Aa
Premature ejaculation?
I'm a 20 year old male and am healthy as far as I know. I'm still a virgin, one prominent reason being that I have premature ejaculation so every time I'm offered a ** I turn it down because I can see how embarrassing it would be if I reached climax in 10 seconds. I know I have premature ejaculation because when I masturbate I can reach climax in 20 seconds or so, and it's suppose to be 2-3 minutes for a normal guy.
So what the hell to do now? I'm getting a bit too old to be a virgin, and I need to get some sort of a solution to this whole thing.
I don't have any problems with controlling my urges, it's just that they come sooner than they are suppose to. What usually happens when I masturbate is that I feel I reached climax after about 20 seconds, then I stop for about 10 seconds, go for about 5 seconds, stop for 10 seconds, go for 5 seconds, etc. I can do that all day long.
So what the hell to do now? I'm getting a bit too old to be a virgin, and I need to get some sort of a solution to this whole thing.
I don't have any problems with controlling my urges, it's just that they come sooner than they are suppose to. What usually happens when I masturbate is that I feel I reached climax after about 20 seconds, then I stop for about 10 seconds, go for about 5 seconds, stop for 10 seconds, go for 5 seconds, etc. I can do that all day long.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I'm afraid you're misunderstanding me. You've set your body up to respond quickly, and now you need to slow it down. You're not "abnormal," and you CAN teach yourself to slow down by using the technique I described above. This will involve you WANTING to slow down; however, so you'll need to change your attitude and want to slow down more than you want to orgasm. If you're truly motivated to do this, you can make it happen. And there's no "normal guy," so please stop telling yourself that. Everyone is different.
Thank you very much for the answer, it was very helpful. However, the techniques you offered me to practice imply that I have no control over my orgasm. I have full control of when I want to "release," the only problem that I have is that I reach the point of wanting to "release" sooner than most guys. So, for example, when I start masturbating it usually takes me anywhere between 15-20 seconds until I feel I can reach climax, whereas a normal guy would need at least 2-3 minutes of thrusting to get there. Now, after those 20 seconds, I can break for a few seconds and then go on for a bit more, but you see, it's abnormal for me to be able to reach climax so fast...
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi there.
First, let me put your mind at ease. There's no such thing as a "normal guy." Everyone is different.
If you read some of the other posts, you’ll discover that this is a very common concern—particularly among younger men. I encourage you to look at some of the other posts so you can see that you’re not alone—and also see how easy it is to learn to last longer if you so desire.
During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) So if you learned to come quickly when being sexual with yourself, that can also set up a lifelong pattern. Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt and anxiety about sex may also create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.
Once you learn to control your orgasm, realize that each man has an individual orgasmic pattern unique to him. A lot of this anxiety about “premature” ejaculation is based on paranoia, and the idea that it's somehow ideal to have erections last way longer than they tend to realistically for most men, most of the time. Sure, sometimes, a man might last 15 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour, but 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex. Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow your partner will have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women, so please don’t attempt to reach some kind of “orgasmic goal” because you think it will ultimately please her.
That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:
First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.
Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality.
It's unlikely you have any injury from holding urine; however, if you'd like an expert opinion about that, you might want to ask your question in the Urology Expert Forum at:
www.medhelp.org/forums/show/113
It will also be helpful to you to learn more about male sexuality. I recommend "The New Male Sexuality" by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
First, let me put your mind at ease. There's no such thing as a "normal guy." Everyone is different.
If you read some of the other posts, you’ll discover that this is a very common concern—particularly among younger men. I encourage you to look at some of the other posts so you can see that you’re not alone—and also see how easy it is to learn to last longer if you so desire.
During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) So if you learned to come quickly when being sexual with yourself, that can also set up a lifelong pattern. Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt and anxiety about sex may also create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings. And, of course, if you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.
Once you learn to control your orgasm, realize that each man has an individual orgasmic pattern unique to him. A lot of this anxiety about “premature” ejaculation is based on paranoia, and the idea that it's somehow ideal to have erections last way longer than they tend to realistically for most men, most of the time. Sure, sometimes, a man might last 15 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour, but 75% of all males have an orgasm within 2 minutes of beginning penis-vagina (p-v) sex. Are you thinking that if you last longer, somehow your partner will have an orgasm during p-v sex? The fact is that most women DON’T orgasm during p-v sex. It’s a much more effective way for men to orgasm than women, so please don’t attempt to reach some kind of “orgasmic goal” because you think it will ultimately please her.
That said, here are some techniques for lasting longer:
First, slow down during self-pleasuring and unlearn that old pattern of quick orgasm. Try teasing yourself by stimulating yourself just to the point where you feel you’re about to orgasm, then backing off and relaxing, and then beginning again. This will give you a sense of control as well as teach you to recognize your own point of no return (when you know you're about to have an orgasm, no matter what). Another thing to try is when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, relax, breathe deeply, and cease movement. Some men also find they last longer if they have an orgasm on their own awhile before beginning partner sex. This tends to take the edge off, if you will.
Once you feel in control of your orgasm, you can also examine whether you have any feelings of discomfort with being sexual—either with yourself or with a partner. These feelings of discomfort can create extreme conflict and cause you to feel the need to get it over with quickly. If you look at sex as something to finish quickly—get it up, get it in, get it off—you’ll need to let go of that old mentality.
It's unlikely you have any injury from holding urine; however, if you'd like an expert opinion about that, you might want to ask your question in the Urology Expert Forum at:
www.medhelp.org/forums/show/113
It will also be helpful to you to learn more about male sexuality. I recommend "The New Male Sexuality" by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Oh, one more thing - when I was younger I had a very shy bladder, which resulted in me holding me **** in school for about 9-10 hours every day, for 8-9 years. Is it possible that in the process of doing this I injured some organ/part that is related to my semen secretion functions? Or is my problem more likely psychological?
You are reading content posted in the Erectile Dysfunction Forum
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