hopeless?

I'm a 37 year old woman, who has been suffering from an eating disorder from the time I was 10 years old. Although I don't consider myself recovered, I have kept myself fairly stable for the past 20 years or so, with some occasional mild relaspses. Three years ago, I slowly , little by little, almost completely stopped eating, and ended up in hospital, with a weight in the normal range, but extremely poor vital signs (P-48, BP-68/40). I was in hospital for 6 weeks, and did start VERY SLOWLY eating again, but I kept telling the doctors, that I NEVER EVER had an appetite..it was just never there. They attributed it to "eating-disordered thinking", and I then agreed to go into treatment. While I was in treatment, as expected, I had to eat all my meals. I was started on 1500 calories a day, and on that, I was gaining over one kilo per week, so after 3 weeks into the 14 week long program, I quit. For the next year,I gained almost 100 pounds, on almost no food whatsoever. I have only ever restricted and never binged. Eventually, by complete accident, it was discovered that the reason why I had no appetite...EVER, was because my Thiamine levels were completely depleted, and as soon as I was given the IV Thiamine, I immediately had an appetite again...after over 3 years. As I started eating more, my weight began coming OFF..the more I ate, the more came off, and after 3 years of no periods, they returned. I haven't been very compliant with getting myself to my endocrinologist appointments, so I never found out what caused such a severe hormonal imbalance and weight gain. I've been feeling so much better since being able to eat again, but within the past 6 weeks or so, my appetite seems to be going back down again, and I can't figure out whether it's because of a health-related issue, or an eating-disorder issue. I struggle with this every single day..I hate the way I look, I especially hate the fact that I gained all that weight and had absolutely no control over it, and I hate that my thoughts consume me every single day of my life. Everytime I eat, I feel guilty and I hate myself....and in all honestly, my emotional and physical state is so much better when I DON'T eat. I absolutely do NOT ever want to get back into another relaspse. I'm a busy mommy of 3 special needs children, and the last thing I need to do is model this less than inappropriate behaviour in front of my adopted preteen daughters. My struggle, is stopping this constant battle in my mind...it just goes on and on, and either way, whether I'm eating well or not..I feel guilt and self hatred. At my age, do you think I could still benefit from an eating disorders program? I'm considering going back and completing the program...but I don't want to waste my time if my case is hopeless. What is the best kind of treatment for long term eating disorders? And will I ever be able to stop this battle in my mind, or will I still struggle with this when I'm 97 years old???