FRUSTRATED

[Spookie248]

I am 53, my husband is 55.  For approx. 3 years now he has climaxed the moment he enters my vagina (2 to 3 seconds max).  He DOES have a low testosterone level and FINALLY went to see a urologist approx. four months ago.  He prescribed testosterone injections every 2 weeks, and is on his second (10 dose) bottle.  He also tried Viagra and others that he had side effects with and stopped taking them (He said they didn't help him anyway).  The issue I have with all of this (besides grieving over 'the loss' of the wonderful sensation of intercourse and the intimate times we USED TO HAVE during sexual intercourse) is that HE CAN MAINTAIN AN ERECTION WHILE WATCHING PORN FOR AS LONG AS HE WANTS!!!  And he does fine masturbating!!!  I fight ANGER issues because sometimes I feel since he can maintain and control erections with porn and masturbation, he should be able to maintain and control erections 'with' and 'for' me.  I get the feeling he thinks if he performs oral sex on me, then he has 'made up for' the inability to have intercourse with me.  FOR ME, oral sex doesn't hold a candle to the real thing!  All of this is really starting to affect me in a negative way.  I've cried a river, gotten angry, been depressed, and feel like our sex life is over (in the sense we once knew it) and I have a hard time accepting that.  I've got a STRONG SEX DRIVE and do masturbate but I long to have 'good sex' once again with my husband.  PLEASE, if you have any insight to what may be happening or something I am looking over, I would appreciate your professional as well as honest reply.  Until he agreed to see a urologist, I felt like he was being totally selfish and CHOOSING to masturbate over having sex with me.  It was beginning to cause a lot of trouble between us.  I STILL don't understand it all and would love to know there was something/anything out there that could help us!!!!!


This discussion is related to Masturbation.

[myankee]

hi dear,wow,life ***** for those with strong sex drives,n deprived.as a 57 yr successfull man,who has had more sex in the past with to many partners.somehow i got lucky at 43 nfound my honie 26,an irishman n dominican.wow.well at 49 surgeries on hands  hip shoulder,set me back, but even up to 55 oral n intercourse put us both in another world.well i got hooked on opiods my testosterone was 67n now i get shots .i feel hate when i *** in 2 to 3 seconds.i feel guilty,as shes very understanding n masturbates but i recognize on her bad days,,the neck kills her.allergies n all little things,i realize,if only i could connect intercourse,she wood be less in pain,as orgasns send her to the moon.so dear im going to an outpatient detox june 1 .my urologist wants to insert pellets that last 4 months.but i feel,no guaranty, n  u are hearing a man who at 51 at 6 pm n people fishing20 feet from us,we d do each other.i feel u  pain n sometimes in life,,its time out  or games `o```````ver``,`as```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````my endocronologist says,50 yrs ago,life exectancy was 50,so be greatfull. no way,im depressed n guilty n we fight like we never ever did,n guess what.  im sincerely sorry n feel incomplete,but havent given up.even cialistakes me time.the hole thing  ***** n ps what a lucky man  having his horny wife always available,as many woman close shop,yrs earlier.keep the faith.tom nyc,***@****

[Spookie248]

Will your wife go to therapy with you?  Or maybe she should go alone.  Maybe if she had someone to talk to openly about the frustrations that she feels, they perhaps can enlighten her that she is not to blame.  And that it is strictly a medical issue that you didn't ask for.  

Good luck to you.  I hope that you find answers to why you no longer orgasm.  Maybe when your wife starts showing some understanding you can relax and......who knows.....since you can get aroused now,  the orgasms will probably come back, too.

I wish you well.

[depressed5150]

I'm a male with a different issue from yours, but we do share similar frustrations.  As for me, I don't have a wife that wants me.  I had multiple surgeries and now I have lost the ability to orgasm.  I had the prostate removed four years ago and both testicles removed due to injury that cause the testicle to lose blood supply and it was not working and only causing pain.  I'm only in my early 40s and I don't have any sex.  It's been 9 years and after I had these surgeries, I lost the ability to orgasm.  I can have erections (I'm on testosterone replacements) and I can stay hard for a long time.  The trouble is my inability to orgasm.  My wife has taken this personally and feels that it's her fault.  I assured her that it was not, but she has lost interest in any sex.  Now that I have my hormone levels back to normal, I feel and desire sex, but I just end up sleeping lone.  I stopped masturbating because it only makes things worse when I don't feel any relief.

I can relate to your frustration.  I did seek help from a sex therapist.  After all these years, I started to feel like I was nothing.  I did see a sex surrogate with the help of my psychiatrist.  I learned how to find other pleasures, but I still wish I had someone that wanted me.

My advice to you is seek help.  At least you have the ability to have pleasure.  I'm hoping that you will be able to work things out with your husband.  You deserve to have a healthy sex life.  Take care, Chris