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1247529 tn?1313499931
Why my husband looses his erection during sex?
My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. He just turned 47 and I am 46. We have I guess to say not had the best sex life.  In the beggining it was very nice. Then the kids started coming. We have 3 beautiful girls 26, 23 & 19. And we hardley ever had sex after they were born.  We were apart for 2 years ending 7 months ago. You see my husband was transfered and we decided I would stayed back home to let our youngest graduate high school there. So we only saw each ohter on the weekends. When I would come here it was wonderful. We were all alone. The sex was great. Then I moved here and the sex was off and on. More off than on again. So I decided that I wanted us back.  I Love my husband so much. And I know he loves me. The problem is he used to want sex all the time. He would raise to attention when I entered the bedroom. Well not any more. He does not seem interested even though we are alone. Now I have gained a few pounds.  I am not saying I am obese but I do need to loose about 15 pounds.  We both started going to a gym.  He needs to loose a few also. I also caught him watching porn one evening. He said someone sent it to him and he don't just watch it. So now I have the feeling he is just not sexually arroused by my body anymore becasue I don't look like the girls in the porn. He says he is but when I get into bed naked and lay on top of him kissing his neck and nothing happens he just says he is tired, then I can't beleive he is. I am not real sure about myself most of the time. I don't usually take charge like that. We talked about that and he says he likes it but most of the times I did he was not interested. So what am I to think. It does nothing for my self confidence at all. So I told him if he wants sex then he needs to let me know. I find myself just thinking of him and getting excited. So what is the problem. I think he only has sex with me most of the time becasue he senses I want to. Why can't he stay hard while we are having sex? I could see if we stopped but that is not the case, we can be in the middle of it. And just to add I am not one to just lay there. I help.  If I am giving him oral sex he is fine. And usually while he is giving me oral sex he is hard. But the last few times he is not. I mean if I start on him he does get hard.  Then we start having sex and after a bit he just goes soft. He does not ejaculate then go soft just goes soft. And then there are a few times that he can't ejaculate. So what am I to think? I am a horrible wife.  I can't even keep my husband interested during sex.  Please help.  Worriedwife
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I am in a similar situation.  We have been married for nearly 20 years.  At the five year mark, things started going downhill.  At about 10 years, sex became a 6-10 times a year event.  Now, we are lucky if we have it 2-3 times a year - and usually that is just an attempt.  He loses his erection before sex can begin.  He says his sex drive is incredibly low.  He has seen a doctor for this issue a few times.  Nothing is wrong, and they usually give him pills (Viagra, etc).  The problem, he will take a pill and not be interested in sex - so it was just a waste.

He tells me all the time that it is not me.  He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful.  I don't feel that way anymore.  Now, it feels like words said to spare my feelings.  I have lost a significant amount of weight and really trimmed myself through running.  If nothing else, he should be attracted to the new me...I feel like it does nothing.  I know they say this is hard on the man - but what about me?  What about my feelings?  What about my needs?

What is a girl to do?  I am hungry for intimacy!  I am hungry for his touch.  I miss sharing this aspect of our marriage.  I now feel like I am living with a roommate...

Any advise :(
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1247529 tn?1313499931
Sorry to hear your situation.  Mine is still the same.  Well it is getting worse.  We were like that in the beginning too. Then it got better and not is getting worse and worse.  I just miss his touch.  My desire has got up and left so that is all good.  He don't want and now I don't want either.  But I do miss "us".  And I don't know if we will ever get it back.  
Sorry I don't have any advise.  I am miserable.  I Pray you find the results and answers you are looking for.  Me, I am done trying.  I give up.  
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Hoohaa is spot on.  I am a female who's marriage also got destroyed from my ex-husbands porn addiction.  It ended a 21 year relationship.  I am so sorry that you are also experiencing the pain that comes from feeling not desired, not sexy enough, etc.  I hope you are able to find a way to approach the subject with him and hopefully work it out before it harms your relationship any further.  All the best wishes....
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Hoohaa is spot on.  I am a female who's marriage also got destroyed from my ex-husbands porn addiction.  It ended a 21 year relationship.  I am so sorry that you are also experiencing the pain that comes from feeling not desired, not sexy enough, etc.  I hope you are able to find a way to approach the subject with him and hopefully work it out before it harms your relationship any further.  All the best wishes....
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HealthyJackLikesSex,

You're full of crap with it being the man is NOT attracted anymore to the woman. That is in very few cases. Bye the way, who told you that you were healthy? AND who would broadcast that and that they like sex. Your user name says it all! You are vain and ARE putting women down! You're the one that just needs to face it.
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HealthyJackLikesSex,

