I really just need to VENT!!!!

[ticked]

growing up i was always made felt that i was a whiner, complainer and a hypocodriac.  My mother never felt the need to come with me to the doctors to see "why" i was sick, she would tell me to suck it up or make me feel like ****.  I also had my sister say to me " why dont you stop being a burden on the family with you problems"  something like that, as if what i was feeling was just made up.  I have spent the last 15yrs suffering from this disease and other ones and have had to go through all of this alone because no one understood. I was sent to see many psyciatrist because people thought i was crazy and insane for imagining such problems on my self and had comments thrown at me like "well you dont look sick" or " get over it" or "there is nothing wrong with you"  and the best one "its not like you have cancer and your going to die"

I thought that after having my surgery that would give me life because at least i would have know that it wasnt me and i wasnt crazy and all those other things people said to me.  I dont feel better infact i feel pissed off and ripped off.  I feel angry.  I find myself wishing that people around me had/have to suffer like i do/did.  

I gave my mother this book on endometriosis because once again when i told her that it was back only months after my surgery her remark was " no, its not back, it wouldnt come back so soon"  i explained to her that she should read the book because it can and it will its just a matter of time and mine is now, 4 months after my surgery.  I told her that the book would educate her on my disease and that she would find out more.  Guess what? she didnt read the book, just like she never took me to the doctors and never cared that i was suffering.  What the hell is wrong with her?  I sent her email years ago about fibromyalgia and suffering from that and how people around you dont understand because they are not aware of the disease and that they think that just because people dont look sick means they arent sick.  She ignored it and never said anything to me.  I sent her another one on my feelings and life suffering since i was 15 and what has been going on with me. this was well before my surgery. She never commented on it and never brought it up.  My younger sister is just like her i am beginning to hate them both actually.  she is as cold hearted as my mother.  She is now 6 weeks pregnant and is such a whiny B%^&% i was never like that pregnant, infact i felt great and guess what my mom says " leave her alone she is pregnant, you should remember how that feels and what its like"  She said i was this B when i was pregnant and i know that i wasnt i would admit it if i was.  I was near the end because i was in an abusive relationship and i was trying to get out, again another situation where i was not aloud to have feelings of hurt, i was just a whiner that couldnt get what she wanted, not an abused pregnant daughter that needed her mother.  argh!!!!!!  i am so irrate right now i could scream.  I think that i have just hit this place where I want to move away from my mother and never talk to them again.  I am going to have one more talk with her and if she cant change how she is, that will be it.  I cant do this anymore.  She wonders why i was so distant and agressive when i was a teenager.  ummmm she doesnt even see why?  How can i stop being so angry with them?  

Once i had my daughter i became friends with this girl and our kids are best friends and they are 5 right now.  She was my support chain through all of this.  I chose when my daughter was three that i wasnt going to ask my mother for anything and that i was going to pretty much cut them off.  I couldnt completely do it.  My mother has this hold on me like i need to look for approval on everything because she seems to think that i cant do anything right.  

i could go on for days with this but i wont, i really dont care who reads this infact i am sure that I am not alone when it comes to being abandonned with this disease and left to suffer and die alone.  That is why i really loved that one mother on here that was looking into this all for her daughter.  that is an amazing mother.  I give her all the respect in the world.  I would never leave my child to suffer like this and my mother should be ashamed of herself not just for her behaviour but how she raised her other daughter to be a heartless person just like her. Its discusting.

[Donnachain]

You go girl !!!! well its better for her not to be in his life than her being there and rejecting him. thats would be much worse. im sure he will understand when he is older :)

[IsabelleCanada]

Hi, I read your story and I'm sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel because I also have a mother who DOESN'T LIKE ME. It's the only way I can explain it. I did cut her out of my life right after I had my son because I went to visit her with this beautiful 5-week old baby and she did not want to hold him or anything.

Remember that anyone can become a parent. Idiots, jerks and malicious people too. I feel like having good parents is like lottery. i sure didn't win. Seems like you didn't either.

