nourish your body with what it's asking for (lean protein, lots of fruits and veggies) and exercise regularly, you will still be in control of your weight and you will never have a weight problem. I stuck with this diet and loved the trim, toned body I started to see in the mirror. Take it one day at a time. I'm here if you need me!
Remember this is YOUR life Meg! Make it a happy one!

Brittany
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Hi Brittany.it's like u were talking to me too.i have never been diagnosed or anything but i came to learn that i had Anorexia Nervosa when i entered med skul.Even after knowing i didnt know what to do coz there was no open channels or anyone to approach where i live.It became even harder for me coz pple really notice my tall slender body even encouraging me to model.I recently realized that i had allowed all the things that were said to me as i grew up affect myself esteem so much that i started trying to be thin so people could love me,i remember in high school,when my appetite was high and i became a bit big all everyone was talking about was how big i was and what i giant i had become.so i made up my mind to do everything to be thin.All i could think about was how many foods i could not eat.what scare me most is my clothes not fitting me if i add more calories or how my friends and family would not admire me anymore.i thought all everyone sees is my body and not me.what made it worse was the fact that no one ever noticed.But this year  i have started changing the way i think about my body and stopped letting what people say about my body stop me from becoming who i am.i know am just beginning but am determined to win the battle.am so glad i can finally talk about it
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Avatar_f_tn
HI Meg
Know that you are not alone.All those feelings of wanting to harm yourself,wanting to die and even depression i have been there too.am now choosing to fight especially changing the way i think.i reed the book called THE SECRET and it has really helped me even get out of depression.living where i live where people are not necessarily concerned about emotional well being i count myself lucky to find such forums and have certain books that can help me.i hope you join me in fighting this.with love
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