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Why my husband looses his erection during sex?
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Why my husband looses his erection during sex?

My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. He just turned 47 and I am 46. We have I guess to say not had the best sex life.  In the beggining it was very nice. Then the kids started coming. We have 3 beautiful girls 26, 23 & 19. And we hardley ever had sex after they were born.  We were apart for 2 years ending 7 months ago. You see my husband was transfered and we decided I would stayed back home to let our youngest graduate high school there. So we only saw each ohter on the weekends. When I would come here it was wonderful. We were all alone. The sex was great. Then I moved here and the sex was off and on. More off than on again. So I decided that I wanted us back.  I Love my husband so much. And I know he loves me. The problem is he used to want sex all the time. He would raise to attention when I entered the bedroom. Well not any more. He does not seem interested even though we are alone. Now I have gained a few pounds.  I am not saying I am obese but I do need to loose about 15 pounds.  We both started going to a gym.  He needs to loose a few also. I also caught him watching porn one evening. He said someone sent it to him and he don't just watch it. So now I have the feeling he is just not sexually arroused by my body anymore becasue I don't look like the girls in the porn. He says he is but when I get into bed naked and lay on top of him kissing his neck and nothing happens he just says he is tired, then I can't beleive he is. I am not real sure about myself most of the time. I don't usually take charge like that. We talked about that and he says he likes it but most of the times I did he was not interested. So what am I to think. It does nothing for my self confidence at all. So I told him if he wants sex then he needs to let me know. I find myself just thinking of him and getting excited. So what is the problem. I think he only has sex with me most of the time becasue he senses I want to. Why can't he stay hard while we are having sex? I could see if we stopped but that is not the case, we can be in the middle of it. And just to add I am not one to just lay there. I help.  If I am giving him oral sex he is fine. And usually while he is giving me oral sex he is hard. But the last few times he is not. I mean if I start on him he does get hard.  Then we start having sex and after a bit he just goes soft. He does not ejaculate then go soft just goes soft. And then there are a few times that he can't ejaculate. So what am I to think? I am a horrible wife.  I can't even keep my husband interested during sex.  Please help.  Worriedwife
Tags: erection, husband, sex
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks so much.  I will check that out.
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Avatar_f_tn
No, you're not a horrible wife. Everyone is different, some people need sex more than others, that's normal. It's also perfectly normal for a man to go through periods of lower libido. Anxiety, stress, depression can have a drastic impact on a man's sexual performance.

You also mentioned erectile problems. This is a medical problem and, if the situation persists for more than three months, your husband should consult a urologist. ED is easily treatable, as long as he takes that first hard step and seeks professional help.

And another thing: we guys are extremely sensitive when it comes to sexual problems. Men don't like to talk about it and prefer to suffer in silence. You'll have to be extremely patient and supportive.
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1205014_tn?1265731513
Your story sounds just like me. My husband and I are close to your age and have the exact problem. We use to love sex 2-3 times a week and it was passionate. Now he never seems interested and says I want it too much.  He also watches porn and I thought that was the problem as well. I try not to let it hurt me but it does deeply.  I miss the intamacy and closeness we once had. I wish he understood my feelings more. He wont talk about it and gets very defensive when I bring it up.  He is overweight and should loose 20-30 for his size.  Ive read up on ED and found out men who are overweight have less testosterone which lowers their libido. When they are overweight they also have less blood flow to the penis which causes it to be less firm. It is easier for them to masterbate then have real intercorse. Knowing this, made me feel a little better, but I am still bothered by it and take it personal. I find if we exercise like a good brisk walk , it helps his blood flow and his penis will stay firm and he can sometimes ejaculate and climax.  I hope this will be helpful, it helps me to read your story, so I know I am not alone.
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks so much for a mans look.  I know everyone is different.  But he used to want it all the time.  And I do understand our age has a lot to do with it.  It is just hard I guess from him telling me he will always want me and then he is tired.  I do understand being tired also. We have talked about this part.  But sometimes I guess being the emotional person I am I take it as it is me.  I try not too but it just happens.  A woman is supposed to please her man just like he is supposed to please her.  No difference there.  And a woman is supposed to make her man feel aroused.  That is what I am having a problem with. Is it me not making him feel aroused?
I am not pushing him or making him feel bad.  When it happens I tell him it is ok.  He is a very loving man.  He tried to make sure I am taken care of.  But I think after that happens he feels bad and I am left.  He does hold me and stuff but still left needing.  I am trying to be helpful.  I still just think it is me.  Maybe when he really wants it he is ok then when he really don't but doing anyway he can't. It just hurts.
I Thanks you again for your help.  It does help more than you know,  
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Yes, it is nice to know I am not alone. I don't think he is watching porn anymore.  I had asked him about it.  Now there is someone who still sends nude pictures to him through email.  But I am not worried about that.  And my husband is still interested but now and then during sex he just goes soft.  "guys are extremely sensitive when it comes to sexual problems".  I don't know how to get around that.  I know if my husband's difficulties continue I will talk to him about going to the doctor to make sure he is ok.  They say that this problem can be a physical problem.  That I worrie about.  I don't want him to be sick or have a physical problem.  I could do with out the sex if it is just ED, I just don't want him sick or hurt.  I did not know the weight thing could cause ED.  My husband is not obese.  He needs to loose about 15 to 20 pounds.  He is not a fat looking man.  He has always keep himself looking nice.  I don't know where the weight is on him.  Unlike on me.  I wonder why you can see it on women but not on men. I did figure that he will have a problem if we try to have sex more than once in a day.  Or every night then after a few night he will start having problems.  I did read up on that "cure sexual exhaustion" or "losing sexual power" that another suggested and it does seem that is what is happening in our situation.
Thanks for the info and the well wishes. I also hope yall get this all figured out too. It is a crazy thing.  Men peek in their teens or early twenty's and women in their 40's, just sad.
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Avatar_n_tn
It is not a bad idea to have him go to the doctor, but I don't think you need to suggest it.  This is his problem and I'm sure he's extremely sensitive about it.  In fact it probably upsets him much more than it does you, and I'm sure he's already questioning himself.  At some point he is going to want to go to the doctor because he wants this problem to disappear.  As gentle as you try to phrase it, asking him to go to the doctor about this would almost certainly hurt his sexual confidence even more, something you obviously don't want to do.  This is a problem that affects both of you, and if you want to be a supportive wife, the last thing you want to do is say something is wrong with YOU and YOU need to go to a doctor to satisfy me.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi there,

