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Early Ejaculation

My boyfriend is concerned because the past two times I've given him a hand job.. it has only taken him about 1-2 minutes to ejaculate. Usually this doesn't happen, it takes longer for him to finish. So he's really concerned about what would be the cause of this. The first time it happened, the day before he had blue balls. But the second time he hadn't had anything different happen to him.. Is it just pent up tension? Or is something else to blame?
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523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You're most welcome. Any time. Dr. J
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Avatar universal
Thanks for your help!
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523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Kirsten.

I can't tell you anything about your boyfriend because he's not writing to me--you are. Since I haven't heard from him, I can't possibly guess what his issues are. I can only give you a list of possible contributing factors which you can share with him. If he's still in the dark, encourage him to write to me himself.

First, I would tell him to stop worrying about coming quickly one or two times. This is insignificant and doesn't mean anything. In fact, he probably got so anxious after the first time, that he began obsessing about it and his anxiety caused him to come quickly the second time. The more he worries, the more it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Here's some more information for him:

During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt, anxiety and relationship conflict may create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.

Many men think they have to last a very long time in order to please their partner, yet most studies show that around 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex . I wonder if you’ve asked your wife whether SHE also wants you to last longer? Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow she’ll have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women.

That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:

First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.

Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality. And naturally, any relationship conflicts can also contribute.

And do try not to get all hung up on this. If there's one thing we can say with certainly it's that being hung up on "performance" or seeing sex as all about technique, is a major buzzkill. In fact, the opposite is where all the fun is: just get into what's going on in the moment and flow with it. Once you can relax and enjoy the simple pleasure of touch without letting your brain interfere, you'll have the foundation for a great sex life. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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