Aa
please help!
okay well my account got deleted from being too young so im on a friends account and i am so grateful to her . Even though ive got a great friend who knows just about everything im gunna tell you, well i still dont have the answers. I DONT have an eating disorder but is it possible to have the mind of one? when i looked through my diary i had 3 years ago, it made me cry . i had read all about how i tried and tried to lose weight and all that exercise i did. i counted calories and i only vagualy remember too. I still have the thoughts i once had. I still go weeks without eating andd then im back to normal. i dont want this, trust me i dont, but i have so much guilt inside me its once led me to cut myself . only now do i realise how much of a mistake i had made but i still get the urge to harm myself because of all this guilt. i dont feel there is anything wrong with me because physically theres not. but i hate that feeling i get towards myself at times-that awful hate, guilt and just wanting everything to be okay . I hate this feeling and please dont suggest counselors or doctors, honestly wont happen no matter what anyone says. I just want to let it all out and hope someone can understand. I hate going without food and throwing out the best meals on days i have this guilt. :( please help !
Best Answer
I think you are very good at expressing what you are feeling, and what you are expressing is that you are in a lot of pain emotionally, You say you don't have a problem because there is no physical problem, but emotional problems can hurt as much or more than physical ones. Eating disorders are about exactly what you say: thoughts and feelings. And they are very tied in to how we feel about ourselves. You don't say how old you are but I would assume you are a teen and can be a very difficult time for everyone. But some people have a harder time with their feelings and self-esteem than others. I am MUCH older than you but I had a very difficult adolescence and I almost didn't survive it. I hated myself and was very self destructive in a lot of different ways. I also had an eating disorder which is a way of expressing that self-hate. I'm sorry but you say don't suggest counselors but that is exactly what I am going to do. You say " I just want to let it all out and hope someone can understand" and that is what going to a counselor is. Someone who understands and can help you work through these feelings so you start to feel better about who you are and then you won't have the urge to harm yourself. But that takes time and work. Think of it like class: You don't just walk into class the first day of the term and your teacher hands you an "A". You go to class, listen, do assignments and then down the road you get your grade (and learn a lot of interesting things along the way!). Trust me, because I know. If you go through therapy and get recovery, you will be able to enjoy the rest of your teen years without all this guilt. Doesn't that sound good? So please ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist experienced in eating disorders, and begin your recovery. It's scary, but it will be so worth it!
Good for you! Let me know how it goes! Things will get better when you get some help. And that will make everything in your life better as well.
Zoe
Zoe
Nobody on a website can diagnose whether you do or don't have an eating disorder, but you are struggling with your emotions and you do need someone to talk to. If your school counselor is not the one, she can refer you to a therapist. So can a teacher, your doctor, or even just using the phonebook. If it helps to talk to me, just think how much more it will help to talk to a person like me in real life. There are lots of therapists who both care and understand the pain you are going through. You can let this go and struggle with it alone, but you really don't need to suffer this much when help is out there.
i honestly dont think i have an eating disorder even though it sounds alot like it , i dont throw up my food, honeslty i have tried but that was years ago and didnt work. And im not skinny. My school counselor is new and i cant take her seriosly nearly everyone at our school goes just to get out of schoolwork and i know that with one o my friends they dont even talk , she leaves her in a room full of cusions :S . i really like talking to you, ur so easy to talk to but my pareents are completely clueless to how i feel, and they dont notice anything because when i finally lose weight i gain it again by eating heaps .
The second thing you said about not being sure you want help is normal. That is a part of the eating disorder. Your eating disorder wants you to stay sick, but there has to be a you who is in charge and decides to at least take a step towards recovery. That is the healthy you even if it is very small at this point.
As for getting help, people who know anything about eating disorders know that only one type of eating disorder makes you very skinny (anorexia); bulimia does not. Your school counselor or anyone else you talk to knows that eating disorders are all too common among girls your age and would have no reason to think you are just seeking attention. They will see how you are feeling in your face and hear it in your voice. I can, and this is just on a computer! You are doing pretty good at talking to me so just think of it as talking to someone like me only in person. As for your parents, my guess is they are already concerned about you and asking if something is wrong; so they will want to know. It isn't easy telling people. But part of this illness is secrets, so breaking the secret is a way to get better.
As for getting help, people who know anything about eating disorders know that only one type of eating disorder makes you very skinny (anorexia); bulimia does not. Your school counselor or anyone else you talk to knows that eating disorders are all too common among girls your age and would have no reason to think you are just seeking attention. They will see how you are feeling in your face and hear it in your voice. I can, and this is just on a computer! You are doing pretty good at talking to me so just think of it as talking to someone like me only in person. As for your parents, my guess is they are already concerned about you and asking if something is wrong; so they will want to know. It isn't easy telling people. But part of this illness is secrets, so breaking the secret is a way to get better.
oh and i forgot to mention, i know i dont want this but when i really think about it im not sure if i want help i get so lost, something in me wants this-even though im not so sure wat "this" is ?
Thanks so much for replying . I am 15 years old and have been feeling like this since i was about 10. You really seem like you understand and i am so grateful, but im too scared to go to anyone. im afraid theyll think im attention seeking because im not skinny or really ever look depressed. im sorry i mean i really dont think i could do that, besides my parents would have to know then, and thats the last thing i want. I wont have money without them either. There is a school counselor but i know i wont feel open around her. Because i look fine, i just know they either wont believe me or think im an attention seeker. thats really not the case.
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