You're full of crap with it being the man is NOT attracted anymore to the woman. That is in very few cases. Bye the way, who told you that you were healthy? AND who would broadcast that and that they like sex. Your user name says it all! You are vain and ARE putting women down! You're the one that just needs to face it. Blessings.
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I was having trouble obtaining and maintaining a strong enough erection to make it through at least 10 minutes of sex with my bride. I had lost a lot of desire and my energy was way down also. I had tried many natural products with no success and lots of side effects including upset. Nothing seemed to work and i was tired of experimenting with other products. I decided to try  prolargentsize I am sure glad that i did. This product has just the right herbs in just the right combination for my body that has my energy up throughout the day and makes me harder
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this mighy hurt but im going to be honest.when.a.guy acts the.way ur husband is acting is because hes.not intrested.in u and hes cheating or talking.to someone younger.... try to buy toys dress up.sexy show.him what ur about good luck
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girl he is addicted to porn and mayb not even that he could.be cheating with a younger women... u want.ur husband back try new things buy sex toys.get.sexy stay in shape
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that is wrong thing
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I know this post is 3 yrs old, but I want to respond anyway, so that anyone reading this in the future will have the answer they deserve. Your husband has PORN ED. Some men get this after viewing very little porn. For others, it takes longer. Pornography changes the brain. It alters the pleasure chemicals in the brain, and actually causes brain damage. Three yrs ago, when this post was written, very little was known about Porn ED. It is all over the internet now. Luckily, the brain can eventually heal from this, but it takes time. The cure, NO PORN, NO MASTURBATION. When you catch your husband watching porn, and he says, "Oh, this is the only time I ever did this"  ********! Pornography, erases a man's desires for sex with real women. And, they become physically incapable of having intercourse with their wife, because they can't get it up with a real woman. So, PORN ED is the answer. Take it from here with tons of research on the subject......
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I know this post is 3 yrs old, but I want to respond anyway, so that anyone reading this in the future will have the answer they deserve. Your husband has PORN ED. Some men get this after viewing very little porn. For others, it takes longer. Pornography changes the brain. It alters the pleasure chemicals in the brain, and actually causes brain damage. Three yrs ago, when this post was written, very little was known about Porn ED. It is all over the internet now. Luckily, the brain can eventually heal from this, but it takes time. The cure, NO PORN, NO MASTURBATION. When you catch your husband watching porn, and he says, "Oh, this is the only time I ever did this"  ********! Pornography, erases a man's desires for sex with real women. And, they become physically incapable of having intercourse with their wife, because they can't get it up with a real woman. So, PORN ED is the answer. Take it from here with tons of research on the subject......
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I have to agree with you.  I suspect my husband has been getting his somewhere else and  feels he has to perform with me and then struggles.  He would never admit this to me in a million years.  When I mentioned he might go to the doctors given I know he likes sex, he said he didn't have a problem yet he blatantly does when with me.  I feel very sad hurt and angry about it all personally and if he no longer finds me sexually attractive would rather he just admitted it and moved on.  Hard after 33 years of marriage but at least I would know where I stood.  Seems to me also, another blunt truth is they want the comfort of the long relationship but to eat their cake too.  Is this what you are saying?
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Ok...so my husband and I have been married 10 yrs together 20+, we have 2 beautiful kids the oldest 6.....he cant hold an erection during sex anymore even while I'm down on him he can go soft....this sound normal to you?  He has always claimed I give the best **.....I'm worried as to how if that is true I cant keep him hard!  Is it me or is it something with him?  I want him to see a dr and get checked out, but he wont.....do I have to live with this?  I love him and know hes faithful and loves me, but wtf?  I wanna *** too!
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Well we stopped having sex 6 years back..he said he had no desire just didn't want sexy.. He did have the beginnings of ED.. But he refused to go to the doctor..
meanwhile I find out my hubby was having an emotional affair with a 23 yr old and last year an affair with a 25 yr old.. Ladies I am afraid the guys who says they aren't in to us is just being honest.. Right after the affair he was so in to me like when we met 20 years ago.. Been married 18 years and he destroys my world now i am not into him.. So sex is ok... And now he's starting with ED problems again.. But he's committed to the marriage.. I am not sure ladies its worth it.. He might want to get with another **** half my age again ehh.. So since he is committed he tries but I still get no satisfaction thinking he dumped me for some *****..
So look carefully my friends because he could easily be with some ***** ***** who has no morals about him being married..
Good luck..
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1247529 tn?1313499931
I don't know what to tell all you wonderful ladies.  My husband has made a 360.  Sex had been good for a while.  Then it went off again.  No sex for 2 or 3 weeks then sex for a few days then no sex for 2 months then a few times again.  Now it is going well when we do have sex.  He is not going soft during anymore.  Don't know what he is doing different.  Don't know if he was with someone else and that is why he could not with me.  Don't know if it was looking at nasty pics.  I just don't know.  He still looks.  Not as much.  And not right before sex with me like it used to be.  I just don't know.  But from reading some of your posts it seems like he was having issues because he was into someone else.  He says no.  That I am the only one and have always been.  But don't know if I believe that.  Thanks to all for the stories.  I am sorry I can't help.  I wish I could.  But I am still trying to understand it myself.  
God Bless
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Oh wow yall make me feel better I'm 28 and my husband is 25 we been together for 3 yrs we have never had an arguement. Well except for me fussing about sex. First in out relationship we was long distance and saw each other on weekends. And we had sex 1 time a week. And it didn't bother me but when we moved in together it stayed the same then as time went on it went from 1 time a week to every other week and most of the time it seems he only does it to shut me up I got to a point where I was afraid to even try for the fear of getting shut down I hate being told no it hurts my feelings. Any way here in the past month everything has changed he was in a wreck and dr has him on muscle relaxers and he is wanting sex every night and all he want to do is watch porn the whole time I'm on top of him which is the only position we been doing cause he's afraid he will hurt himself. Anyways he watches the porn on his phone and the phone is always between us and it urks me so tonight I took the phone away from him and the expression on his face to me was like total boredom and he went soft and he says its cause the porn helps him stay hard cause he's on the muscle relaxers. I don't get it. He's always been honest with me but maybe someone can explain this to me cause I'm so confused I feel fat and ugly because went from sexy porn stars to this.  
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Have your testosterone checked.  If your level is down, easy gel medication works well.  You have to have your blood work checked often to see if things are where they should be.  
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139792 tn?1498589250
Muscle relaxant acting as aphrodisiac, is rare.I think the doctor who has prescribed the muscle relaxant can give you better insight int this problem.Porno is also an addiction. If he does not stop porno, he may lose reduce his libido as well.I think advice from Sex therapist and the doctor who  prescribed muscle relaxant medicine.
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Hi all . . . . don't know if any one can help here or not , but any suggestions or comments are more than welcome .

