Impotence

Please help. Erection problems started 2 yrs ago. Ive been to 3 urologists and they all told me I needed a plastic prosthesis; I have lost blood pressure, broken valves, and no longer produce testosterone. Im 45 yrs old, in top physical condition with no heart or diabetes issues, but I am completely impotent and It is painful both physically and socially, and I have no motivation for anything other that buy life insurance and get my affairs in order. I wish to find a surgeon to repair this, or tell me strait up what to do..any suggestions would be helpful. Or am I done in the sex and relationship dept. Any comments would be helpful, thank you

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello Jerry.

I’m not sure I understand your condition. You state that you have low blood pressure and broken valves, and yet you say you have no heart issues. I believe low blood pressure and broken valves are definitely cardiovascular issues. I’m not sure why you don’t produce testosterone. If, in fact, you don’t, then perhaps a visit to an endocrinologist could determine what’s going on and whether you would benefit from hormone replacement.

It pains me when men use the term “impotent” because it means “powerless.” You’re not powerless, you just have some health concerns which you can, in fact, do something about. In addition, that term means many things to many people—from not being able to get an erection in a problematic relationship to NEVER having an erection for any reason. And everything in between.

It sounds like you’re depressed because you feel hopeless about this. And I’m here to tell you that it need not be hopeless. You need to see an endocrinologist about your hormonal output and also begin to explore sexuality from a different perspective.

Our society does a terrible disservice to men by raising them to think that their penis has to be 10 inches long, hard as a rock and last all night. It’s no wonder that many men feel insecure about their sexuality. Great sex involves your whole body; in fact, having great, mutually satisfying sex is usually quite the opposite of what you see in those performance-oriented sex videos.

I recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality,” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available used and in paperback. Dr. Zilbergeld, a renowned sexologist, has many suggestions for men who are dealing with physiological conditions, and has much wisdom to impart. Best of luck to you. Dr. J