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Maintaining Penetration Strength Erection
Hi,
I am writing to you because I have a question about guys; I have had 2 sexual partners before my current boyfriend and none of them had the same problem we are encountering now. My boyfriend gets erections and he's able to ejaculate everytime but very often when we want to change positions and the penetration stops, in order to change, he loses his erection and it´s starting to bother me because the other guys were fine all the time. I say nothing to him and try to stimulate him with my hands so that he can penetrate me again but I get turned off by this...I really don't think he has anxiety problems concerning his performance (I'm afraid that I might cause them by telling him his problem bothers me) so I'm thinking it may be something physical...he doesn't drink much, doesn't do drugs, he's a very light smoker, and he has back pain sometimes in the morning or at night (maybe caused by stress at work). he's almost 28 and wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee but just once per night...this problem is there ever since I can remember...what could be wrong with him other than maybe the stress? what are the physical causes of this kind of problem? thanks
I am writing to you because I have a question about guys; I have had 2 sexual partners before my current boyfriend and none of them had the same problem we are encountering now. My boyfriend gets erections and he's able to ejaculate everytime but very often when we want to change positions and the penetration stops, in order to change, he loses his erection and it´s starting to bother me because the other guys were fine all the time. I say nothing to him and try to stimulate him with my hands so that he can penetrate me again but I get turned off by this...I really don't think he has anxiety problems concerning his performance (I'm afraid that I might cause them by telling him his problem bothers me) so I'm thinking it may be something physical...he doesn't drink much, doesn't do drugs, he's a very light smoker, and he has back pain sometimes in the morning or at night (maybe caused by stress at work). he's almost 28 and wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee but just once per night...this problem is there ever since I can remember...what could be wrong with him other than maybe the stress? what are the physical causes of this kind of problem? thanks
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You're welcome! I'm glad you have some insights into your feelings. The more you learn about yourself, the more you can understand your behavior, and that understanding will enable you to change the ones that aren't working so well for you. Dr. J
Thank you so much for your answer, it's really helping me a lot to think. Especially the last line where you said "don't look for things to get upset or worried about".
It is true that I tend to compare my current boyfriend with the guy before him because we almost got married and I think after him I became very very judgmental about everything, so it might be all in my head
Thank you so much again
It is true that I tend to compare my current boyfriend with the guy before him because we almost got married and I think after him I became very very judgmental about everything, so it might be all in my head
Thank you so much again
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Angie.
PLEASE don't judge your boyfriend based on your past partners! Every one is different, and every one's body responds differently. Just because your boyfriend's erection goes away temporarily, it doesn't mean he isn't turned on to you.
There's nothing "wrong" with him. Here's some information about erections.
Some men are so excited about sex that nothing affects their erections, while others may be a bit more experienced and relaxed. In addition, some condoms lessen the stimulation. If you're using condoms that are thicker, this may mean that your partner needs a bit more stimulation to stay erect. If this is true for your partner, you suggest using a thinner condom.
However, it's important to realize that erections go up and down. This happens to men all the time, and it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to stop putting these performance expectations on your partner. Changing positions can sometimes lessen sensation, at which point the penis goes down a bit. Once your partner is stimulated again in the new position, erection returns. It has nothing to do with you, and there's nothing wrong with him. It's not bothering him, so please don't make it into a big deal. Relax and enjoy yourself. If you're enjoying sex with him and the relationship is going well, don't look for things to get upset or worried about. Dr. J
PLEASE don't judge your boyfriend based on your past partners! Every one is different, and every one's body responds differently. Just because your boyfriend's erection goes away temporarily, it doesn't mean he isn't turned on to you.
There's nothing "wrong" with him. Here's some information about erections.
Some men are so excited about sex that nothing affects their erections, while others may be a bit more experienced and relaxed. In addition, some condoms lessen the stimulation. If you're using condoms that are thicker, this may mean that your partner needs a bit more stimulation to stay erect. If this is true for your partner, you suggest using a thinner condom.
However, it's important to realize that erections go up and down. This happens to men all the time, and it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to stop putting these performance expectations on your partner. Changing positions can sometimes lessen sensation, at which point the penis goes down a bit. Once your partner is stimulated again in the new position, erection returns. It has nothing to do with you, and there's nothing wrong with him. It's not bothering him, so please don't make it into a big deal. Relax and enjoy yourself. If you're enjoying sex with him and the relationship is going well, don't look for things to get upset or worried about. Dr. J
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