I'm 45 and My wife is 39, we have been together for about 17yrs ( married for the last seven ) we have a 5yr old daughter who is amazing  . . . Since getting married , sex has become a lesser part of our relationship , and following the birth of our daughter we very rarely seem to have sex ( maybe once a month , or maybe even two months  . . .

However my issue is that I found my wifes vibrator , and since then I have no inclination to have sex at all  . . . (.my wife doesn't know that I found it  ).  . Don't get me wrong  , I'm not prude  , and do watch the odd bit of porn   , but since the discovery of the vibrator I have absolutely no interest in sex , or even masturbation  and cant even get aroused ..

Is this in any way normal ? Or is it just  envy / jealousy knowing that my wife is finding pleasure elsewhere . ??? I do love her dearly , but like most men , I have trouble in talking about sexual matters  , and as yet have not confronted her about my findings  .

I've also found that she's been  shopping online for adult toys for me for Xmas  . . . . .. but I can honestly say I'm extremely apprehensive and recently have been suffering from Anxiety, I've not been able to sleep and lost at least 15lbs with the worry ,

Sorry for going on and on  .. . . but its really eating me up   ...
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139792 tn?1498589250
Casting spell to restore your relationship is not possible. If at all it is done, it will be a fake.This appear to be a false propaganda.Ensure the reliability of the person to whom your are recommended.
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139792 tn?1498589250
When she is remains unsatisfied, she will resort to artificial stimulation to satisfy herself. Many a time we do not care for our partner's orgasm or we are so excited that we ejaculate prematurely. In this case they will masturbate to reach orgasm.
In your case, when you have sexual activity, Masturbate her to orgasm. You may be open with her and participate in mutual masturbation. And eventually she may fed ii[ with masturbation and have normal relationship.
For giving her more satisfaction, learn some exercises to enhance your sexual power and learn new sexual postures.When she gives you presents of sexual toys means she would cooperate with you. Use your own creativity to lure her back to you. YOu may also take advice or a consultant. There are many threads of messages and websites which advice us on sexual performance.Learn kegel exercise.Teach her the same exercise. Then while doing intercourse kegel each other. Google kegel and visit few sites. Wish you best of luck.
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139792 tn?1498589250
Kegeling each other will give both of you a different type of sensation. this wil be a full body orgasm.when a man kegels the movement of his genita will be verticle and when female kegels, her vaginal muscles grips male organ strongly.If you have this type of orgasm, you will forget all toys. Sexual activity is a strong link between life partners.experimentation with new techniques. Learn them and practice them and use them in your sexual activity.TAoist yoga and kundaine youga will teach and give in-depth info on the subject.
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you said it yourself:  A woman is supposed to please her man just like he is supposed to please her.  No difference there.  And a woman is supposed to make her man feel aroused.  That is what I am having a problem with. Is it me not making him feel aroused?
Nothing is more enjoyable than sex. In fact having sex is fundamental to a better life and health.
What I am about to saying includes all women with the same problem. If you are supposed to make your man feel aroused, and you are having a problem with it, what do you expect from your man? Aside from men and women who go to clubs almost every night and have a different way of life ( I say it because at one point I was one of them, and every night I had more than 1-2-3 girls who wanted to have sex with me, if I can call it sex!), most of the men who love their wives or girlfriends, they are not lying. They mean it. But do you honestly know what you are supposed to do to keep him around and satisfied? Not all men become satisfied the same way. We are as much human and have our own ways of getting aroused. Men in love don't watch porn unless they watch them with their partners, and is okay to both of them, and they don't go with others. This is the magic of love. You need to go through trial and errors and see which one works. At home without asking him try whatever comes to your imagination without being volunteer to letting him know what your are doing is for him. for example try at all time wearing sexy and half nude stuff, and do it for your own pleasure, and see what his reaction is. If it doesn't work try something else. If he goes to work, when he comes home, try to be at your best shape, hug him, and kiss him gently. If he needs to be alone for the first half hour, give him the privilege. By your actions you are letting him know that no matter what, you are with him and back him up at all time. He needs to make sure as much as he loves you, he have the same feeling towards him. If you think he needs to see a doctor for distress, depression, anxiety, etc., or he needs to use pills, ask your or his closest friend to indirectly talk to him and encourage him to go through it. Don't say it to him yourself. This way not only you are not helping him but let him make a wider distance between you and himself. Only engage in these kinds of conversation if he asks for it, and stick to what he is asking. Don't tell him all the things you have kept to yourself and suffered for them. In other words, don't complain. Gradually he comes around.  Remember he needs you more than anything else, and the key to overcome his problem is you, but learn how best is effective, and remember you don't need to have sex just in bed. If you use your wild imagination, there are hundreds if not thousands of ways that you can search on internet. If you have kids, always put him ahead of your kids, and make sure he gets your attention.