to me, your husband is obviously addicted to porn, i know this as the same thing happened to me and ruined my marriage (i am male), the less he can perform in the real world the more he turns to porn, it is not that he doesn't find you attractive anymore, it's that the mind and body are not in sync regarding the reward mechanism. He may find you hot but the mind/penis is now trained to believe that porn will give him the 'reward' and not a real woman, he needs to abstain from porn (porn & masterbuation for up to 2mths to reset the brain circuitry).

Have a look at the porn/impotence threads for more info, but i'm 95% sure the issue isn't with you.

Hope that helps.
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1388999_tn?1370046414
Look everyone .......this is no ones fault and he is not addicted to porn ,this situation can affect up to 25% of all males over 45yrs.

The trouble is the male psyche is so damn sensitive it just takes one failure for a lot of our little petals to start worrying about it in fact they worry so much that its almost certain that it will happen next time and then ladies they are in big trouble !,so embarrassed about it they will not talk to anyone.

They try to look at porn to get that feeling back some even have affairs but nothing works really well as it is their mind not their penis.You have to convince them it is a very common problem and growing all the time in this world of stress,you must somehow get them to talk to a doctor and they will put their mind at ease somewhat.

There is so much help out there... it could be a medication he is taking and just a matter of changing it.
.
There is Viagra and Cialis to help and for the most stubborn mind an injection which makes the little guy stand to attention  no matter what ! IF it is in the mind, its a tiny little needle they would not feel it.

Ladies this takes a lot of tact and gentle care,..... imagine  them as poor little souls that have ! in their minds have lost what makes  them a man they feel worthless, no pressure what so ever as it will curl up and disappear.

Just be loving stroke his hair get him to talk ! tell him he means the world to you (if he does) and is there anything he would like to talk about as you know there is something on his......mind.
Never ever ask if it is you as you will give them an excuse.

Somehow they must go to a doctor this is critical for a positive outcome.The Odds are that it is mental not physical.So please stop the blame game.
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Avatar_m_tn
Let me start by saying that I am a   40 year old male. I found this site because I to have the same problem    of losing my erection during sex. I hope this helps you to hear this    from a mans side. My wife and I have been married 19 years and we still  have sex 3 to 4 times a week and sometimes I do lose my erection, but it is NOT her fault. I still think she   is as beautiful as the day I met her and I still get turned on just looking  at her so don't worry I'm sure he  still loves you but is probably    upset about the ED. My wife is very understanding and we are able to  discuss it and I made it very clear that she is not the problem so it       has helped. Hope this helps,        good luck.
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks for the advice. Sorry it took me so long. He will not talk about it. He just says he is getting old I guess.  And I know it bothers him most of the time. But sometimes I just don't know. And I have trouble talking to him about it. I did ask if he was sleeping with someone else. He said no. But I am not sure if I beleive him. I used to beleive every word he said but have since caught him in a lie. Not a big one but a lie just the same. So I just don't know anymore.
I must say the comment to stroke his hair gave me a giggle. Thanks. He shaves his head. So no hair to stroke. And I do want to say things have gotten a little better. I love him very much and I am determined for this marrage to work. Sex or the lack of it will not stop my love.
Thanks again
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks so much. It does help to hear a man's side. I know he loves me. I really do deep down inside my heart.
We don't have sex often anymore. And when we do I feel like he is only doing it for me. Can you tell me do you go looking at porn or searching for skinny, young movie stars? I don't mean kid young just younger than us. This is why I think he is not attracted to me anymore. I am not fat by no means. I do have a little belly. But not a huge one. But I am not as skinny as the women he searches for naked pictures of. And at the gym when a skinny younger woman comes in he has to look. He did say he just looks and don't want. But I know that to be a lie. I know becasue he told someone else for a ex-coworkers birthday that he would like to give her 30"licks". If he is wanting that then I know he is thinking things when he looks. And he is just not attentive to me. I am not saying I am a person that needs to be taken care of all the time. It would just be nice for him to come home from work and give me a nice kiss and hug and we could just hold each other for a second. He does sometimes but most of the time it is just a peck and he is on his way.  I tried being the aggressive one and got turned down. 3 times. So I quit. Could not take the rejection.  I guess I am just tired. Anyway. Sorry for going on like that. I am grateful for the comment. It does help some. I wish my husband was as open to talking as you are. I have learned long ago I talk and he gets mad so I just don't try anymore till one day when I just can't take it anymore. I don't fuss just talk and cry.  Thanks so much for the comment.  I hope all goes well for you and your wife.
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Avatar_n_tn
I wish mine would take my suggestion of going to the doctor for a thorough check up and see if there is an underlying problem to his ED.  He won't go and he won't even try to be healthier and that puts me in the position of feeling that he has total disregard for how his problem effects me.

I sure went out of my way when I was going through menopause to make sure I kept up on my health maintenance and accommodated his needs when there were times that I really did not feel like it.

