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i want an eating disorder
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i want an eating disorder

I want to have an eating disorder, so much.Sometimes i have bulimic episodes(i eat too much without control or without being able to stop eating, without being hungry) but i never purge.Sometimes i starve myself, even though i know the dangers, i know the difficulties, i know that my life will be miserable and i still want an eating disorder.I don't know why i post this.Has anything like this happened to anyone??
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431531_tn?1254101806
Let me get this straight..you WANT an eating disorder? Why!?! If you're over weight try dieting and exercising. Do you know the risks of eating disorders? Many times Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa go hand in hand. Not only is it a sick way to live and a vicious cycle for the body, but also mentally. With this weight loss from not eating and then eating and purging comes many terrible things. You experience head aches, hair loss, hearts problems, and mood swings. THESE ARE JUST A FEW. Read up on them.

Also, I'd be very careful what you wish for. You should be thankful for good health and PRAY TO GOD for the people that have eating disorders. They're frightening and effect  everyone in your life.

Consider seeing a doctor about your eating habits, go to the gym, and see a nutritionist. I also think you'd benefit from seeing a psychiatrist since you're having suicidal thoughts. Starving yourself is like slowly killing yourself. Same thing with binging and purging.

Good luck!

Babs
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Avatar_n_tn
Don't take this the wrong way, but do you want an eating disorder not because of the weight you think you would drop or because of the attention that you think you would get? Many people thrive for people to be concerned for them and worry. It could be a cry for love and attention. Are you trying to be accepted by anyone?
Eating disorders are terrible!! It is a constant fight everyday mentally.
I would consider talking to a doctor or a theropist before you take this any further.

Good Luck!

Leanie
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424549_tn?1308519102
Hi again IreneK,

I left a reply in your other post too, earlier today. Maybe my first reply was a little on the "easily misunderstood side".
Look around a little at the related tags here too. There is a reason for every eating disorder - and I really feel sorry for you for going through the pondering of changing your eating habits so drastically.

Do consider a healthy eating habit with varied foods and vegetables and keep yourself to it. Ask anyone to help you with what would be "normal" servings and get support from people close to you. We all started with wondering about getting eating disorders. We did all do the choice you're about to do.

Do PM me and we could look into healthy diets together. With a chocolate bar of calories each day, of course we need to get the hunger stilled with other sorts of foods and when it first starts on the bingeing, few things stops it.
If you eat regular servings 4 times a day, you won't get that craving for more food as strong as when you restrict yourself. You can get control! I definitely trust you on that - but look for the right kind of control and not a control you know you can punish yourself for breaking.

Florena (again)
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428364_tn?1204147637
i have a nutritionist since last january.and a therapist and a psychiatrist(i have only seen him once)i know all the dangers, but i still want it, not because i want attention.i don't like attention.i don't like people pity me.this is more psychological.i don't know.maybe because i want to die so much.
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424549_tn?1308519102
Irene?

I won't pretend that I understand, but I really am trying. Do try to get in touch with your therapist and your psychiatrist more often. Depression starts with chemistry in our heads, and sometimes it is better with medication for it instead of beating it in other ways.
I can really not imagine how you feel in this - it sounds like a tumble around. Would eating disorders kill you? It is many risks.

Food is an obsession. That is where eating disorders start. At least for some. What the other reasons are, I don't know.

I really don't want to show you to another place now when you have opened up - and I don't know if you appreciate my replies so follow the link below, maybe that can give you answers too?

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/57


I think you're brave!

Florena
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428364_tn?1204147637
I count calories and i don't want to gain weight.i believe im fat, even though other people think im not.I don't think im brave!Why do you think i am??

The psychiatrist hasn't diagnosed me with depression yet as i have seen him once.But even if he does, i don't think he will give me meds because they don't give to teens.
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424549_tn?1308519102
Why I think you're brave.... Because you admit to yourself that you do need help. Us women will always have a little bit of a wondering eye on ourselves too about what others think about us.

I really do wish you good luck and hope that you will get the help that you need - they do often give antidepressants to teens, but I don't know how it works over the borders there. You'd be followed up close - and please don't loose hope on life! Believe in it once becoming better. It IS possible.