Let me give you another example; when I am havig sex with my girlfriend, we have oral sex. I talk to here (rather whisper) and touch her gently and tell her what she wants to hear and I truly want to say. I immediately get erection. I can have intercourse with her first and then arouse her to the point to of having orgasm, I love her so much that I prefer to do anything possible, no matter how long it takes, to take her to her peak of her enjoyment and make sure she has her orgasm. I confess sometimes after that, and before having intercourse, I lose my erection. But I am not upset, and explain to her that a man's erection (and this differs from man to man) has a certain time, and I would love to see she enjoys the sex, and I think of myself as secondary because I love her.
I hope this helps.
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1247529 tn?1313499931
Thanks.  I don't complain.  I just don't say anything.  He WILL NOT see a doctor.  Not for depression for sure because he says he don't understand why people need pills for that. Just find out what makes you unhappy and fix it.  And as far as seeing a doctor for going soft, That will not happen.  He don't see that he has a problem.  So now it is HIS problem.  I guess he don't love me like you love your girlfriend.  But it don't matter.  We have not had sex in over 3 months.  And I am good with that.  I am to the point that I don't like him very much anymore.  I love him and I always will.  I just don't like him very much anymore.  
And one other point.  It should not be just women who have to figure what a man wants.  A man should see what a woman want also.  And it is impossible to figure what a man wants because he wants everything he can't have.  Even when  he has the best right in front of him.  
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I have been married for 33 years.  We have 3 children and haven't had "normal sex" for years without meds.  We have given up because the meds are way too expensive.  It is discouraging and I have felt like a less than adequate wife for years.  I am only about 110 lbs. and have dieted thinking I'm not what he wants.  This is so confusing and embarraing and is the unspoken pain in marriages.  I don't know how to help but I want you to know you are not alone.  Joashland
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1247529 tn?1313499931
Thanks.   I completely know that feeling of being less than adequate.  I have felt that way for a long time also.  Now I am just tired.  Tired of everything.  Don't care anymore.  Done.  Yes it is confusing.  I know I am not 20 something anymore.  I know I am not 102 pounds like I was when we got married.  I know and have tried to loose a few pounds.  But I can't do anything about the age and what time has done.  BUT he is not 20 something anymore either.  He is not 145 pounds either more like 215 now.  And up until a few months ago that did not bother me at all.  Now because of his out right looking at young, sexy girls and saying he can't stop I don't even want sex with him.  So I guess all is good.  He don't want sex with me and I don't with him.  So we just exist.  
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I am 29 and my husband is 37 he takes bloodpressure pills and an anti anxiety pill in the morning. He can only get an erection in the morning but just know your not alone. This is my second marriage the first marriage he was a very sick S.O.B he was addicted to porn he would hide it around the house he was so desperate he stole my daughters portable DVD player to watch his flicks in the truck. After battling with HIS ADDICTION for 7 years my youngest daughter whom was 5 at the time brought me a magazine she found under her bed I was floored.  It was a very explicit magazine my daughter said momma this looks like it hurts. About 2 months later my now exhusband come clean that he had been having sex outside our marriage for several months. So we divorced. My current husband has E.D. and yes I get upset at times but we get through it I'm not a super model by no means but I am attractive.  I wish my husband would lose some weight he's 6'3 and 235Ibs. I think it would benefit him greatly in a lot of areas of his health. But he's awesome. Caring, affectionate, and a wonderful stepdad. I really hope you don't give up on your husband.  But to have fun with the situation girl get YOU a cordless jackrabbit. Don't tell him your getting it but don't hide it let him find it hek let him catch you using it guarantee you he won't like the fact he's not man enough for you anymore!
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Here is my story. I have been with my wife for 18 years now, 12 of them married. My wife is pretty attractive and I Iove her dearly. She is 38 now. About 7 years ago she had cancer and the medication she was taking put her in menopause, so she is dry almost all the time and we have to use lubricants that I hate. I have a high sex drive, unlike her. I keep begging for sex and she blows me off. Either tired, doesn't feel like it or whatever excuse she comes up with. We came to arrangement that we have sex 3 times a week. When I approach her she says, get it up and get inside me, finish and let me go to sleep. It feels like she's doing me a favor just to get me off her back. Her vagina isn't naturally wet and doesn't feel as nice. Sometime it hurts me during intercourse.  I see the look on her face when we have sex, its like the last thing she wants but does it just for me. She keeps saying make it quick, *** and let me go to sleep. The minute I ***, she pushes me off her,  jumps out of bed, goes to the bathroom , comes back to the room and says don't touch me now, you got what you wanted, let me go to sleep. She hates that I touch her breasts, butt and vagina. She says it doesn't make her aroused.   