The shame of ED

[josh203]

This is the first time i've discussed this subject to anyone. I am 22 years old, and i avoid pursuing girls because of the fear of not being able to get an erection. I was relatively sexually active in highschool until one experience when i was unable to get an erection sufficient for intercourse. When it happenned again, i backed off from pursuing girls for fear of the incredible humiliation i get coming back to me. I am now in college, and have not pursued getting involved with girls for this exact reason. I am able to get an erection when i am by myself since there is no pressure to. I wake up in the mornings with semi-erections, so i am pretty sure it is not physical. I read up a lot about psychological impotence before i even came close to sharing this publically (even though it is anonymously), and i have heard advice such as "calm down and don't worry about it, and the problem will go away". While this may be true, it seems utterly impossible for me to calm down about it because of the almost debilitating embarrasment that comes from not being able to get it up for a girl.
I have been putting it on the back burner for some time, but now there is a girl who likes me and who i really like, who i've been hanging out with a lot. I know she's expecting me to have sex with her soon, but i keep putting it off. I know communication would help, but it is hard enough for me to talk about it here, and i can't even imagine bringing it up to her or anyone else i know.

One final thing i'l say is, the main difference between me and others i have read about who have had this performance anxiety is that they will still try and fail. I am so scared of dissappointing a girl in that way that i cannot even try. During foreplay now if i feel that i am not going to be able to get an erection, i will back off and come up with an excuse. I have tried supplements such as DHEA, since i can order stuff like that anonymously online but to no avail.
I am hoping that talking about it can help, but everytime i get close to a situation where i am expected to get an erection, il get a knot in my stomach and sometimes feel nauseous. I really do not know what to do. Thanks for any insight i can get

[Solg832]

Hi Josh,

From reading your post it doesn't sound like there is problem with your penis if your able to get an erection and have before during intercourse. It sounds to me there are psychological barriers getting in the way and you're getting anxious or worried and then loose it. I recently read an article saying there are more younger met with ED because they are being desensitized with porn but when they stopped watching porn their ED problems go away.
I would highly recommend seeing a therapist to find the root of the problem. Its a good think that you are talking about this and I  can understand why it would be difficult or shameful to talk about.  But it sounds like there is definitely a fear or worry of some kind with penetrating for sex.  Hope this was helpful.
Marisol

[metropolis]

«While this may be true, it seems utterly impossible for me to calm down about it because of the almost debilitating embarrasment that comes from not being able to get it up for a girl.»

I know how you feel because I also suffer from sexual performance anxiety and I know how devastating it can be. It is, however, a very common problem and it is possible to beat it.

Viagra and Cialis are very effective but they're not anxiety drugs. There is another ED drug called VIGAMED (oral phentolamine mesylate) that blocks the effects of stress hormones and promotes blood flow to the penis. VIGAMED is not available in Europe but you can order it on the internet.

I believe the ideal solution in theses cases is a centrally acting drug. ZORAXEL is a new treatment that acts directly on the brain but it will only be available in 2013. Yohimbe is a centrally acting drug but results are not spectacular and side effects could be unpleasant.

[josh203]

Thanks for the comments guys.

Benny, i have read your thread, and we do have similar problems with slight differences. I guess mine is a little less physical than yours, but you are farther along than me in the sense that you have communicated your problem with others in your life.

Sometimes during foreplay i am erect, and sometimes i am not. But either way, when it gets to the point where the next step is to start having sex, i will lose it out of nervousness. The funny thing is, if its a situation where sex is not an option, such as a party or a crowded bar, i can get an erection just from hugging this girl (the one i mentioned in my original post).

I commend your courage for being able to share that with the people close to you, as i don't feel ready for that yet, mainly due to the fact that telling people i have impotence issues would be extremely embarrassing for me. For you the problem seems a little more physical, and i'm sure you've already researched it, but i would recommend eating healthy, excercising, maybe incorporating some safe herbal supplements into your diet (I'm currently taking 1 ginseng pill a day, and an occasional small dose of DHEA, since that can be a little more risky). Like i said though, I'm sure you've already researched this, but just know its always important to keep dedicated to keeping your penis healthy.

For me its getting to the point where i almost don't care about my own sexual pleasure what-so-ever. I would be such a happy man if i could pleasure her, and also give her the knowledge that shes pleasuring me, so she'll be happy knowing shes doing her job as a woman. I would be happy enough just waking up next to her in the morning with her head resting against me and her arm wrapped around me.

So far I have been able to pass it off as me wanting to wait till i get to know her a little better before we have sex, which she respects but might frustrate her a little because i know shes attracted to me.

I feel and hope that communicating with other people who are having the same problems may start to help my problem.

[edincerimovic]

U know friend i had big trauma with this in my case couse i came too soon and then i get fear of all intimite situations..it was all becouse of lack of knowledge...listen..i helped my self with the girls that werent so prety...i didnt care what if or what if not she had to do the job...and then i started reeding book tao of love and there u can understand all how all works and how u can control all...dont worry...just find some sexsy not so pretty..and take your time not huurrying try to realax and sometimes i talked to my friend and said now u will get up hapilly and smile at him..

[Benny1663]

Hey Josh

Im having the exact same problem your having , im now 17 and have been having trouble since i was 16 and i completely understand. I found it hard to tell me girlfriend about my problem , but it eventually came out , then obviously i told my mum because she started asking why i was going to the doctors and it got kinda hard to hide. I'm in the middle of see'ing doctors and what not , and im currently with urologist's trying to sort it out , but its been 3 months since i first visited the doctor , and i'm not one single bit closer to sorting out my problem.
Like you said , i can also get a semi-erection in the mornings , but not every morning which is odd. It can be twice a week , sometimes 3 , its very strange. I've had my hormone levels checked , and other blood tests related to what could cause ED but EVERYTHING is fine.
I posted a thread on another site and theres many people saying its so abnormal to have such problem at 16/17 and the suggestion it could be high cholestrol keeps popping up , so im due with my doctor next week and im gonna ask him if its possible , its unlikely at 17 to have high cholestrol , but hey its not impossible.
You might of read my thread that i posted on here , but incase you didnt , these are the problems i have -
I cant get an erection when i masturbate , i can get around Semi erect
I cant get an erection with my girlfriend for sexual intercourse
I dont wake up with a full erection
Watching pornographic movies dosn't do anything
Viagra had little effect...Gave me an erection but it lasted around 10 minutes then wouldnt come back , why ?
My hormone levels have been checked and are fine
I pre-comea lot when "playing around" with girlfriend , this then instantly seems to take away the LITTLE bit of an erection i get
I dont drink alcohol
I dont take drugs/medication
I am not overweight

Are any of them the same issue's with you?

Reply back on here :)

Thanks

Ben