Concentrate on the love you can give to your child and husband. THEY are your family.

I sometimes feel sad that my son won,t grow up knowing his grandparents but I trust in my mother instincts and I will always believe that I made this difficult decision out of love for my child. Even if he hates me for it later, I know in my heart of hearts that I saved him so much heartache. My mother is a bad person. Even if she seems like the nicest social lady who helps out others and volunteers, I know what is in her heart and she hates people. She judges anyone who is "different" (including smokers, gays, alcoholics, drugs, overwight, poor, uneducated, other cultures, ...). YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IF YOU MET HER. YOU PROBABLY WOULD WISH SHE WERE YOUR FRIEND.

She's a Jehovah's witness so she preaches love and stuff... boy is she missing out!

Wow, feels good to vent!

[Ms_Makita]

I really dont know what to say...I'm so sorry to hear all this your going through.I get similar things with my family...thinking I'm a hypochrondiac or its in my head until I had laparscopy to prove it was endo,they changed a lil bit,but not understanding enough.If its that negative in your life..might not be a bad idea to distant yourself for awhile,and giving them letter about your feelings is a good step too.
      Even thought they all know it is endo,they cant get it their head how painful it is,or really believe it was causes me some days to barely function,so it in alot of ways I totally understand and feel for you.You have a good support system here..were all here for you anytime time you need to vent..let it all out! your in my thoughts and prayers *hugs*
                Stephanie

[ticked]

definitely!!  i need to get it out. I need to or I am going to go mental.  I will let you know howit goes lol..

[juliesmom]

You're right, you can't focus on a positive future if you're stuck in a negative past.  I don't know about you, but I'm much stronger through email or via phone than face to face and I have an easier time telling someone exactly what I think that way...I get nervous at the thought of a face to face confrontation.  Email must give me strength and bravery or something.

[ticked]

Whats funny is i have had three surgery's in my life the last one being this one and she still has no sympathy.I just dont get it. She is like a robot.  Its like she seems to talk to to other people about me and same with my dad but they dont talk to me.  its like if they showed any compassion they would be weak or something.  argh!! i havent been sleeping because i have been thinking about how I am going to approach them. i was thinking audio or letter and making them read it together or hear it together and than i will really have closure. I need to move on to the rest of my life its just awful to live in this toxic atmosphere. I will never grow living like this and i will not be able to move forward if i dont.  

thanks again

[juliesmom]

Bless your heart, Angela!  I understand what you're saying though, I got a lot of grief from my Mom as well, she's never had to suffer with this kind of thing either so she just thought I was being a drama queen and overplaying the pain when I was younger.  Now I think she realizes that there is a reason for my pain so she doesn't say much about it when I do complain, but not much support either...I get this line from her like "Can't you just take a pill or something?"  After seeing me go through 3 laps she's doing better about trying to be sympathetic, but you know as well as I do that unless you've suffered with endo you have no idea just what it does to your body.  For 10 years people just said, oh, it's just cramps, take a Midol...screw Midol, it does nothing for the pain associated with endo!  

I'm like you though, I can't be mean to people, it's just not in me to do that.  I just take what they dish out and go on about my merry way...maybe we need to learn to be mean.
Hugs, Shelley

[anne72]

I wish i knew what to say to you:( i'm so sorry for all of the pain you have had to go through both emotionally and physically, it's so unfair. I think sometimes, just cutting yourself off from toxic people is the only way to survive even if they are family!
Keep your chin up!!