On the other hand, touching her in those places makes me very horny. So I have to manipulate between don't touch here, don't touch there, trying to get aroused enough to be able to ***.   Its just passionless sex. Purely mechanical. Recently she is complaining that I am erection is not as hard as I used to be, Sometime I am very hard, but  shortly after I penetrate her, I get soft and she gets pissed and starts to ***** and insult me. She says come back  tomorrow and leave me alone now, go to the doctor to get checked. She also says she not attracted to me anymore and doesn't get aroused by me since I am not hard as I used to be and that I need to lose weight( i could use losing weight, but I;m not obese or that fat) . She always goes to bed around 7:30, after the little kids are in bed. she sometime falls asleep at 8-8:30 and never waits for me (who goes to bed at 8 ?). She doesnt work, only takes care of the kids that go to school or day care. When i come to bed and touch her, she yells at me not to wake her up. I am at a point that when do manage to get her to sleep with me, I worry how to *** as soon as i can, so she doesnt start bitching. or insulting me. I am getting tired of it and thinking about separating. I need someone to show affection and desire, not do me a favor. I can do myself a favor watching porn or go to a hooker, and save the bitching and insulting. Your toughts would be appreciated.                                                                        
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8476383 tn?1405137991
Once a man has had one instance of losing his erection hardness, it can become something he becomes paranoid about. The more he thinks about it, the more frequently it occurs. If your husband is worried about his ability to perform sexually, he will avoid having sex with you.
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8476383 tn?1405137991
It is common to lose erection hardness while changing position or giving oral. When doing either of these, make sure you are switching your attention back to enjoying the feelings in your penis.
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Boy I have been searching the internet and your story matches my very close I caught my husband masterbating  after asking him for sex the night before. I was and still am beside myself but this does help A LITTLE. Just wondering if anything changed since your post? christine
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Listen honey, I know you DONT want to hear it, but what your husband has and what you need to face that he has is called porn induced erectile dysfunction. You say he has erectile dysfunction, but we know that is not true because he can masturbate himself to orgasm just fine. A man with age related ed cannot masturbate himself any better than he can have sex with this partner. However a man with PIED (porn induced ed) can masturbate just fine, but has erectile dysfunction when trying to be with their partner. I can see that you don't want to believe this, but I am telling you the truth here. This is factual stuff, backed up by scientific studies, and it is a worldwide epidemic right now. There are 16 year old boys out there with pied now. Everybody has to stop sticking their heads in the sand and look at this for what it really is. The good news, this CAN be fixed. In order for him to be cured, you are going to have to get on board, he's going to have to get real honest. It's going to hurt, it's going to get tough. If you love each other enough, you have a chance to make it. If you let the relationship continue like it is, divorce will be in your future. Men who look at porn are 100 times more likely to have sex with a real woman outside of their marriage. Porn eventually leads to acting out and full out sex addiction. They may act out by meeting up with prostitutes. You  may end up with a disease. The worst thing you can do is to keep denying what is going on here. If you don't believe me, install some spyware on his computer to see what he does.. Don't tell him, just install it and make sure it is one that records everything he does. You will have your answer really fast. It hurts, but you will need to confront him, and you will need to come up with a plan of action. There are tons of treatment options for this now. If he will go off porn and stay off porn for good, his erections will come back. Right now, his brain circuitry is all messed up. He is wired to have self sex, (masturbation) while getting hits of dopamine and other hormones and neurotransmitters. These are very powerful drugs to the brain, which is why porn addiction is now formally recognized as a drug addiction. Trust me, this goes way way deeper than you think. If you don't wise up, something worse will happen. This is the time to intervene. The time is now.  
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1247529 tn?1313499931
