Aa
No sex
My fiancée won't or can't have sex with me. We have been together for a year now. At first the sex was great, even if he didn't come. He always pleasured me. Now it's only his morning wood that I get off that. He can come with me, but he can jack off and come. One day we were napping and just cuddling. He woke up before me and lubed up and stick it in. We were doing great and then all of a sudden he jumps up and said "I can't do this!"
Why? I feel like it's me or he really don't love me. I tried telling him to see a doctor and he said don't bring it up again.
But, he tells me is not me. I'm hurt but yet feel bad.
What do I do?
Why? I feel like it's me or he really don't love me. I tried telling him to see a doctor and he said don't bring it up again.
But, he tells me is not me. I'm hurt but yet feel bad.
What do I do?
Unfortunately you can't force him to get help, but the right thing for him to do would be to work on the underlying issues, because in this case, there are definitely underlying issues.
I really do not think he is gay and I really do not think it is your fault at all. If you two can work on his problem together it will not have to be a sexless marriage either.
This is a very common problem for both genders and it is very natural for you to feel guilty and upset or like you are not good enough when your partner experiences sexual problems, but the fact is these problems are not about you and I'd be willing to bet that the fear that he is hurting you and dissapointing you is making it even worse.
Like most men, he probably feels really inadequete and helpless when he experiences problems during sex.
And like most men, these problems during sex have nothing to do with you but are purely emotional, psychological or physical. For example stress, depression, medication or even health problems can all effect libido and sexual performance in both men and women.
It's hard not to take it personally, but I really do not think you have to be worried or concerned about it being your fault. He should definitely go to a doctor to see if there are no health conditions causing it, a therapist or counsellor to see if there are emotional roots - and openly and honestly speaking to you to see if there is an area in your relationship that is causing trust issues or other problems that need to be addressed.
For example, this happened to me and I started having pain and issues having sex with my partner and he felt the same way as you, wondering if it was because of him and that made me feel even worse therefore it made the problem even worse. But we both sat down and talked about it and I did a lot of personal work to figure out what the issue was, and it was a really simple issue, with a really simple fix. I just had a trust issue and all I had to do was talk to him about it and trust him and then it was all resolved.
People often forget that sex is not just a physical thing, it is really entwined with our emotions and how we feel, when that isn't up to par it can really ruin the experience.
Don't take it personally, instead work with him as a true partner to help him and support him through it. Maybe he's going through something big right now.
Ultimately, you don't have to stick around if you don't want to, but if you do love him then sex shouldn't be the only thing that matters to you in the first place. If he wants to take a break for awhile to work on things, you should be supportive of that. Talk to him honestly about how it makes you feel and try to trust him when he tells you it's not because he doesn't like you.
It sounds like your relationship is lacking a lot more than just sex, it's also lacking trust which is a fundamental thing that keeps couples together, so maybe this is a good time for you to strengthen that trust and become closer to him in that way, rather than just focusing on sex, but that's just my two cents. I would trust your partner and not worry about it being your fault.
I really do not think he is gay and I really do not think it is your fault at all. If you two can work on his problem together it will not have to be a sexless marriage either.
This is a very common problem for both genders and it is very natural for you to feel guilty and upset or like you are not good enough when your partner experiences sexual problems, but the fact is these problems are not about you and I'd be willing to bet that the fear that he is hurting you and dissapointing you is making it even worse.
Like most men, he probably feels really inadequete and helpless when he experiences problems during sex.
And like most men, these problems during sex have nothing to do with you but are purely emotional, psychological or physical. For example stress, depression, medication or even health problems can all effect libido and sexual performance in both men and women.
It's hard not to take it personally, but I really do not think you have to be worried or concerned about it being your fault. He should definitely go to a doctor to see if there are no health conditions causing it, a therapist or counsellor to see if there are emotional roots - and openly and honestly speaking to you to see if there is an area in your relationship that is causing trust issues or other problems that need to be addressed.
For example, this happened to me and I started having pain and issues having sex with my partner and he felt the same way as you, wondering if it was because of him and that made me feel even worse therefore it made the problem even worse. But we both sat down and talked about it and I did a lot of personal work to figure out what the issue was, and it was a really simple issue, with a really simple fix. I just had a trust issue and all I had to do was talk to him about it and trust him and then it was all resolved.
People often forget that sex is not just a physical thing, it is really entwined with our emotions and how we feel, when that isn't up to par it can really ruin the experience.
Don't take it personally, instead work with him as a true partner to help him and support him through it. Maybe he's going through something big right now.
Ultimately, you don't have to stick around if you don't want to, but if you do love him then sex shouldn't be the only thing that matters to you in the first place. If he wants to take a break for awhile to work on things, you should be supportive of that. Talk to him honestly about how it makes you feel and try to trust him when he tells you it's not because he doesn't like you.
It sounds like your relationship is lacking a lot more than just sex, it's also lacking trust which is a fundamental thing that keeps couples together, so maybe this is a good time for you to strengthen that trust and become closer to him in that way, rather than just focusing on sex, but that's just my two cents. I would trust your partner and not worry about it being your fault.
The first thing I would do (in your shoes) is assume he is gay, and is trying to go through with a straight relationship for reasons of his own -- sometimes social pressure, religious belief or possibly pleasing his parents will make a gay guy try to will himself to be straight. If you are certain that is not it, I would then ask if he wants to remain engaged, because the writing is on the wall that this would be a marriage without sex.
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