Sexual Performance Anxiety

I seem to be having a bit of an issue. I've been with my girlfriend for 7 weeks now and while we've had penetrative sex on several occasions (though never "finished"), I've reached a point where I'm somewhere between worried ******** and furious. We're both students, 19 and 20 years of age (the former being me) and I often do tasks that make many people "nervous" with relative ease, such as speaking in front of a large audience. I'm not a nervous person, and I'm not nervous around her, which makes this phenomenon entirely absurd to me. While I've not been sexually active before, I feel very confident around her and during foreplay I'm able to maintain a strong erection as any, but once it comes to the actual act of sex, my blood seems to have other business to attend. I've seen a doctor and she said that she wasn't really worried, but that she'd check around with counselors to see who deals with psychosexual issues like these and how long the waiting list is. She said that it would probably be several weeks, but that in the mean while she'd like to take me in for bloodtests, but added that she wasn't really excpeting to find anything.

Now, I don't have "several weeks". This has not been a huge issue for me for a month and a half, but now I'm reaching my breakingpoint and while my girlfriend is being very patient and understanding, I still feel I'm falling into the evil cycle that often comes with Sexual Performance Anxiety. There's nothing physically wrong with me, I can maintain erections, even (or especially) in the presence of her, and masturbate/ejaculate normally, but for some screwed up reason, I just can't follow through. I've read through pages upon pages about this stuff, but the standard stuff just doesn't seem to apply... Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks

[metropolis]

Hi Shiskabob! I'm not a doctor but I suffered from the same problem (coital anxiety) for many years and I have some suggestions that could be helpful.

First and foremost, follow your doctor's advice. I know you're a bit impatient but your doctor is absolutely right and you should do as she tells you: your case seems to be purely psychological but there may be some underlying organic cause that you're not aware of, so you need to do a series of tests. Better safe than sorry. Don't worry, this is a perfectly normal procedure.

Secondly, I suggest you do some research on the subject of ED and sexual performance anxiety. Read books (I recommend 'Erectile Dysfunction: Current Investigation and Management' by Ian Eardley and Krishna Sethia, you can order it at bn.com), talk to experts, search the Internet. The more you know about these problems, the less stressful they will be.

I've already mentioned the 'fight or flight response' here. When you get too anxious, the release of stress hormones constricts peripheral circulation so that blood can get to your vital organs (heart, lungs) more rapidly. The penis is not a vital organ. In fact, the last thing you need when you're facing a dangerous/stressful situation (e.g. involved in a fight or escaping a lion) is an erection!

Depression and mood fluctuations can also cause ED. Erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working properly, your sexual performance will suffer. To make matters even more complicated, most antidepressants (e.g. SSRIs) can actually cause or worsen ED. There are exceptions, though: Stablon (tianeptine) and Wellbutrin are considered safe and have no sexual side effects.

So, how do you control anxiety and improve your mood? Everyone is different, but I suggest you take these simple steps:

a) A penis ring could be helpful. It's uncomfortable and your partner will see it, but it's very effective: your erections will become harder and last longer. The penis ring constricts the blood vessels near the surface of the penis that drain blood out of the shaft, but it doesn't constrict the arteries that bring blood into the penis to form an erection. You should put the ring before the erection but don't wear it for more than 30 minutes.

b) Try to find a position that favours penetration. I prefer it when the woman comes on top of me, so that she can control things and I don't have to focus on penetration.

c) Putting a condom is always an awkward moment and many men lose their erection because of that. So, if you're using a condom, tell your girlfriend to put it on you. Problem solved.

d) Good communication and a supportive partner are essential, of course.

e) Have you tried Seredyn already? Seredyn is not an ED treatment, it is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that has no sexual side effects. I take Seredyn on demand (30 minutes before sex) and I'm very happy with the results.

f) Oral meds are very effective but you should only take them under the supervision of your doctor. Viagra is not the only solution, there's also Cialis, Levitra and a new ED drug called VIGAMED (oral phentolamine). VIGAMED is not available in the US but it is a licensed ED treatment in South America and you can order it online: vasomaxclinic.com

(You don't HAVE to take all these drugs, of course; consult your doctor first and see which one is the best option for you)

g) Finally, try not to worry too much. This problem is extremely common and easily treatable, I'm sure you will overcome this. If I could do it, so can you!

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress!

[aquvir]

thanks for the detailed advice , i am student facing the same very problem,
the med u mentioned - Seredyn, is not mandatory to pop otherwise in your routine life , right?

once again , great help , thanks