This is my first post, hopefully it will be one of my last. I am 18 years old, slightly overweight and just under 6 feet. I am in a serious relationship with a girl and we've been dating for almost 3 months, hooking up for 4. I love her, and she loves me, and when we're hanging out or just talking there is no stress or problem and life is perfect. But when we get to the point where we are becoming intimate, I get pretty hard from touching and kissing and can maintain an erection during oral sex and can ejaculate during oral sex, but if I think about actual sex or begin to attempt it my penis goes soft. I am in love with this girl, and I know it hurts her that for some reason we can't have sex. I have a couple of ideas for this: first it's anxiety. I was not popular or happy in high school and very self conscious. In college now I have plenty of friends, I'm comfortable with myself, and my girlfriend is hotter than any girl I thought would be interested in me. Being worried about performance (I was a virgin before I met her, and technically I still am?) definitely contributes to my impotence but we tried to have sex two months ago and it's still a problem. My second idea is that I may be addicted to porn. Scratch that, I am addicted to porn but I don't know to what extent. I've never gone more than 2 weeks without jacking off, and besides a few vacations and other exceptions I have looked at porn every day since sophomore year. I'm working on both issues, I'm just not sure which is more related to my sex problem. I would hate to have this relationship end for a reason like this, especially since I've never felt this way about a girl before - ever. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.
It sounds to me like your 18. Lol. Quit stressing so much! **** like this happens to ALOT of guys your age. TRUST me. It's completely in your head. I don't think watching porn has to do with it unless when you get with this girl you're not turned on at all unless you think about porn and not her.
I don't think you have a problem at all. Take your time, let things happen naturally, and you'll be OK. My only advice for now is lay off the porn just a bit - at least while you and your GF are having relations and see if that helps.
I had exactly the same problem with my ex and yes I am still virgin and she is now married. I know that it was anxiety because I was religious and scared to do that. I was also porn addicted at that time. I was getting hard when I touch her but as soon as it is time to real sex, I was going soft. I am sure this is not a big problem, I would go to a sex therapist, I am sure that would help. But please go before it gets worse. Mine got worse already, coz I have more other problems now..
You know what you guys should do is the following. Try mastrubating for a while in the same way that girls do. And by this I mean: Set the mood when your masturbating (or having sex) by lighting some candles, dimming the light, turning on music etc. Then: concentrate on your body, discover yourself, discover what you like, like when you first started masturbating, get some lube or something and discover your body. Last but not least enjoy! Sex is all about enjoying yourself, you dont have to prove anything (in porn you do, in sex you dont!). take it easy you'll be fine.
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