Is there any explanation?

[volume]

I have disturbing and intrusive thoughts,i feel very guilty for almost 6 years and depressed.Recently i noticed that sometimes when i listen music i start feeling better,i feel i deserve more,i feel happy,optimistic but it lasts only minute and then i get depressed,guilty,anxious,all this optimism and feeling of well being just disapears,and feelings of guilt,worthless,agitation take over me.I will go again to the psychiatrist next week,but i am delaying because i feel very stressed when i have to explain him how i feel,it is so hard and painfull,i feel like a very stupid person.I just feel the need to delay the visit to the psychiatrist because it makes me feel very bad only thinking about going.
Is there any explanation for this?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Yes, there is an explanation for all of this, and it's exactly the kind of thing you should talk to your psychiatrist about...and try to focus on your self doubts, which are large, but as jaquta said in her post to you, feeling bad about yourself is not the same as being stupid....think of yourself as having two views of the world...an old reflex view and a more realistic perspective...I have written more about that in my new website. www.myvirtualshrink.com.....you may get some additional help there.

[Jaquta]

Sounds like too much thinking.  I'm pretty notorious for that too.  
I totally get the doctor thing.  You should be discussing these things regularly with a therapist though so discussing them with your doctor should be a little easier.
I have delayed taking action in the past but often that delay or procrastination can create more stress.
I often feel stupid too but that doesn't necessarily mean we are.  Feelings are not facts.

That's good if you feel better when you're listening to music.  It's a start, right?  It sometimes only takes one small thing for us to get our foot through the door so to speak and to start making progress.  It's not easy but it's a start.

I think the thinking (or over-thinking) is the problem and that that should be addressed.

If you need too make a list of all the salient points you need to bring up with your doctor.  This way once you leave you will feel as though you have covered everything you wanted too and will feel a sense of accomplishment.

Seeing the doctor isn't a test it's just a discussion.  Doctors must see heaps and heaps of patients and I don't expect they mull over (at least I don't think they do) everything every patient says.  They just don't have the time, etc for that.
Rest assured that once you leave they are focused on their next patient.

You're also not stupid because I bet you're probably learning a lot about yourself too.  Some of us may be a bit slower to process stuff but we do it in our own time.  Some things we learn about ourselves can be very challenging.  Many people don't have to look at themselves as deeply as we do ... having too, doesn't make either you or I stupid or dumb.