Erection dysfunction or physiological issue?

I think that I might have the answer to this question but I still need to ask. I am 43 years old and I have never had a problem with erection, however as I grow older if I masturbate I only get a half way erection. But with women I never had a problem and I always did get a good erection.

A year ago a met a girl and she became my girlfriend. Little after 3 months I moved in with her. I know that she had a rough past relation (domestic and berval violence) and she has high prolactine levels. She takes meds for that.

It has been over a year now and our sex live has always been a mission. She has no sex drive at all and we have been having sex once or twice per week because I have tried to make her understand that I can’t live like this. But to get to the point; every time we try to have sex I feel as if I am with a robot. She will laydown in the bed and stimulate her self with a vibrator but she will not touch me at all or make any initiatives. I will then try to stimulate her and there is always a problem, it hurts her or she doesn’t like this or that. Then in the middle of the initial sex she starts to talk about something else not related to the moment.

As a result I keep loosing my erection and it has got to the point that I am afraid to have sex with her because of rejection or failing. I get hard when I see some feelings in her, but most of the time she is like a rock, not even a change in her breathing. When I get an erection I then try to insert it in as soon as possible before I loose it, but then again most of the time I loose it because she is not lubricated enough. She is a wonderful person, and she is very tender but the bed is not working.

Is her reaction the result of my problems or could I also be experiencing a possible dysfunction?

Thank You

[Bigboi223]

Hey Buddy,

Your story is very interesting.  While I am no expert by any means, it most definately appears to be as though your erection problem is not physiological but more or less a result of your girlfriend's situation.  As far as the masturbating goes, it is of no suprise that a real live woman would make you harder than a simple hand job administered by yourself.  I'm only 23 years old and I still have the same issue with my girlfriend (she makes me harder than I can on my own) so I don't think your age has anything to do with it.

I would try and recommend you and your girlfriend perhaps exploring the option of visiting a sex therapist together.  My girlfriend has never had an orgasm until after we started going to this therapist and after overcoming her mental block, she's been able to experience them ever since.  I'm sure your girlfriend is a wonderful person but she has gone through a very traumatic experience from the sounds of it.  I don't think that making an effort to try a little mental conditioning would hurt.

-BigBoi223

[pitr36]

Thanks for the input. It is very welcome because these are not thing you actually expose out there to your friends. The truth is that I asked my girl to make an appointment with her family planning doctor. I suggested something that will help her sex drive. I am sure that this person will recommmend a counselor. One way or the other this has to get fixed because it has been too long and as much as I love her I am getting hurt.

[DerekH]

Like the other guy said, it seems like your problem is related to hers, I had an ex who had problems getting aroused and had a medication for it, Female Rx Booster or something like that.  I know from back in college when I worked in a sex shop they sold some stuff that was supposed to turn on women too, not sure if it worked as I never tried it, but it seemed to me that when that ex of mine took the booster stuff she seemed more in the mood.  It may have been just a placebo effect, but any effect was better than nothing.