We're both 51 and he's dead sexually, but I'm not.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have an issue that is similar. It seems during sex I can lose an erection for no apparent reason. If I am not super concentrated on what I'm doing and keeping myself hard, I will lose the erection. This unfortunately takes a lot out of enjoying sex with my girlfriend. Any kinky playful positioning or other fun is extremely difficult without the loss of erection. This being the case makes for a lot of "quickies". The point is that I really do not want to have sex with her at all because the feeling of "what's the point, it's gonna suck anyway". She swears she is satisfied, but I have trouble believing that of course. I have visited the urologist, and sorry to say, they just want to throw a box of Cialas at you and send you on your way. I'd like to know if anyone has any ideas  
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Avatar_m_tn
I am a 54 year old male and was losing an erection shortly after getting one. I chose to seek help and went to the doctor. After a penile ultrasound and penile something else (they poke a needle in your penis and make you erect with a solution, then take xrays), they found I had extra veins draining my penis of blood. Possibly could be from masturbation. I then had some surgery to remove the veins, helping me to maintain an erection. My issue now is libido and am being treated with testosterone, but haven't been on it long enough to see if the dosage is adequate. Your Husband needs to be aggressive in his pursuit of help. Also, any form of porn will not really help him. If it arouses him, maybe you both should use it to fulfill your hunger for sexual intimacy. Should he decide to go to a doctor, he can''t be docile. My Doctor was told I wanted to try something and I suggested there were other Doctors who may help me if he wouldn't. We weighed out the available choices and started on a program. Also libido and erection have nothing to do with each other, they are independent, not connected.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hey worried wife I'm a 24 year old male and right now my hard ons are not as impressive as they used to be I used to be able to keep it hard in-defiantly. I have not had a lot of sex but when I was dating this girl when I was 22 I could barely feel anything through the condom I would get soft during sex from lack of stimulation. I wanted to trill her though and make her feel good and sexy so through mental stimulation I would just say sexy things about her in my head and marvel and all the wonderful tiny things about her body.

So I know at one time I was able to keep wood even with low stimulation.
Now my issue as far as I can tell is that I have been dealing with being very depressed and unmotivated. I was dating a girl and she was so special and I loved her to death still do anyway circumstances beyond our control made it impossible to be together. Now I'm left sad and useless as a pancake drumhead. So It'll be two years this July since she was my girlfriend and I still don't know how to give a **** (about anything) I just pretend. So I finally got to the point where I said fine you may not be able to love again but your horny as a mother ****** you might as well get laid while your still young.

So there's this girl HOT I been wanting to sleep with for 4+ years at my house and I really can't, wont take advantage of a girl. I let her know that i was going through some **** and did not think I could offer her more than the physical side of things. She said that's fine and she was in the same place so we messed around for like 4 days and here we are both naked and I turned down the sex I had been working towards. I mean she is telling me she want's me inside her, like no mixed signals. I wanted us to both get tested beforehand. Well anyway she ends up giving me a ** which I was hesitant about since you can get STDs that way too but I was like **** it what good is having a clean **** if you never get to use it. so I let her continue but I never got fully hard that fact I could be getting the herp,  that my conservative roommates might be upset at me getting blown and me not sure if I was gonna hurt this girl emotionally and possibly physically (I have been told I have a thick penis). All this anxiety and emotional stress of the old relationship turned what should have been Oak into Balsa wood (a chubby)... And once you don't perform well as a man it haunts you so the anxiety of not getting fully hard makes it even more difficult the next time. Oh I also forgot I have been entertaining this anal fantasy (me in a girl) I have not done anal yet and I think part of it was that I am really really obsessed with wanting to do this girl in the butt. How do you say to a girl hey I'm so hung up on your ******* mind if i **** you in the *** then in the ***** (I would change condoms of course). I might end up saying just that... :D

Anyway as you can see a number of things can cause these issues.

look into these
- stress/depression
- anxiety
- un-confessed or indulged fantasies

The first one I would check on is stress ask him if anything is stressing him. Help him work on any issues.Help him un-stress give him a massage suck his **** while he watches tv (seriously if a woman just laid on the couch sucking my **** while I watched tv I would lose my mind) Even better wake up early and just suck him and hand job (with lube) til he wakes up and don't stop til he's at the brink then slow it down keep him from cumming and do it over and over. Drive him mad with lust, Tell him you will suck his **** *** long as he wants but if he wants to *** he's going to have to **** you. Ask him if he want's to **** you in the *** or if he has any other fantasies he would like you to fulfill. Remember not to react harshly if one of the fantasies freaks you out. Just say you'll have to think on that one but it's not in the no category yet. Actually take the time to consider his fantasies. For instance if he want's to see you with another woman you might consider it I would hesitate to do a threesome but I would love to see the woman I love being fingered, eaten out, dildo'd, stap ons, double **** (two ended rubber **** for girls to bang each other, in my mind the grand daddy of hotness). For me at least the fantasy is more about watching my woman be pleasured than it is about the other woman.  The reason a lesbian fantasy is so appealing is because I can watch my woman being ****'d/pleasured with out the insane urge to kill the man doing her.


but yeah understand is he went limp he knows it and it's freaking him the **** out more than you so stoke the **** out of his ego and make him feel like your addicted to his ****

read on that page it's a pretty un-censored way of how guys think, might help.