Florena
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428364_tn?1204147637
i don't think there is hope.you know what?? I have decided that i won't get an eating disorder, because i think about all the people that they have an ED.I mean, people with ED say that they wish they had never started, they had never skipped meals right??Its somehow like cutting.I wish i had never started, because now i can't stop, not that i regret starting, but i wish i hadn't.you know what i mean??so is with ED i believe.i will wish later i had never started right??thats the only reason i don't want.
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424549_tn?1308519102
The traps of our minds can really be a few. PM waiting for you :-)
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214901_tn?1227571155
Not only will you be thin, but you will get to experience,gastrointestinal problems, decaying teeth and heart problems with your eating disorder. Sounds like quite the package deal. Its not worth it.
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Avatar_n_tn
...Why do you want to die?  You're only 17!
You don't need an ED. You need some counseling,I think.
Especially alarming that you are trying to commit suicide through the ED.
Not good. Please make an appointment with your doctor.and in the meantime,
go on Youtube.com,and do a search for Eating disorders-Myths and Realities,
watch it,then come back here and tell us what you think.
Please get help,you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't end it or waste it.
Good luck! If you want to PM me go ahead.
N.
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605458_tn?1265086851
I used to think I wanted an eating disorder. Medications to treat my bipolar disorder made me overweight by 50 lbs. Trust me, I now know what it is like to have an eating disorder and am discovering it isn't something I can just 'turn off' when I was done. That's what I thought I could do, but I can't. I am well below the target weight I knew was healthy for me and I can't stop. My entire day revolves around food, and not getting to eat it. I sacrifice doing enjoyable things like watching tv and reading for exercising. If I don't exercise, I hate myself. I don't have any good feelings any day I have not lost at least an ounce. I am ashamed and embarrassed because I know when my brother and sister-in-law visit this weekend I'm going to lie about how much I weigh and have to figure out how to make it look like I can eat like a normal person. Don't even think of going here.
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Avatar_n_tn
At first when I saw your post I was angry-because Why would you want an eating disorder! I have anorexia nervosa (I am in recovery now) and I would not wish it on my worst enemy!It takes over your life, you have an obbsession with counting calories, getting thin and you hate yourself so much, you cannot go out, constanly cold, cant concentrate on anything. Never mind all the medical problems I gained from it. You have no feelings at all and hurt all those around you with no thoughts for anyone else-you DO NOT want and ED.

I think you may have other psychological problems though and may be deeply depressed and I really do feel for you. How do you feel about yourself and can you think when this beginned happening?Hae you recieved any help yet?

I hope you are okay
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549637_tn?1316709428
Honey, you don't want an eating disorder.  I have been through that and it's worse than death and its a miserable way to live.   You never really get over it you just learn tricks to keep yourself sane and somewhat healthy.  It sounds to me like  you have many issues that need to be worked out.  Why have you only seem your psychiatrist once?  Will you see him/her again?  You need to.  I have been suicidal before too I can relate to what you are feeling to a point.  Are you religious?  If so pray and get God's help in this.  You are so young.  You have a lot of life to live.  Try to learn how to enjoy it.  I wasted so much time being down and depressed.  Get help please.  And YOU DO NOT WANT an eating disorder trust me!
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549637_tn?1316709428
You said that doctors don't give meds to teens is that a cultural thing as you are in Greece?  Here in the US they give meds to teens and even children with the parents approval of course.  My 11 year old is on anti depressant medication.  It has helped her a lot!
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Avatar_f_tn
:)sweetie-you need to call your doctor ASAP OR insurance company and get to treatment center for eating disorders.  You need 're-define' your life and do NOT want ED to control your life when you can take back the control and have a happy healthy future....good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
When I was 13, I tried to commit suicide through pure starvation. Irene, it was the worst thing I ever done. I'm 30 now and the suicide attempt turned into eating disorders on and off but huge self acceptance, psychological and psychiatric problems followed. At one point I spent 3 years in a psychiatric hospital without choice. Please don't start the cycle, don't do it to yourself. I can appreciate things must be so difficult for you and who know's maybe some self determination and acceptance could help you. That's how I have to get myself back on the road to recovery.

