Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

how or what can i do ?

ak5
My 21 year old daughter is anorexic and in denial.  I am trying deparately to reach out to her, to no avail.  Her feet are swelled everyday.  She eats a good breakfast and a salad for dinner.  She has lost 30 lbs and wants me to stop her from eating.  She tries to feed me all the time and has every symptom of anorexia.  Please tell me how I can approach the situation.  She is moody and doesn't want to be around anyone - very unlike what she was a year ago.
Thank you.
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I would approach her and tell her that you think she has an eating disorder.  Tell her that what she is doing is not healthy and can kill her.  (More people die from anorexia than all other mental illnesses combined)  Tell her that you would like her to get help, but it has to be her decision.  Tell her that you are there for her if she needs to talk about what's going on, but that you can't and won't police her. (meaning watching what she eats or trying to get her to eat) Tell her that you care about her and what happens to her but you won't let this disease control you like it's controlling her.  Anorexia is about feelings, not food.  Don't talk about food.  You can tell her that you prefer she not cook for you or try to get you to eat, that you know how to eat healthy and will take care of yourself, just as you wish she would take care of herself.  

I was anorexic and bulimic for 27 years b/4 getting into recovery.  I watched friends die of this disease.  I horrible to watch, but even worse to live.  It literally takes your life from you, even if it doesn't kill you.  You can see that.  It takes friends away, family away, dreams away.  But, SHE has to be the one to want to get better.  You can't make her and if you try she will resent you and use the illness to get back at you.  Good luck and I'm sorry you and your daughter are having to go thru this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have had an eating disorder for a long time. ANorexia and Bulimia. Keep on your daughter. I know you may not believe me but it had nothing to do with food. Food is something she can control. Talk to see what is really bothering her. Keep at it. DO NOT let up. I wish my parents got at me sooner, or anyone for that matter. SHe needs to listen and talk about her problems
Helpful - 0
1327415 tn?1294057889
hey, i wonna help but i don't really know how.
all i can tell you is how not to approach her about it,
i have bulimia and periods of anorexia, its important not to push her because thats how i became bulimic is everyone was watching to see if i was eating so i started eating a ton of food so they would get off my case but then couldn't deal with having it in my body.
don't pressure her, it sounds like she is actually not too bad if she is eating breakfast and salad. just make some dinner and let her know its there and then just leave it, don't clear it away till the morning and you never know she might eat it.
maybe you could suggest that she goes to the doctors just to reassure you, but its important not to try and force her. yeah cooking and feeding other people is an anorexic trate because she still wants to be involved with food but doesn't want it in her.
you could buy things she used to love and maybe make some smoothies.... liquids are really good because they give calories but mentally it is easier to handle because it isn't food.
if you have any questions let me know, sorry i can't tell you how to speak to her, no one has ever successfully approached me about it so i wouldn't know.
tell her she is looking really good all the time, it might start sinking in that she doesn't need to lose weight!
good luck.!
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Eating Disorders Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.
PrEP is used by people with high risk to prevent HIV infection.