http://bewareofmen.com/category/what-guys-fantasize-about
http://bewareofmen.com/category/how-guys-dominate-in-bed
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Avatar_m_tn
The politically incorrect and unpleasant/brutal truth that seems to be side stepped here is that many guys in relationships are simply no longer attracted enough to their gf’s or spouses (not to blame them). It's very easy to be in denial about that. The chemistry is often not strong enough or has faded. Men are creatures who crave peak sexual experiences and intensity. It’s not strictly a woman’s looks, but that intense primal chemistry that beckons so strongly (but often correlated with looks, youth, and variety unfortunately). From a 1 to 10, men crave that 10 intensity, yet often end up in a chronic 4 or 5 situation that just doesn’t work for either party. This is what destabilizes many men. Porn, while completely artificial like a drug, can provide that peak sexual high and relief very quickly, temporarily meeting those cravings. Unfortunately like a drug, the cost is high with addiction, and sexual needs are never fully met by 2D images, but that's a whole separate topic. Anyhow, oldest story in the book, many men have affairs and recently turn to porn because their needs are no longer being met. My aim is not to insult any women by this reality check, but to save time if this applies to you. It's the hardest thing to admit to a woman that you are no longer attracted to her sexually, especially after being together for many years. But this is very much a natural part of the landscape of relationships that should not be swept under the rug.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have been married 46 years. I left my husband a year ago. I have returned but taking it a day at a time. My husband loves me sexually. He loves to see me dress in differnt close and change them until he cant. take it any longer. The problem is he can get an erectction with the help of the pill but can't climax. He says it is okay because he is satifed
We are both planning to go see a new doctor that uses a lot of natureal ways to correct help probems. I am on many medications and want to get off of them. I am type 2 diabetic and no it can be cured if I follow this doctors ways.
The problem is I am not okay with my husband not getting a climax. It is okay once in a while but not from now to forever. I just got a call back from the doctor's office to set up an appointment. My husband now tells me he is not going to go to a doctor about this.He refuses to go to most doctors. He will not even get a blood test so doctors can know what is going on with his body. He says if it ant broken don't need to fix it.
Well it is broken and he will need to get it fixed. He want sex more than anyone I know. He thinks it will be okay if we just do what we are doing which is some wonderful kissing and so on and most of the time I can climax having some problems I think it has to due with this situation. I do not have the disire he does put I am sure when I go to the doctor he can help me with that since I take alot of medications that could me causing it.
My hunband bought viagra on the internet and it helps him get mostly a full eriction but it doent's stay and he can't climax. What is werd he thinks he has an eriction when he really dosent'. I have to tell him he is not. He continues to have one and he is not. We have not had intecourse in a long time because that requires a very strong eriction and he is only able to get that to last a few seconds and then it is just hard. He is over weight and that effects his lenght making intercourse almost impossible. I am sure by the time I talke to him next he will change his mind about going to the doctor. I sent him an e-mail that it is important to me that he be able to have a complete sexual experiece and I need it for me to feel I was able to cause my husband to have a orgasum. Am I doing the wright thing incouraging him to go to the doctor? I might point out we are not going to doctor's as most know. We are going to the new doctor's treating the whole body and with way other than just prescribing medication. It is treating every thing from the type of food you eat and the suppliments. This doctor used to treat his patiecnce the old fashion way with all the drugs and stuff but now they are getting people health with life style changes. He can still request blood test to see what is or is not needed in the body. I just hope he will go because I know when things start working again for him he will ge so greatful I got him to go. Any suggestion are welcome. I have read and printed out some of the suggestion on the site so far. It is nice to hear from the men. I am 62 year old women that has a husband that adores me even though I am over weight some. I am working on that but he doen't want me to lose weight because he said I will lose my boobs. I told him I have to lose a little just so I am healther and get rid of high blood presure and diabities.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been married for 8 years and still don't have a test of proper sex. My husband is very interested in me. He would jump on me 3 times a week but after stimulating me he can stay only for few seconds. I tried to talk to him many times and try to tell him to see a doctor. But he gets angry on me. I am very very upset about what happening with my life. I have 2 kids. The other problem is I am the bread earner in the family and he doesn't want me to talk to any man. It means any man...doesn't matter younger or older,...relative or neighbour or colleagues....Every night is a terrible night for me...He seems always satisfied and he tries to satisfy me using his finger which is horrible...any help
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1842236_tn?1319203857
It is not your fault.  You did nothing.  There could be a lot of causes.  For what ever reason he is not pumping enough blood to his penis or its leaking out.  There are lots of over the counter ED pills on the market that might help.  Look for something with vitamin b-6, L-Arginime and Glutamine.  These vitamins and amino acids work with the body to enhance the penis and it might be enough to solve your problem.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes he needs to lose that weight, get him out walking daily, get him off alcohol, and get him on a heathy diet, get him to cut out any fast foods.
Look up about DHEA its a over the counter hormon repacement, but read up about first, there some good stuff on webmd, just put DHEA in there search box, you could also try him on a cayenne mix this will help his blood flo to his penis as well, you can find about this on earth clinic, just look up ED on there.
I'v just done all this myself and it works as my wife now has her smile back, tell him from me its not just for him its for both of you.
Godd Luck.
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Avatar_m_tn
You have a pretty sexist view of women, or are living in a different time than the rest of us.  Now, women are not shrinking violets who just lay there and take it. We want it just as much as men, and have the same primal feelings you're talking about.  Older generations of women were taught that sex was something you had to endure, and it wasn't natural for a woman to want it as much as a man. This just isn't the case anymore.  It may be for a smattering of women, but for the most part, we're just as horny as men, and watch porn as well.As for not being attracted to your mate anymore:  My husband and I have been married for 27 years and are both in our fifties. Neither one of us look as great as we did years ago, but our sex life is just as hot as it ever was. In fact, it's better now that our son is grown and out of the house. We watch porn together on occasion, and try a lot of new things to keep it interesting.  The key is that we still love each other as passionately as we ever did.  We still have primal, off the chart hot sex.  My husband has experienced some mild ED during intercourse, but testosterone shots really improved it. If it happens, I don't get upset about it, or think it's me. It's age and low testosterone that causes the problem in most men his age.  I started bio-identical hormones last year, and my libido is that of a 25 year old. We're having the best sex of our lives, with a small glitch now and again. But, that's going to happen to most men as they get older. Watching porn alone will only make the problem worse for men or women.  You're right about it being a peak stimulus.  If I watch porn alone, or too often, I find it harder to orgasm without the visual stimulation, so I quit. Now, I'm back to normal.  