It may very well be PIED.  I have not idea.  I have not seen where he has looked since our 2 future son-in-laws were in a very bad ATV accident on Good Friday.  Something changed in him then.  But that is not to say we have had any kind of intimacy in a little over 8 months.  He does not excite me anymore.  He has tried kinda a few times.  But I know it is only because while I was with my kids in another state after the accident worried out of my mind that our youngest future son-in-law would not survive and our oldest would be paralyzed I lost 10 pounds.  I don't see where it went from.  But I told him and then he made a few moves for sex.  Also he told me SEX not make love or intimacy.  Just SEX.  Did not work for me.  I just brushed it off.  Not doing that again.  Not giving him sex just because he wants it.  So if he is having sex with someone else it does not matter to me.  As long as if he gets some disease that it is not transferred by other means than sex.  I don't care.  I never did not want to face it.  It was always on my mind even though I did not know the name for it. Always thought he had sex with someone else but can't prove it. He says no but that don't mean I believe it.  My heart can't take anymore.  Literally.  I had a scare after the accident and having to let one of my fur-babies go then another.  So it is sad to say, if I care then I hurt.  So I just don't care anymore.  My heart has turned to stone.  The only time it feels is when I am with my girls.  They are the ONLY reason I am still here.  Anyway I don't need sex or anything like that anymore.  That is gone.  Thanks to all who have tried to help.  And I hope all the advise helps someone else with this problem.   Please don't let my situation and results be yours, so everyone remember.  This is my path to travel.  You each have your own path.  You can choose your path so don't choose this one.  It is a hard, lonely, hurting  path.  God Bless you all.
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If your husband is in the habit of watching porn, then we already have the answer to your problem! He masturbates, it's just that simple. After he does THAT, how can he have some left for you? I'm sorry for you, and i think you should talk to him and tell him that THAT is very disrespectful toward you, looking at other women right in front of you. At least hide!
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I have a similar problem. I have only been married a couple of months and these last three weeks any thing i try with my husband he goes limp and can only get an erection when he masturbates which I am happy with him doing but just feel that our relationship is having big problems already. I have tried many different things and all that used to work and keep him erect like sucking and playing with him. We had this problem a year after we got together and then I found out he was cheating as he was seeing different women strangers from the internet which he finally admitted to but we got passed this and got married. I am so scared that it is happening again, I really believe that he isn't actually having sex with anyone but maybe sex texting or sex messaging and this is possible affecting our sex. I  have tried talking to him but we always end up arguing and he gets really defensive. Please help, some advice would be great
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1247529 tn?1313499931
Littlelea79.  I am sorry I have no answer for you.  And this post is a very old one.  You may want to read all the advice but also start your own post.  That way you will get more attention.  I don't know how much attention gets anymore.  
Good luck.
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I read your original post. My husband and I have been together for almost two years. He is 43 and I am 33. In the beginning we couldn't get enough of each other. He was always wanting me. He used to always text me and call me through out the day. That has all stopped. I am almost nine months pregnant with our son. I know he watches porn it's on his company phone and on our laptop at home, yet seems completely uninterested in me. I know I'm about 20 lbs. heavier than we when we first met but that's only because I'm carrying his child. I'm 5'7" tall and weigh about 110 lbs. normally. I work a full time job and contribute equally to the relationship when it comes to finances. I love him so much but he can't see that its hurting me. I've also noticed that he has wondering eyes when we together out in public as well. I am so confused. Please help....
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1247529 tn?1313499931
I am so sorry you are going through this sad situation that we find ourselves in.  I don't have any answers for you.  Maybe it is because he is afraid to hurt the baby.  Maybe after your child is born he will change.  
Please start a new thread of your own because this is a very old one and I don't think many people answer on here anymore.  If you start your own you will get more advice and help.  You are in my prayers.  
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My name is angel.im a 47 year old woman.ive now been married to the same man  for 28 years.hes fifty two.my kids are all grown up.im writing this post cause I'm heart broken.it seems like every time we are alone in bed.my husband rushes to have sex.or he  cant hold an erection.he has an excuse for every thing.this morning I tryed climbing on top of him.well that was a disaster.his excuse was I don't think I'm in deep enough.or im getting a cramp in my leg.he makes me feel like im not good enough in bed.he rushes thru having sex.which doesn't please me at all.ive now gotten to the point where I don't care .i feel so hurt by what he's doing.hes even lost erection while I've performed oral.i really feel like I'm not good enough.or pretty enough.im not over wight I excercise every day .i do take care of my self.what should I do.i even started making him take a herbal sulpment called horny goat weed.thanks for listing
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  Real dialog about this issue is that there is no magic one answer or solution. I believe that one has to really be clear about investigating as to what might be causing a man not to get erected in his relationship and stay there at a time when it's mostly needed. We could pop a pill and maybe make some girlfriend or wifee very happy and hope to maintain our dignity lol. But deep down inside men so much desire to get hard on our own without,meds or porn. When we get accused of erectile dysfunction because we are not titanium hard or maybe you didn't orgasm for the past few times it becomes a bit discouraging to us the next time around.