Maybe it will help you to know that's exactly what I'm going to do....some positive self talk and take the self responsibility that I know we all have. A bit of fighting this, pushing yourself....it's not easy to do but honestly it's very empowering. I'm sure you can find this strength. If it's okay I'll add you as a friend and we can chat if you like. If not all the very best.

mcjay
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Avatar_f_tn
you do not want an ED,

I first started off with bulimia which was horrible but then ended up with Anorexia Nervosa and this is even worse. what is the point with ED nothing because then your life is ruined. im 19 years old weigh 28kgs not very nice at all. im trying to do better now and yes its so hard but i'll never forget what im doing to my body an the affects you get by having a ED is horrendous. i woudnt wish anybody to go through this at all :(
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691024_tn?1233623343
I remember the first time i made myself throw up, when i was 17 i too wanted to have an eating disroder because i was thick, but desired to b e thinner.  Now, my teeth are rotting and when im so hungry and i eta i get sick, i dont even eat 2 crackers and i feel so sick.  Im in recovery fri my bulimia, i keep losing weight.  I might have ruined my chances to ever have kids and my stomach is so messed up.  It's so tiring i still thik about calories and sugar and starches.  you definatley DONT want an ED.  You probably weigh about the same as i do, you probably look real pretty.  If i loked at you i wouldnt think you were fat but when i look at myself i would think im fat.  I didnt read all the responses so I dont know if you still want and ED but, please just dont.
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710289_tn?1233846485
im sorry if im being blunt or mean....but ive taken care of people with EDs that are about to die but dont care to change their ways...its a horrible way to die...probably the worst way...I think your biggest problem is being a manic depressive or bipolar...even if your doc has seen you once and seen the cuts its a straight up diagnosis...also...i dont believe you when you say that you dont want attention...ive seen this a million times and when it comes down to it...the people just wanted to feel cared for (not the EDs but ppl who have said that they wanted to have an ED)
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712314_tn?1303101690
Why would you want an eating disorder? It's horrible! I'm dizzy all the time, tired, getting poked by needles, throwing up blood, my hairs fallling out, more cavities than i could count. I mean and once you start its; hard to stop. I've had bulimerexia for 6 years, and can't seem to over come it. Your going to set yourself up for a lot of pain. I mean if you want to loose weight go on a diet.
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720405_tn?1230524536
simply poor you go get help!!!!!! FASTT!!!!! if your seeking attention pick it up with a psychologist.!why  the **** would you want an eating disorder? im slowly watching some one i love die of anorexia-bullimia.i cry every night every day.and let me tell you, you do not want to go down that path of agony.----its no game, its life or death .remember that .
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi There!
I'm a bulemic in remission, and I still binge every so often. Purging is extremely dangerous, you can break the blood vessels in your throat, and you could end up bleeding out and dying.  I'd been in remission for over 12 years and I caved one day.
I started bleeding when I threw up, and that was the first time in years. This ED is deadly, anorexia can starve you, but this can just straight up kill you quickly.

I have spent over 8,000CDN$ on dental bills, lost some teeth, I have premature bone loss, serious reflux disease, and because I purged so often, my esphogus is messed up, I can't sleep flat on my back. My reflux disease from the purging has caused 2 life threatening asthma attacks from acid going into my lungs.

I'm thinking it was a language error that you wish to have an ED,

ED's are all about control, especially in teen girls, but can happen to guys as well. You need to see your doctor to make sure you're okay and speak with a psychiatrist who can help you get on the right medications, as ED's are compulsions and many do it because of depression and mood disorders.  

I can't express how fast you need to get help. Keep in touch, but you need help, we can only support you here. take care.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey... i dont think this is stupid and i think its how a lot of people think. i have a couple of friends who feel the same way.

doctors do give out meds to teens...im on a lot and im 17!

could you book to see your phychiatrist again?

good luck sweety. xxx
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713020_tn?1230735060
I've always admired girls with anorexia for their self discipline and control. I have total respect for that and their lifestyle if it doesn't get out of control. I have to admit I idolize them. Despite the pain and emotional issues that come with it. Gosh that sounds so wrong. I don't believe attention is what i'm after, no. Just to put my two cents in I guess. That comment made me think.
I've been to the other side, i've lost control. But for the past couple years i've been on the opposite end as an emotional eater/binge eater. Once you've been there you never look at food or yourself the same again. That control and satisfaction is all I want.
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687561_tn?1238404026
This message if for anybody hurting inside so badly that they would want this! GET HELP NOW! Please, I am begging you! You do not really want to die, do you? It might be too late for me to reverse the damage to my broken body but I am going to tell everyone that I can about it so they won't let it happen to them!