Women can lose their attraction for a man just as easily is things aren't right on the home front, or because guy lets himself go physically.  Why do you think there are so many women having affairs now?  And, there is a huge market for women's porn now. If you think men are the only ones losing attraction and acting out sexually, you're quite mistaken.  The world has changed, and women want the same things men have wanted since the beginning of time.  Only now we're leveling the playing field. If you have a wife or girlfriend, and you ignore here, don't be surprised if she looks elsewhere for sexual fulfillment. The dark ages are over.
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm not a doctor or a phsyciatrist (I think I spelled it right..LOL) but I believe I may be able to put the icing on the cake for some of you ladies based on my own experiences. 9.9 times out of 10.0 if your husband/boyfriend is having a problem achievng or maintaning an erecton prior to or during intercourse and are not on any type of medications for E.D. you can bet your life that his problem is due to his psycological insecurity of being inadequate...in other words the feeling that he can not satisfy you sexually with his penis.I read one post that stated how her husbands sex drive was on point and at other times it wasn't well....if this is true for any woman's husband (and of course he's not going to tell you... for we are macho )  It's because when that insecurity complex flares up it depletes his ability to become aroused and there's no self-confidence in sexual performance at all leaving his manhood useless at that point.Usually if you're with some one that loses his erection during intercourse or uses an excuse to not have intercourse this is usually why...(not because we're cheating) I'm a man I know.Wich could also explain why some men even may become abusive..and you're right..it's not fair to the woman and I agree 100% but it happens.....uuummmm dinner's ready gotta go...I hope my words were well understood
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Avatar_m_tn
My husband is older than I am. He is 43 soon to be 44 in December 2012. I am 29. When we were first married (10 years ago) he was willing and able anytime. Sometimes he wanted it so much that I was wore out, but now he hasn't kissed, hugged, or touched me in about a year. He went to his doctor who ran tests and determined that he had virtually no testostrum. His doctor put him on medicine for that. Also my husband has a back problem. When we do actually try to have sex, he will begin to get an erection, then have a back spasum (spasm), and lose it. I have tried everything from romantic nights, to forceful experiences, to just plain begging for it. His response has now became "you can just go have an affair. I won't mind" or "I thought you were finally over this." I always respond, " I only want to be with you." I am also a child sexual abuse victim and this has caused me a lot of mental problems. I constantly worry about what is wrong with me. I would guess in the last 5 years we may have had sex 10 times. Each encounter is a short, not to pleasant experience. In all other areas of our life we get along well.
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Avatar_m_tn
Where most women make the mistake is not realizing that the key is the big head not the small. I will tell you that no one hear can give you magical answers. It is important for sex to be mutual, you both need to feel that way. I can tell you, go ahead and lose some weight, for you. he will like it also, but I can guarantee that is not the problem. The only way for you to know what is bothering him is to ask. He knows whether he will admit it or not. He maybe hesitant to tell you, but he knows. You have not told us enough for me to say, do you have orgasms? You say you don't just lay there, how do you present things sexually, do you make him feel like no matter what he does its wrong? Have you asked him what excites him? Maybe you should surprise him and join him watching an adult movie. If that offends you maybe your sexual views are the problem. You also must realize the more you make of it, the more he will think about it himself during sex, and once it goes down the worst thing is to put too much pressure on yourself.
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Suggested exercises for Low Libido, Low level of hormones,Erectile dysfunction etc.
Male deer exercise
Female deer exercise,
kegel exercise,
Sat kriya(Satkriya)
Tadan kriya
kundalini yoga.
Massaging perineum.
Google above phrases and select those you like.You may consult doctor to rule out any medical cause and then do some of the above exercises.
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Avatar_m_tn
Unless there is a physical reason such as Diabetes the main reason men can't get erect or lose their erection during sex with their wives is they do not have a high enough level of sexual desire. This is probably why he watches porn. It is the only thing that gets him turned on enough so he can get hard and ejaculate. This is very common in long term marriages today. Men like sexual variety and get sexually bored after many years of sex with the same person. Porn provides constant variety which is why many married men love it so much. They never get sexually bored when they use porn.
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Avatar_m_tn
Unless there is a physical reason such as Diabetes the main reason men can't get erect or lose their erection during sex with their wives is they do not have a high enough level of sexual desire. This is probably why he watches porn. It is the only thing that gets him turned on enough so he can get hard and ejaculate. This is very common in long term marriages today. Men like sexual variety and get sexually bored after many years of sex with the same person. Porn provides constant variety which is why many married men love it so much. They never get sexually bored when they use porn.
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Avatar_m_tn
My husband is 41 and he may have had ED for about a year or more. He blames me for him not being able to stay up. I have told him that he may have a medical problem. He gets upset with me. He tells me to wear sex stff so it will blows his mind, sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable to wear them. I don't knowwhat to do with his possible ED, he wont go to a doctor about it, he will only blame me for it.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thats is his ego blaming you. Blame him back. I would not advise that regularly as it could make things worst. But if he is an *** about it then his ego deserves it. Say " hey noddle " go see a doctor about that. Get some blue pills or something.