For us to loose our ability to get extremely erected, yes extremely I said, is like putting a muzzle on a killer junk yard dog.The wind could once breeze across our zipper and we could get hard. Now imagine your guy needing a tsunami to get up. The simple thought of thinking we must think to get up will make us go limb, that's the reality.

     We men are visual creatures and I mean visual most of the time to the 10th power. What we think of is what gets us HARD. Men are conquers and we like new and ongoing adventures. As we get older we don't even know at times what adventure might get us off, lol,but we search to find out and we want to know. We want to know if it is ED or is it something we aint getting.

Example: Men can get bored being with the same person over a period of time. It doesn't mean that we love our women any less, or that you are not Super Sexy to us. It just means that we prefer, want and need a variety in sex and we need it sooner and often as we like. I know that sounds a bit selfish, but you asked. I know for a fact that every man desires more than one women and if you ask your guy that question he most likely will ask you why you ask such a question and hell no honey you know I love you.., only to spare your feelings cause we love and respect how you feel. Men want and need to please our women in the most profound of ways imaginable. To be king and ruler. To leave you shaking in the aftermath of what did he just do to me  kind of spell.

Women sometime forget to let men chase you. You know, like you did when you first met us. To delay what you already decided you were gonna give us anyway, is a turn on. I not saying deny us, give to us when we wanted of course. We appreciate thinking we talked you out of it ,lol it helps our ego. Planned sex can sometimes be boring, its like a scripted porno, you know what to expect. Get naturally sexy, you know how, not over board unless you know that really turns him on. Almost not completely ignore the expectation of sex with him and go cook, clean, go to bed like that next to him if necessary and see what happens. If you go to work looking sexy it might bother us, so be aware, we might think you are cheating, but if you go to work sexy already then do sexy good,well enough to make us want you at high noon while we at work. Sometimes the thought of another man finding you sexually attractive can rage us, but sometimes it makes us aroused and we have to free ourselves of it and pound you out, if I can say that.

This can be a healthy way of re-affirming for men who's boss and great passionate outer space sex for the both of you. Its a good time for men who are verbal to vent and show you we still got it. To be verbal is to release frustration and stress which can cause men not to maintain an erection. If it turns him on that you act like you're to sexy and don't notice that he notices that you are mouth watering treat he will most likely seek you out.

Lastly, like I mentioned earlier, every man desires more than one women, the only thing that will prevent us from getting another is discipline, opportunity, guilt and or all of the above. It "does not" mean in many cases that our spouses are not Hot to us anymore. It means that men sometimes cheat ourselves of the adventure of outstanding sex opportunities. We live in a society that encourages us to be with one person for the rest of our lives, but the thought of this alone is a suppressive sexual depriving prison for many men sexually.

So if he wants another women in bed with him while he is having sex with you then by all means if it keeps him hard and going like an animal you might want to indulge in supporting him in imaging he is sexing you and his fantasy girl(s). I'm laughing cause I know what your where thinking I was going to say, but to each its owns and choose your level of fantasy and or -vs- reality

Depression, health issues, alcohol, drugs and stress all can play a big part in it as well, but I believe that the dysfunction starts mentally with men because many time we don't really get what we want sexually in a committed long term relationship.