GET HELP! You cannot do it alone!

xoxo
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712314_tn?1303101690
Hello.
RobynLynn- I understand what your saying. I admire anorexics too. I'm bulimerexic, but i wish i could get rid of the bulimic and just have the anorexic sometimes. To me the bulimic part is the weakness in myself. However sometimes, i just want it all to stop. Is it so much to ask to be healthy and skinny?

Skweeny- Thank you for caring so much about other people. You will make a difference here. and even with your j-tube, i have hope that you can still get better. If you could eat, with your j-tube, and gain enough weight to have the j-tube taken out, i believe that with a lot of work you could recover.
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687561_tn?1238404026
Every time I read a message like that I cry... I don't know why but it feels like people care and it's so amazing to know people have faith. It gives me faith too!

It really makes me sad to know that there are normal-weight, healthy girls who do that to try and make themselves so skinny. When I see my skin and bones I know how ugly I am!!! I see how people stare at me and I know it's not the right way to be. When you think that way about your body it is no longer a physical problem and the only way to get help is to talk to a professional who understands what you are feeling and going through. I have been through therapy and treatment and I know how much it helps!

Girls and women... it's okay to be normal! Once you damage your bodies you cannot go back - it's painful. Infections that you're body is too weak to fight... kidney failure... bowel problems, heart failure, broken bones!!! Blah... I don't want to "preach" I just REALLY don't want anyone to suffer.

Be well!
xoxo
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712314_tn?1303101690
I know what you mean. i don't want anyone to suffer either. But i'v already been this way for 6 years. I feel it's too late for me to not think like this.  
Your a really good person, for caring so much,
xoxo
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh Rach, *eyeing you* you know better, it's never too late. Ahem, look at me. I'm a survivor and you KNOW you can be too. Are you on anti-depressants?  I don't think I ever asked that, if you aren't, I would suggest it. Honey it's never too late.
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737018_tn?1233609756
Ive been suffring from an ED and I am currently relapsing, and believe me you dont want one.. I used to feel the same way as you.. I even did the whole binging and restricting thing.. i sitll do it, its terrible.. and it a bad way of losing weight too, its not reliable.
Please be careful, I dont wish an ED on anybody, I was in the hospital for 3 months becaue of it, and i missed SO MUCH school, you dont want this. Dont want to stop yourlife for it.. talk to your doctor about being refered to an eating disorder clinic, talk to a nutritionist of a therapist about emotional eating and maybe talk with smoeone about it
best of luck,
Emilie
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Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like you've gone leaps and bounds and you are self aware!  I've relapsed 3 big times  over the years, each time though has been shorter then the one before, because the logical mind learns to kick in right? You will get back "on the wagon" and you know how to do it. Stress, omg stress is such a huge thing, even though I haven't purged in a long time, I still binge when things get rough, it's never ever easy. I'm just figuring things out and I'm 40, I pray that you can figure it out earlier. Even if you didn't get "cured" in the clinic, you have some tools in your purse that you can use when times are tough.
Like any addiction you have to take it day by day right?
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712314_tn?1303101690
To RIPSOON- I know you must be hurting to be suicidal, but i've been there too. I never said to someone that because they admire a quality in someone with an eating disorder(because i do too, i wish i could have the willpower, to stay anorexic instead of going back and forth) that they should admire me for being suicidal. I think the way you worded your response was hurtful, and  i believe that you didn't mean for it to sound that way, but it did, so i think you should try to be more careful.

To LeftCoastChick- i am on antidepressents. I've tried about 20 different ones. What i'm on know seems to be working ok. At one point they wanted to give me shock therapy, but i said no way.
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691024_tn?1233623343
I don't think what I said was mean or hurtful, just an honest opinion.  Wanting attention is something that can be coming out of depression.  I believe what I said was a valid thought.  It didnt have any intention of wanting to "judge and be mean"
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry for my late reply. I'm on another round of meds due to the reactions of my other ones. Don't give up hope, you are doing a lot of work on your own  :)  As I was told once, and I tell myself often, "This too shall pass". I realized I began to withhold food again, due to stress, the nasty B beast showing it's ugly head. I'm in the process of dealing with my anxiety and stress, and making sure I eat 2 meals a day. It sure isn't easy, and I thought I was "over" having B, apparently not. I made myself some fruit popsicles, with lots of good frozen blueberries and strawberries, I added a bit of sweetner in it instead of sugar so I wouldn't feel guilty. Fruit can keep up you blood sugars, rapid changes in blood sugars can sure give you mood swings. It's never easy, it's like any addiction, I think " Today I didn't harm my body", and take it day by day, like the AA method.
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Avatar_f_tn
please, don't put effort into getting an eating disorder
you'll have to put so much more effort into getting out .
it's not a diet plan
it's not a random life choice
it's an illness
a disease that will slowly creep to your mind
and never let you go
atleast, you'll leave having to pay the price
lots of pain comes from this, don't start up on it, please don't do it to yourself.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ripsoon and Rach-
It's okay to agree to disagree - BUT if your correspondence become as heated as it seems, you both need to step back.