A guy should never blame the woman. Especially when it is HIS problem and he knows it is.
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Avatar_m_tn
Here my story my libido is very adequate and I get hard erection I can poke a hole in the wall. The problem is when i get near my wife I lose all the erection. It got so bad I feel scared from my wife. My wife has been mentally ill so many times and I did sacrifice a lot of time, money and happiness to keep the marriage going. My wife story is to accuse me and ask for divorce when she gets sick, then changes her mind when she is not ill. When I go soft she complains and this makes it worth. She does not help at all just lay down and lt do it all. I get hard erection by just seeing women at work, at the mall, walking on the street and when I come near my wife I lose it. I love my wife but I am very frustrated.
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Avatar_n_tn
Like many others have said, send him to a urologist, preferably one who is knowledgeable in this area.  It may be blood-flow related or it may be low testosterone.  One thing is clear, it's not YOU and it's not "in his head".
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Avatar_m_tn
Well I am different... I have been married for 15 years and I am an attractive women not heavy. I am 43 and my husband 60. He has not had sex with me for 8 years and I have tried everything he told me he has lost interest in sex and does not want it anymore. When we first got married he had a few issues getting an erection but he overcame. He has never been to a doctor since we have been married and everytime I ask him to try and get some help he ignores me. I walk around naked and I try getting in the shower with him and nothing... What do I do. I feel he is being very selfish to me..
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Avatar_m_tn
I am sorry you are having problems, but from my personal experiences, I mean honestly, I watch porn, I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I am a little.
I love my girlfriend, I find her truly stunning and sexually appealing, but I often watch porn as well. I'd say it's more of a habit, harder to stop than smoking cigarettes.

Maybe spice things up, roleplay, ect. or watch it with him, it does work, or just try to help him stop, and just talk to him about it.

Just because he watches porn, doesn't mean he's not attracted to you, at all. It could just be a bad habit, that he might have maybe started, when you two were separated or something.

I hope everything works out for you two.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have a somewhat similar story. My husband & I have been married now for 11yrs .when we married I had 3 kids from my 1st marriage. They are all grown & on their own now. But in the past 11 yrs we have had 3 major seperations & 2 of the times  he filed 4 a divorce. & now we r seperated for a3rd time.All three times have been the same exact path. Hes never had 2 putforth effort 2 get attention from ANY WOMAN.i wouldnt say hes arogent ..more like confident n himself because he "knows " or "believes" that he doesnt have to do anything 2 get a woman. He says he "gets off" (if u will) on how women chase after him..& some have flat out asked him for sex. & he sayhe likes that he can tell them no ..since we married he has said he only loves & desires me!..??but I have caught him masterbating (masturbating)...secretly talking 2 ex girlfriends..watching porn ..lying about being @ work . Internet hookups or whatever its called...& this seperation almost all the same stuff instead hes been having a fone relationship with his exwife..for 2 years! the parts of the conversations i heard ..they where giving 1 another addvice on each others marriage! & i heard my husband useing insinuations like "yea 1967 was a good year" but ""69"" is better ""77"" is even better!! .any way all the times i would ask about these things he denied  them untill i would show him proof & then hed get mad @ me & end up leaving..& bar hopping & whatever else..& filing papers..but everytime during breakups  ...we continue 2 have sex!! Not frequently but we do! & it getts better& more erotic each  time we meet up..and me ..knowing some of the different things hes always mentioned wanting 2 try with me...i de ided 2 have an open mind & try new things with him...it was just the two of us...but even though he was excited that i wantex 2 try...he couldnt stay hard..hes neved has that problem  he says it waz because he thought i was doing it b/c its wat he wanted...&  we  kept going trying  2  keep him aroused..It seemed like as soon as he saw that i really was enjoying what he was doing ..he  couldnt keep an erection..?? He kept reasureing me is nothing 2 do with me....but he didnt no what was wrong...its hard to talk feelings& future & our marriage & hes distant & stressed out 1 day ..telling me i shouldnt talk dirfy 2 him ...r he juzt ignorez my calls..& the next day he cooks me dinner & sends me on my way..& the next says dont push him juzt let things happen ..without pushing ..Well easy  2 say 4 him ..he lives n our house. I only took some clothes when i lleft..i dont no @ times where i will slleep @ night  here there & n my truck ...idont no ..if or what im suposed  2 do from day 2 day. he is all i have & has everything  we built 2 gether & his family constantly talk down about me 2 him..
HOMELESSHEART



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Avatar_f_tn
Im sitting here in tears, so scared its me!!! Thank you so much for your post. It really does help to hear it from an outside male point of view.
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To those who need to excite their male partner sexually.
Prostate massage; their are 4 types of prostate massage.
1 Normal massage by inserting lubricated finger and massaging in a rotatory fashion. Google to learn the method.
2Abdominal prostate massage. this is done from pelvic bone to belly button. Details you will find in Google
3 Anal peripheral massage;(Google it)
4 Inner thigh massage..
If your partner is cooperative, he may enjoy and get physical advantafes with these massages.
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Avatar_n_tn
We have been married for 43 years  he is 66 and I am 71... these past 7 years have been a living hell!  When it comes intimacy between us, his desire for me, his desire to make love with me, his interest in trying new things is just not there!....  I had to beg him to see a doctor. He hated me for pushing him.  He didn't believe me when I said I am pushing for both us not just me.  He finally went his testosterone count was low at under 200.  He has tired several now taken the gel under the arms, 3 pumps a day for over month, he says not much different in the desire area. He refuses to ever take the shots!  