[ticked]

i wish that i could say that but I am not built that way, i just cant be mean. I wish i could, i would feel awful if i said it.  its not fair is it?  i wish that i could say how i feel more  without feeling like I am hurting someones feelings.  I am learning thought. maybe in time I will learn :)

thanks donnachain your a great support aswell

[Donnachain]

God im so sorry about ur mom and sister. thats terrible. i must say my mom is great but we both believe she was suffering from endo when she was younger to. shes very sympathic. it must be so hard for you ppl saying get over oh my god i think id feckin lose it if someone said that when i was dying of pains. does she think your looking for attention or something? next time ur mom isnt feeling well and your there just say ah stop whining and get over it i think your makin a bigger deal about it than it is and see how she feels she may be a bit more understanding the next time you tell her your not wel. isnt this site great :) we can come and have a good vent with people to listen

[ticked]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.  I too am a christian and raised as one and you wouldnt even know it by the way they treat me.  Its terrible that we have to go through this like this.  No one should ever have to do this alone. I dont think that my younger sister realises that she is like that and maybe she does.  I have probably went to over 100 if not more appointments only to be told that there was nothing wrong with me.  I told my sister that she better hope to God that the medical system never lets her down like it did me.  She doesnt get it because she is healthy.  How could she?  It still doesnt make it fair.  My mother has colitis and you would think that she would be more understanding, but i guess that is what you get from some with a disease that can potentially be helped and given medication for.  Someone who can truly change.  A disease that the medical system can detect right away and have the right medication and knowledge for it.


i was up until 4am last night i couldnt sleep i was crying so much.  I really wish that i could tell them all off, but i am not like that because what would that prove right?  I am jsut sick of those draining people that bring you down when you are trying your best to get back up.  

I am really sorry that you are going through so much as well.  Maybe i need  to really move away and be just my daughter and I and start over.  I dont know how not to talk about my disease or how I am feeling on a particular day and i guess that is what they want.  I should eat what they do, live like they do, not complain and lie about how i feel.

its hard to understand what to do, i am just so confused right now.  I have done my job by appologising to them for being a burden even though i ask them for nothing.  Also i have sent them each a letter telling them i was sorry for the way i was as a teenager. it doesnt matter what i do.

my older sister was diagnosed with skitzoprhinia last March and for two years my parents ignored me that there was something wrong with her they kept saying it was a phase and that she would be fine, well she wasnt and she still isnt.  She is on medication and lives in their basement and she is not only suicidal she is depressed and needs friends to talk to or eveni dont know her PARENTS!!!  my mom just ingores it. I told my mom to go with her to the doctors so that she understands what the doctor si saying and that she tells the doctor how she is feeling. She wont.  she makes me ill.  What happens when she kills herself?  what happens than?  all of the sudden they realise they could have done something and they spend the rest of their lives feeling guilty that they never did anything and they could have?  i wouldnt even want to hear it, because it would be their fault completely.  That is how it has been growing up, ignore the problem it will go away.  damn babyboomer attitude... no offense to the common sense baby boomers:)  

anyways that is my last vent i feel better this morning and better that I am not alone.

[DLA]

I'm so sorry for the way your mother treated you.  It's really not fair and nobody could blame you for moving away and not having anything to do with her.

Mine was bipolar disease.  When I was in such a depression that I wanted to die my mother would tell me to get over it.  Quit sitting there moping.  Go outside and work, it'll make you feel better.  Then at 25 when I was dx until now it has been an embarrassment to both my parents.  I'm so over that.  I talk about it now like I do my diabetes.

I've had a lot of illness in the last 8 years starting with Graves' Disease.  It's a thyroid disease that makes you feel like you're going to die.  But they couldn't see anything wrong with me.  Got a lot of "well, you don't look sick"s too.  It's been that way for the solid 8 years and yes, my mom has been the worst most of the time.  She thinks I'm just weak.

For a long time it bothered me and then I realized she was the one with the problem and I don't care what she says.  I use to really seek approval, but not anymore.  Take me as I am or leave me.  We actually have a good relationship now, but I had to learn to stand up to her first.  Now I don't let her by with anything.

If your mom can't do this it is her loss.  Having a child, as you know, is the most precious gift we can receive on earth.  Not only is she missing out on a wonderful daughter but also a wonderful granddaughter.  You have to take care of you and your little girl above all else.  I know how badly it hurts when your mom treats you like this, but some times there's just nothing we can do to change them.

As a Christian I feel sorry for her and your sister.  What a miserable life they both have to have to try and make everyone else around them as miserable as they are.  Don't let them do that to you.  You deserve so much better than that.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}