personally - I was jealous of an anorexic when I was bulemic, for the fact it was easier not to eat then eat and purge. So yes there are jealousies with some people.

If this goes any further, discuss it in private or discontinue the conversation.
Thanks,
Left Coast Chick
Depression Co-Community Leader
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712314_tn?1303101690
I would gladly discontinue the conversation with Ripsoon. I was just trying to explain how i felt, and it started getting into an arguement. i"m sorry to anyone on this forum if my comments might have upset you in any way.
Rach
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754907_tn?1234195270
I cannot not believe you said you wanted an eating disorder.  You have no idea how hard it is to overcome one.  Everyday is a battle.  I think you need to see a doctor.  Have you read what everyone who has this disease is saying?  You can make yourself sick..lose your quality of life, damage your relationship with others. I could go on and on.  Honey trust me......I have been fighting this for 16 years and I wish I DIDN'T have an eating disorder.
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Avatar_f_tn
Dixie - if you had read the date on the post, you would see it's over a year ago.
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Avatar_m_tn
An eating disorder is such a massive thing,in my life its an addiction,but in another way to me its a relief.I know it is wrong but the guilt of gaining weight is too much,people tell me im thin they sometimes tell me im too thin,but i just cant get that into my head,i remember even as a very young child being sick all the time and i dont remember why!Then as i grew up many troubles my mum being the main one,leaving the family home and getter thinner and thinner as she got more confidense until she made me feel it was wrong to be anything bigger than her ive never been bigger than an 8 now i shop in the childs section.My mum hasnt been in my life for a long time neither does she want to,shes trying to relive her youth which apparently i took from her by her having me at 17,and in turn shes ruined mine.She isnt in my life but the hurt she put upon me is a constant factor in my life through the 1 thing i control,what i eat,overeat then purge and calorie counting.Its a sad thing i know that but thats her lasting reminder to me.
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1140989_tn?1388032108
yes i want to be able to puke after eating
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Avatar_m_tn
Your a stupid idiot. Having anorexia doesn't make it it easy to lose weight. It just makes you really want to because when it gets really bad, it's all you think about.
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Avatar_m_tn
I was just like you at some point. I was smoking pot every day and depressed as ****. I didn't have many friends, my dad was my only family and he hated me coz all I did was smoke pot. I woke up every morning at 4 o clock, have a coffe at 4 5 and 6 o clock, and by 7 I wouldn't be able to hold out any longer. I would eat and eat and eat. I didn't eat any thing else for the rest of the day, trying to burn it off. Only to eat a day and a halfs worth of food the next morning. I was putting on more and more weight every day. I tried every thing. Vegetables, eating slowly, we'll.. That's all. Any way nothing worked. One day I stayed home from school and my dad went out. I ate every thing in the house. Then my mind snapped and I made a rule. No eating in the house. Then I prayed to god to help me lose weight. Stupid huh? Well he did end up punishing me for asking him some thing so rediculos. I made my self walke half an hour away from the house to eat... Two weetbix a day. And then I had to walk back. I did other exercise on top of that like skipping rope and weights. I was pushing my self trying to drain all the energy from my body. I went to hospitals three weeks later after losing 15 kg in three weeks which caused me to pass out. I missed three months of year ten sitting in a hospitals bed suffering heavy cannabis, caffeine and nicotine withdrawals. As well as a strong case of anorexia, which the torment is stronger than any drug. Any way all I'm trying to say is, you're not skinny? Get the **** over it. You'll survive. It's two years later and I'm clean by the way.
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