At first I blamed myself and tried all I knew to do to make our love making good if not great!  From including porn in our bedroom.  To that he does get aroused easily.  I don't get it, it is hurtful and destroys a .woman's heart.  I am not ugly, I won a beauty contest a few months ago, I am thin, I am sensual and sexual.  But I can't compete with a 22 yr old air brushed and touched up body.  I can moan like she does... but that is it!   I am considering a separation for awhile.  I don't know if it will make a difference but it is the only thing I haven't tried.  Since we are both retired perhaps we are around each other to much.  I love him very much but hate the pain of rejection and his lack of desire towards me.

For my health I take testosterone implants and enjoy making love more than ever.  

It is so cruel and hurtful... what age, pride,  stubbornness does!  Women on here do you share any of my thoughts????

Men... help what can a loving and caring wife do to stir up desire in her husband for her!   My heart hurts... masturbation satisfies the flesh, but doesn't fill up a persons heart, arms, empty feelings of self doubt or feelings of rejection............

My husband says he loves me, i believe he does like our pet, and he doesn't do change well... like running water seeks the path of least resistance.  

I am still searching... but I am getting worn out... in the last part of my life they should be great years......... I still know many men who passionately love their wife and chase her around the bedroom and they are older than I am.

  
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Avatar_f_tn
Re. your post dated March 2011. I cant wait to here what wisdom you have to offer me !! I am 44 , in my sexual prime and my husband at 43 now has ed.I can relate to much of what these lonely wives are going through. The lack of intimacy is the most painful part of the whole situation . I can only imagine what its like for any man to suffer this cruel condition. It not only steals the erection, but the confidence and the man himself. I have been with my husband for 26 years, married for 20 .We are in this together. I believe that most men would consider their penis to be their best friend ..until it turns against them. It must be soul destroying.Sex should be about participation ,not performance.It should also not be based on what the final result will be.If you refused to dine out unless you always got dessert, think about all the wonderful entrees and main meals you would have missed out on !!! Most women can relate to having had great sex that never resulted in orgasm....and we didnt need ,or expect it from the start.Its the journey we enjoy ,not the expected paradise at the end.If men were able to look at it from our point of view, they may be less worried about performance and make the most of what they have. People who are paralysed still enjoy a healthy sex life . Its all in the mind in the end anyway.Orgasm comes from the head and then the genitals react!Surely sex is still worth having after all.Wishing i had a magic wand to fix all  the men suffering from ed. In the end we are all suffering because of it . After reading all the letters about people looking elsewhere for intimacy i am starting to understand why there is a huge need for Cougars (older women dating younger men )If women are in there prime sexually at 40 ,and men in theirs at 20 ,and both are not getting as much sex as they want then they are a perfect match.These experienced women can teach these guys a few things about what women like .Hopefully they are also teaching them how to treat women with respect at the same time...good luck to them all.I think that Earmuffs could do with some of this training . On the flip side i am not sure that older men are sexually matched well with young women,considering how wide spread ed is beyond the age of 40?I now wonder what these women go through.I worry that these older men will be left on their own when sex is no longer a part of there relationship......                                        I cant go until i say a few things to Earmuffs first .....you do have some great fantasies , they sound like a lot of fun .I am sure that you girlfriend would thoroughly enjoy being with another girl if she wishes.I do however think that you are the last person who deserves to watch.Women are not your toys and they are not here for your amusement! I suggest you concentrate on your own maturity and stop worrying about the best way to play out your fantasies. With your attitude towards women you will have a very lonely life.I wish you well on this journey .More importantly i wish all of us dealing with ed all the luck in the world.xxx
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I think what your trying to accomplish with your husband is great.  i wish my wife were as enthusiastic as you are with your man. Were in our mid 40's as well. Why he's having issues is something I'm not understanding. maybe he needs to be more open and honest of why he is not performing. As a man, I can tell you it is not an easy topic to talk about because we don't want to think we have problems with our manhood. My experience is that lately I have been having issues of not getting into it, because I feel like my wife is more concerned about other things than our sex life. It bothers me that I have to initiate the sex most if not all the time. Before I would not have a problem getting up when all she had to do was get naked or start off with some foreplay with her and I was ready to rock and roll. But now it's a problem just trying to get there and it's very frustrating. Also lately i have not been motivated about anything. I just rather sleep in and not exercise as I use to. Fatigue? I dont Know, maybe I just decided to quit. We've talked some and I hope this helps me. I've asked her to be into it and concentrate on our sex and not talk about what were having for dinner tomorrow or some ridiculous topic. I feel like it's as if she thinks I''m 5 years younger and able to perform on the spot as I did then. I think I'm just getting tired of her wanting to have sex once a week or twice a month and after awhile I begin to say forget about it. Or maybe I got tired of asking her up to the point where I was not going to beg her. Gotta have some pride left. I guess. I'm too tired or I gotta cook something for your lunch is not going to cut it anymore! So now I'm just trying to be open and honest and have asked her to be sensitive to my problem and that it takes two to tango. I hope it will work out and with some medicinal help maybe I / we can get back on track. I hope my story helps in someway and that the both of you get back on track. Good luck to you.
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I have been going through some of the same situations that most of the women here are going through.  I have been married for 6 years and can remember having sexual issues from the beginning.  I truly looked over it because he used to tell me that he was excited to have sex with me and that was why he was having issues.  It made me feel kind of special, at first.  After all of this time hearing that he is too excited doesn't work anymore.  After talking to him, he told me that he has had these issues since he was 20.  I feel so worked up sometimes and need to release.  I used to try to make the first move many times over in the past.  Sometimes I felt that he was just trying it for my benefit, just really not into it.  Other times, I was not really into it.  Sometimes, we would both be ready and once he would start to put it inside, he would release.  That was the most frustrating feeling.  Unfortunately, we have experienced this too many times.  I eventually found that he was taking anti-depressants that he purchased off of the internet so that he could maintain an erection.  It never really worked, but he felt that it did... so what am I supposed to say? He has made efforts due to conversations to visit the Boston Medical Group and the doctor's. The doctor told him that his is very sensitive so he ejaculates quickly.  Seems that he has an issue getting his erection as well.  He is at the point of taking shots to maintain an erection.  They don't work all of the time.  If they are injected wrong, there is no erection.  I don't know what to do!!! I am so frustrated.  I have asked him for an open relationship... he doesn't want to.  I believe that he cheated on me last year... probably trying to see if it's me that he can't maintain an erection for.  This all seems to be too much just to maintain a relationship.  If we were friends, we could have a good friendship without the need to have intercourse.  Both of us are frustrated and don't know what to do.  He wants to find a solution or not be reminded of the issue.  I want to be fulfilled (quickies get old) and appreciated for dealing with such a crazy situation.  He is 10 years my senior and all that I can think about is that this IS going to get worse!!!  I guess that I am saying this to acknowledge that you are not the only one, but as a good woman it is still frustrating to no end.
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Avatar_m_tn
My husband was into porn so bad that when we had sex he was always staying hard but when he got away from porn he had a hard time staying hard,so I don't know if he is back into porn or if he is thinking of a female friend of ours or what cause now there isn't any problem of him staying hard! He doesn't ever want to talk about things like this, I can think of him and I get excited. At one point I thought he might be cheating on me when he was having problems staying hard.
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Avatar_m_tn
My husband was into porn so bad that when we had sex he was always staying hard but when he got away from porn he had a hard time staying hard,so I don't know if he is back into porn or if he is thinking of a female friend of ours or what cause now there isn't any problem of him staying hard! He doesn't ever want to talk about things like this, I can think of him and I get excited. At one point I thought he might be cheating on me when he was having problems staying hard.
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Avatar_f_tn
Personally,  I think you are right. My husband had no problems with erectile dysfunction,until porn entered his life, and it was all downhill (way down), from there. When he finally quit porn, it actually took 2 yrs for my husband to completely regain function and be able to keep an erection. My husband is 59 yrs old, and I guess the older you are, the more difficult it is to regain function from Porn ED. Many people easily dismiss the idea that porn may be THEE problem. They shouldn't. As a man, you understand. And, as a wife, I understand, and wholeheartedly believe that porn can be the main cause of erectile dysfunction.
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Avatar_m_tn
The 800 pound gorilla in the room, a major cause for ED, is physical attractiveness. No desire physically for an unatractive mate is most common.  When my wife was young, i couln't get enough. Now she's an old lady (63) and no figure, overweight and unsexy.  Maybe me too. However, getting in the mood with her takes a lot of work. But, looking at young naked girls still provides powerful stimulation.  I love my wife. She's the best person in the world. But, very difficult to keep an erection or even perform.  Looking at naked pics, I can masterbate and have a strong orgasm everytime.  I regularily try to keep her happy but it's really difficult. I take the pill to keep the erection and it seems to work.  Fading physical attraction is normal as we grow older and never discussed. It's always a mans isue with ED due to High blood pressure or some other physical malady.  Older women shouldn't feel guilty about this. It's the major reason for declining sex as you grow older and not necessarily a medical issue in the man. Man's imagination is the major force behind his sex drive.
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Avatar_f_tn
It is sooo hard when they are watching porn and cant function w/ you though! I am dieng! He can be hard and I touch it and its gone....
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Avatar_f_tn
This is the issue...what if they won't seek help?  What if he doesn't think he is the problem?
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Avatar_m_tn
does yoga help to solve this problem? has anybody experience with it?
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Avatar_f_tn
I am in a similar situation.  We have been married for nearly 20 years.  At the five year mark, things started going downhill.  At about 10 years, sex became a 6-10 times a year event.  Now, we are lucky if we have it 2-3 times a year - and usually that is just an attempt.  He loses his erection before sex can begin.  He says his sex drive is incredibly low.  He has seen a doctor for this issue a few times.  Nothing is wrong, and they usually give him pills (Viagra, etc).  The problem, he will take a pill and not be interested in sex - so it was just a waste.

