Is it ED orsomething else?

Im a 17 year old male, and i started having sex with my ex girlfriend about a year ago when we both were 16. The first time we actually slept together we both were virgins and i eyaculated in about 10 seconds losing my erection in about the same time. The next times we did it i lasted for a little bit longer but that was about it; sometimes i could keep an erection for 5 minutes, others for not even one. I do not do any kind of drugs or drink any alcohol whatsoever, i do pratice lots of sports and work out as well, so i do not really know what to do anymore because this has happened to me again in my last two sexual encounters with other girls and it is kinda embarrasing. According to my older cousin who is studying medicine for his fourth year; i should stop masturbating so my penis dont be so sensible and eyaculate so quickly or something like that but it doesnt really work..any advices or help please?

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

First of all, your cousin has it backwards: Self-pleasuring does NOT cause your penis to be overly sensitive. In fact, it's just the opposite, so please stop worrying about it.

If you read some of the other posts, you’ll discover that this is a very common concern—particularly among younger men. I encourage you to look at some of the other posts so you can see that you’re not alone—and also see how easy it is to learn to last longer if you so desire.

During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) So if you learned to come quickly when being sexual with yourself, that can also set up a lifelong pattern. Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt and anxiety about sex may also create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.

Once you learn to control your orgasm, realize that each man has an individual orgasmic pattern unique to him. A lot of this anxiety about “premature” ejaculation is based on paranoia, and the idea that it's somehow ideal to have erections last way longer than they tend to realistically for most men, most of the time. Sure, sometimes, a man might last 15 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour, but 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex. I wonder if you’ve asked your partner how long she would like you to last? Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow she’ll have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women, so please don’t attempt to reach some kind of “orgasmic goal” because you think it will ultimately please her.

That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:

First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.

Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality. And naturally, if there are any relationship conflicts or you’re angry or feeling resentful about your partner, these can also contribute to wanting to get it over with. It sounds to me like you've just become very anxious about this--and, of course, the more you worry, the more you contribute to this pattern. So relax, slow down, and have fun. Best of luck to you. Dr. J