help.

[sweetpea03]

I have a friend who is anorexic and I have tried talking to her about it, but she only pushes me away. So I have just stood by and tried to be there for her if she needs me. But now she is getting worse. She eats maybe one or two meals a day. Usually because she is forced. She counts calories on everything she eats like there is no tomorrow. I am so worried about her since her weight has dropped so much in the past few months. People keep telling her that she has lost weight and she loves the comments. I feel like I'm the only one who wants her to get healthy again. What can I do to help her? Her dad is never around and her mom is in total denial. Her sister is worried too, but she doesn't live in the same state anymore. How can I help her?

[Rach878]

How old is your friend? Depending on her age, her parents, could force her into treatment.
My best advice to you is to try talking to her parents, and just be there for her. I know its hard, and you can't force her to eat, but you can listen to her, if she needs to talk, and encorage her to eat, not even a lot, maybe even just yogurt, or fruit, anything is better than nothing.

[sweetpea03]

Thanks. She's 18. When we were in high school it was easier to get her to eat something. Now that we're in college, she can avoid eating easier. Since she blames her busy schedule for missing meals. I've tried talking to her mom, but she doesn't think anything is wrong and won't do anything. Her sister tried helping and talking with their mom too, but with no luck. When ever we hang out I try to make us go out to dinner or lunch first, so she can eat something. She's taller than me and at least 10 pounds lighter. And I'm not big myself at all, people say I'm skinny, so she's REALLY thin. I just don't like watching her getting smaller and smaller. Seeing her bones through her clothes. It's not healthy at all. I keep thinking one of these days she's going to end up in the hospital. I just don't know what else to do.

[shlee1016]

Wow, I feel for you. I really do. You are in a tough spot. And you are such a great friend. She is really lucky to have a friend like you that cares so much. And it sure does make it much more difficult when her parents are in denial, or not around much to help. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon that she might try to push people away when they confront her. Can I ask maybe how you go about it or what you might say? That could make the difference? I'm not being at all critical. I just hope to help if at all possible. Another thing, as much as the "fix" seems like it is for her to eat or put on weight, that's actually not the answer. The real problem is not food or weight or calories or anything like that. Those are symptoms of something deeper going on. I assume she doesn't have a therapist. Is that correct, or does she? I'd be more than happy to talk to you more. We can continue here or you are more than welcome to message me. I'll help in any way possible. I've had an eating disorder for a long time and am in recovery. Some of my very best friends in the world have eating disorders also, and it is HARD being on the outside. I do understand how you feel.....very, very helpless..scared..worried..and the list goes on. You're so sweet to go as far as to reach out in a community such as this to try to find a way to help your friend.

Ashley

[Rach878]

shlee1016 is right. With her parents being in denial i'm afraid there isn't a whole lot you can do other, than just to be there and support her. I myself have an eating disorder. i went to a treatment center which helped a lot, but relapsed, and haven't been able to pick myself up from then. My friends who know i have an eating disorder, i believe are concerned. They encorage me to eat. Chances are  your friend hates when you encorage her to eat, but realizes that she needs to. as much as i hate it, usually when my friends get on me i do it. So even if she seems to push you away about eating, your doing the right thing. Ashley is also right about there being something deeper going on. Eating disorders seem to be about weight and food, but really for most people there about control. There must be something that you either do or do not know about that is seriously troubling her, and i'm afraid the eating disorder may not get better until she faces it. Sorry i couldn't be much help, but feel free to message me if you need to talk.

[goodgardenpeas28]

the best bet is to convince her to A. tell her parents because I'm assuming she hasn't and B. get her to go to treatment of some kind whether its a anonymous group for people with eating disorders on a college campus or OA or even better a hospital program, tell her she doesn't have to do anything different as long as she goes and listens to what other people have to say. Going to treatment was the best thing I ever did!

[sweetpea03]

When I talk to her, I try not to always talk about the food issue. I'll ask her if she wants to talk, or ask her what's going on in her life, but she rarely tells me anything. She says she's fine. I know she's having problems with her bf, but the eating problems started way before that. She's never been to therapy and doesn't want to go. I don't like bringing up the topic with her too much because it usually ends with her being really mad at me. And sometimes she won't talk to me for a while. I talked to her mother again today, but again she doesn't think anything is wrong. Even though her daughter has had to get some new clothes and a belt since she's lost so much weight. She likes the comments about her weight loss.