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918035 tn?1274644533

i really dont no what to do ... im going crazy (anorexia)

hiyaa
im asking this because i feel thats its gotten out of control now... please dont say anything like tell my family or get help because it isnt as easy as that :(

ive had anorexia since i was about 12 -13 i am now 16 and it hasnt got better... its got worse!!
my lowest weight was 91lbs ... and i know this might sound weird but i really would like to get back to that weight

i also have this voice in my head saying that im not worth food, i just make everyones life worse, it would be better if i wasnt here, i would be happier if i lost more weight etc.

i eat about 200 - 400 kls a day and if i could i would eat less (i cant as my family make me eat my dinner... i never eat it all though)
if i eat more than that i feel really guilty... and ive actually made myself sick because i had some chocolate
and last week i cut myself because i didnt loose any weigh from the day before

please help me... i really dont no what to do :(


oh and also ive had a family member who i was close to die a couple of weeks ago ... so thats just made stuff worse
and i cant tell my family because there upset about the death aswell... so if i did tell them i would make everything worse :(
4 Responses
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1140989 tn?1429773263
hunny u rely shouldnt cut urself i no it feels gd at tht second but the scares r embarrassing, n on body looks at me the same now i cnt even wear a shirt wit out getting dirty looks turst me u dnt want tht n it hard to hide frm ur family, talk to u soon bye, frm maddie
Helpful - 0
1143266 tn?1262038596
You sound like you are at a very low point if you think you need to continue to lose weight. I am afraid for your life. I know you don't want to tell your family but they have a right to know so they can help you. Are you religious at all? Maybe you should try prayer and programs at churches that give counseling to people with addictions. You need to talk to someone about all of this, someone needs to hold you accountable for your actions. If you value life and your loved ones and your future you will find it in your self to get the help you need, because if you are still thinking you need to lose weight, you probably are not strong enough yet to fight this all on your own. You can start by changing your username, fatty00 can't be helping your confidence. You have to truly want to get better and love yourself enough to follow through the best you can. here is no quick fix, and no one on this site or anywhere else can make that change for you. Dig deep within, I believe you can do it.Good luck and God bless.
Helpful - 0
1127564 tn?1262544756
Hi,
Since you do not want help from your family members you can try to recover by yourself. First you need to fight or ignore that voice inside of you. This is hard thing to do and it will take time. You say that the voice tells you you would be happier skinny. Are you happy now? Happiness does not come from being skinny, beautiful, or whatever else you think....Happiness comes from being content with who you are. Also I believe that when people stop thinking about themselves and help others they are happier. You say that the voice tells you that life would be much better without you around. I do not know your parents or friends but I bet anything they would be devastated if you died from anorexia. There have been many times in my life that I thought everyone's life would be better without me....however, i did not know this....I used this as an excuse to be anorexic,  and wallow in self pity
Anorexia comes from people being so self focused. When you start focusing on how much you weigh you forget about other people in your life. All you think about is how you look and food. I have been there and there are times i wish I could go back to a certain weight but then I realize that it is not going to make me happy. My lowest weight was 83 pounds....although i was disgustingly skinny I wanted to lose more weight. I WAS NEVER happy. All I could think about is how to lose more weight.  Weight is not important in the scheme of things. I went on a mission trip this summer to nepal. I helped at a childrens home. There I heard some of the kids stories. one girl's parents both died and then she was given to her uncles. Her Uncles did not want her so the attempted to burn her. Thankfully, she came out alive. Looking at my own life compared to her I realized that I cared about stupid stuff like my weight my looks, when girls like this girl have had horrible lives.
Your weight will not effect what people think about you. Your attitude will though. Sorry I am sort of going off subject. If you want to stop being anorexic it comes down to your own personal choice. You can stay anorexic for the rest of your life.....you can die that way.....Nobody not your parents, a doctor, friends, or anyone on this site can help you get over anorexia. In the end you are the one who decides what to put in your body and what not to.....Its just like a drug addict....yes the drug addict can go to counseling, or get help but when its all said and done they need to want to stop taking drugs......I did not recover from anorexia because of my mom, doctor or whatever....although these things helped I had to decide for myself that did not want to live with anorexia all my life and let is control me. Even if you end up in the hospital with feeding tubes....You can lose the weight all over again.  Death of a family member is a horrible thing but you can grow from it or let it control you and make you starve yourself more. In the end it is your choice......................
You can be anorexic for all you life die from it or overcome..............anorexia is not bad because it makes you bone skinny it is bad because it controls you it is bad because it is selfish, it is bad because you do not focus on important things.......When I was anorexic thats all I thought abou was my weight. i wasted many years.

You do not need to eat unhealthy either........you can still be thin but healthy. Eating is by no means bad for you........But I do not believe anorexia is all about weight it seems like it but in reality it has to do with how someone handles the bad things in their life.......I still struggle with my weight.....i probally will forever but I have learned to not allow my weight to control me. I will pray for you.........=)
Helpful - 0
1014017 tn?1262640689
Please don't count your calories. I m 43 and have batted eating disorders since I was your age. I am currently in a relapse. I can't eat no matter what I try to do. I have lost over 20 pounds in less than 6 weeks. I wish I could go back to when I started and could change what I did. At your age you need to eat healthy and your body will be at the weight that it needs. Scary skinny is bad in general.  I am miserable all the time. I look at food and gwad I want to eat.  A good diet is a light breakfast like oatmeal and fruit. Lunch should be the "big" meal of the day and have all the basic food groups in it. Not mcdonalds or fast food either. Dinner should be light and include the 4 food groups again. If you just eat healthy you won't become overweight. You don't want to be too thin, look at Lindsay Lohan, scary skinny, Brittney Murphy just died...it didn't help that she was too thin, her body couldn't fight infection. Karen Carpenter died from cardiac arrest related to anroexia. Please think about what you are saying and talk to your mom. If I had a daughter that posted what you did I would have her in therapy with me. ( I am back in therapy myself because I don't want to be anorexic)
Cate
Helpful - 0
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