Here is the situation - For the past few months on and off I have had bouts of ED when my wife initiates sex. I'm into it, but for whatever reason one day it just didn't come up. I was very confused, which cased a lot of anxiety for me about as to why I was experiencing this. I am very attracted to my wife and enjoy having sex with her. I am only in my early 30's and have no medical history or drugs or smoking or anything of the sort. No medications either.
It was an isolated incident, and did not happen the next several times in the following weeks.
Anyway, we then tried working at having a baby for a few months, and the anxiety and pressure to preform on command at the perfectly timed windows, caused the ED to happen again. I felt very anxious about hitting that perfect window and being ready, etc. I have read this is very common.
Anyway, window ended for baby making and everything went back to working normal - Until just recently. We are not working at the baby making, and suddenly - no luck. The ED came back. I was very in the mood, but the anxiety flared up and me worrying about "what if it doesn't work" - killed it for me.
My wife is convinced this is 100% her fault and that it all relates to me not finding her attractive (which is quite the opposite), and has led her to feel that it is her fault because she had gained a little weight in the past few months. (Again, something that I wasn't even thinking about). She feels very rejected and hurt, even though she knows I did not "not" get hard on purpose - But that it is something subconscious in me that is not finding her attractive.
I could not disagree more. I feel it is completely me worrying about my past performance that is causing this, and something I need to get over with repeated successful tries. I think its completely psychological.
She now has no interest in even trying to have sex, out of fear of feeling rejected - no matter how much I try to explain that this issue has nothing to do with her being rejected. I feel like I'm up against a brick wall and can not move forward without her having a better understanding of the reality of the situation. Is there any way to get through on this, so we can move forward? I've sited medical facts, research and other peoples stories on this, and she is still convinced that ultimately, it is her.