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What can I do to help with the stress of having ED?
Last year my wife and I had a VERY rough patch and the sex suffered. She pulled away due to depression, etc and I fought to keep us in it together. She got in a better place but then all that stress must have come to a head and my ED surfaced. I started talking to a therapist about it and it did get better but it seems to be getting worse again. What can my wife and I do to help out our issues? I feel very guilty and ashamed when it happens for obvious reasons but then it gets worse when my wife feels that it is her fault alone. Please help.
If you haven’t already, have a long conversation about how you feel about it. All the fear and anxiety you have felt since you thought you might lose her to feel inadequate for her now. Don’t just tell her it’s not her fault, tell her how beautiful she is and why you love her and how you will always fight for her. After all that try fooling around but agreeing to no actual sex for like 2 weeks. Sex off the table but this will give you guys a chance to enjoy one another’s sexually with out any restraint or fear
6 Comments
I have always told her these types of things. That has never changed. We have been working on not putting the stress on actual intercourse and it has been working rather well but last night was terrible. Long story short we started being intimate and I lost my erection while using my hand on her. She got very upset which caused me to get very upset and that was the end of our night. Then she basically said that it was because I was performing on her and that was why I got soft. I really do not know what to do
Guy 31, I agree, I think that's good advice. Ya know, women have no trouble asking their man to help them out with getting turned on & achieving orgasm, yet somehow we guys (& many women) think that erections should 'just happen'. Well, they usually do when younger, but as we get older we're more stressed with jobs, health concerns, bills, etc. & sometimes spontaneous erections just don't happen. And it's bound to happen to most of us sooner or later, then we put even more pressure on ourselves to perform & that just makes the situation worse. I think women need to understand that sex is a 2-way street - some do, and are not shy about giving their husband or BF a helping hand when needed. Not sure what you can say to your wife about this, but I think just both of you being more relaxed about it will help - anger & frustration are the ENEMY of erections! I would try what Guy 31 suggests - take a break from intercourse - there are SO many ways to please each other, and anyway, most women don't get off from intercourse alone, they need manual or oral stimulation, or even try bringing a vibrator into the picture - could be fun! She should be reasonably happy with that approach. Take a break & when you start feeling better about things, then you can resume.
From what I understand, women assume it easy for guys to get hard like bonzo said so they immediately take it personally that they failed or are inadequate and this can hurt them as much as us if they take it that way. Sometimes telling them, like you have tried, isn’t enough, so I hoped that having a deep talk about how you feel might get both of your insecurities on the table so you guys can build back up the sexual relationship. Something you could try tho is showing that getting soft doesn’t phase you. Eat her out like it’s your last meal and your starving, caress her like it’s the last thing you will ever feel, the more you get yourself into it, the more she will. Try to get her to not even notice if your hard or not by how much she enjoys it. When I went soft and recovered a bit, I did this and my erection started to come back. Her surprise made me feel confident again and I was ready to go
I think the main issue is def between her and I and our minds. We started off great. Slow, sensual then moved onto fingering her, while I was hard, the after a little bit I went soft and because that happened, she couldn't get into any longer and stopped the whole thing. Both of us felt awful.
Even though I am overweight, I think that I am so concerned with hurting her if/when I limp that it makes it worse.
I started watching some porn to see if it would help but same thing....if I am by myself it sometimes takes a little to get hard but if I stop, I goes soft fast
I started watching some porn to see if it would help but same thing....if I am by myself it sometimes takes a little to get hard but if I stop, I goes soft fast
I think you and your wife are on the right track. Even if you do everything right, it takes time to heal, that includes emotional wounds. The best thing you can do for her now is just show you care, both in the bed room when you go down or outside the bed room. Have faith in each other and that will heal the relationship. You have already shown her how much you love her. If you haven’t already you can try taking cialis. If you haven’t and decide to now, your wife may feel hurt so keep that in mind and tell her that you still need to get turned on for the meds to work so no matter how the erection gets up it’s still all for her.
I can help you. How old are u and what meds do you take?
6 Comments
the only meds I take is a daily reflux Omeprazole and a migraine pill as needed
How old are you
almost 42. I am overweight but I have always been and there has not been an issue. Not since we had our rough patch last year.
You are just about old enough for it to set in. Being overweight does not help. You are experiencing decteased blood flow to the offending member. Do not take migraine meds on sex day. Natural remidy that really. Works is as follows: order on line puritan. Pride l argenine 1000 mg free form capsules. Order online vitamin. World pycnogenol 60 mg capsules. Take 3 arginine caps in morning with tall glass water empty stomach. Take one pycnogenol half way through lunch all this every day. Take walmart mens vitamin every
Every day and drink orange juice few times a week. Natural. Remidy has me going like a stallion. At 57-year-old
Ps. Keeps migraine awayvtoo as it opens arteries
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