First, you can't seem to spell out the word "sex." I'm wondering if this indicates a discomfort with sex? If it's worth doing, it's worth talking about. And it's certainly worth spelling out.
Second, you've described your husband as a "control freak." This is a value-laden term, usually used as a weapon by one person against another. What's your definition of a control freak, and why are you applying this term to your husband? In my experience, people who are described as control freaks aren't necessarily trying to control others, but rather their own environment. For instance, they may need lots of quiet contemplative time, so they may always be asking their partner to turn down the TV, or talk in a quieter voice. In other words, you may THINK your partner is trying to control you, but it's not that simple.
Thirdly, you say he prefers self-pleasuring to being sexual with you. I have no idea why that may be, since I can't talk with him. However, I can list some possible reasons: he might be bored with the sexual activities you’re doing together, or there may be some conflicts in the relationship which are contritubing to him feeling anxious or angry.
Speaking of angry: it sounds to me like you may be angry, and I'm wondering if you're aware of this. Certainly, if you perceive your husband would rather have Internet sex than sex with you, your anger is understandable.
There may be something else going on, and he’s looking for an opening to tell you. Only one way to find out: ask. So you two need to sit down and discuss this—but not in an accusatory way. Don’t attack him, because when you attack someone, what happens? That’s right; they get defensive—and with good reason. To have a constructive discussion, share your feelings in a calm, non-confrontational manner—and use “I” statements. That means you share your feelings without blaming or accusing him. For instance, you might say: “Honey, I love you so much, and I love having sex with you, and I miss you. I miss being close, and I miss being sexual. I don't know what's happening with you, and I'd really be grateful if you could share with me. I’m just wondering if we can work out something so we can still have sex and be close?” You get the picture. Offer some possible solutions too.
If talking together isn't an option, or if you need further help, I suggest the two of you see a counselor who can help you discuss your issues in a safe, non-threatening environment. Best of luck. Dr. J
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. MedHelp is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.