If we watch porn we a criticized for it. If we ask you for a threesome we are scolded. I understand ladies love and need adventure as well but I am not a lady I am a man so I give you a peak at this point how men think and what we want. I don't know what  he wants, but he does and you'll know if you have some real sincere discussion about it. Just be clear about sexual creativity as to whatever it will be or not be.  At the least you'll be able to make a educated decision as to how to get his hard back in addition to some super bad a"" sex..

Thanks for your conversation and I hope that I said something that will help

Mr.H


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4851940 tn?1385441629
There are many reasons for men (and women) to experience erectile dysfunction.

The most important thing is not to make your partner feel guilty and not blame yourself if you are not able to reach the "ultimate goal" (climax).

The first step is communication if your partner is not touching your erogenous zones (the parts of the body that send you wild - can be any part of the body).

If there are health problems, use of medications, being anxious and worrying about money matters and other issues, tiredness, too much consumption of alcohol - all these can contribute to erectile dysfunction.

Men as well as women can get hormonal issues.  If the problem persists and communication, sexual play with sufficient lubrication does not help, it is worth making an appointment and speaking to your doctor.
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15374428 tn?1441015098

There are many reasons, for Mens ED.

1.) Lack of libido in men,
2.) Physical health issues.
3.) Mental health.
4.) Porn ED and many more.,

To sought out, this type of issue, Talk to your partner about the issue. If he is suffering from any type of health issues then help him to heal out physically as well as mentally.

Mentally... Yes, mentally. because one's thought, body language etc., plays an important role in making sexual life more entertaining. Moreover, you can also try role play like things to bring back your entertainment in your sexual life.

One more thing, it is very essential that both partners should actively participate in sexual intercourse..

If there is any medical issue, you should also try levitra, cialis, valif like medicines to sustain erection during intercourse.
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139792 tn?1498589250
Ruling out medical and psychological reasons, try few exercises. Learn abdominal breathing, Do it for 10 minutes twice a day and at any time of the day. Male deer exercises, kegel exercises, sat kriya are also good exercises. Recently some one has suggested Anal Peripheral prostate massage. This is a better exercise than kegel. Google all the phrases to know the details of the exercises.General health and cheerful mind also helps in sexual play.
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Your husband is experiencing porn induced erectile dysfunction. He lost his sensitivity. He get addicted to watching porn that he loose his sensitivity.
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Hello I am babli, I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last 5years, because i was childless for my husband for 4years in our marriage, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr,okuta the great spell caster,I narrated my problem to Dr,okuta about how my husband left me because of my barreness and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do, After the spell casting was been done, within the next 2 days My husband called me on phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and over joyful that i have to tell this to the entire world, that i am now a mother of a three month baby boy , i am also happy that dr,okuta was able to turn me to a mother of a child which i have never been for so many years, if you know you are at there passing through any problem contact Dr, okuta through this following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve.. Contact him through this email: ***@**** and your problem will be solve just like me
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check his testosterone--I take it every day and it helps a great deal
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check his testosterone--I take it every day and it helps a great deal
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20575241 tn?1501057432
you just answered the reason he is watching porn too much. this causes ED. talk to him nicely and say what he is doing is extremely wrong and loses his erection during sex.
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Am happy to share this testimony about the great priest manuka. I am callista, my husband had an affair with another lady for almost 10 years now and it was the worse thing that ever happened to our marriage. I was forced to take a good hard look at my behavior in the marriage and I came to realize that I was partly to blame for his affair. I had become emotionally unavailable to him and when something good or bad happened in my life, I called my friends instead of my husband. I had stopped allowing him to love me and to support me and he felt as if I no longer needed him. As a musician on the road with his band, it became to much temptation for him when a girl he met on road became interested in him and was more than available for him emotionally and physically. Once I really started to examine my behavior, I realized that I had as much work to do as he did. When going through all theses problem i came across priest manuka  then i explained things to him. after explanation to him, he told me what to do by bringing back my husband so i decided to follow the rules which he gave to me. Now, My husband cut all tires with his other woman and became committed to working on our marriage to save it. Today, we have a beautiful son, another on the way in a couple weeks, we own our home, and have a fuller, happier life than we ever imagined. After i came across the testimony made by lucy about how this temple of spirit brought back her ex husband for more than 6 years in marriage. so my if you are in such pain and you don’t no what to do you can contact this great man for help i promise you he will help you the way he helped me. via Email [***@**** or call him +17864385003] he will help and solve all problems around
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