He tells me all the time that it is not me.  He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful.  I don't feel that way anymore.  Now, it feels like words said to spare my feelings.  I have lost a significant amount of weight and really trimmed myself through running.  If nothing else, he should be attracted to the new me...I feel like it does nothing.  I know they say this is hard on the man - but what about me?  What about my feelings?  What about my needs?

What is a girl to do?  I am hungry for intimacy!  I am hungry for his touch.  I miss sharing this aspect of our marriage.  I now feel like I am living with a roommate...

Any advise :(
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Sorry to hear your situation.  Mine is still the same.  Well it is getting worse.  We were like that in the beginning too. Then it got better and not is getting worse and worse.  I just miss his touch.  My desire has got up and left so that is all good.  He don't want and now I don't want either.  But I do miss "us".  And I don't know if we will ever get it back.  
Sorry I don't have any advise.  I am miserable.  I Pray you find the results and answers you are looking for.  Me, I am done trying.  I give up.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Hoohaa is spot on.  I am a female who's marriage also got destroyed from my ex-husbands porn addiction.  It ended a 21 year relationship.  I am so sorry that you are also experiencing the pain that comes from feeling not desired, not sexy enough, etc.  I hope you are able to find a way to approach the subject with him and hopefully work it out before it harms your relationship any further.  All the best wishes....
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Avatar_f_tn
Hoohaa is spot on.  I am a female who's marriage also got destroyed from my ex-husbands porn addiction.  It ended a 21 year relationship.  I am so sorry that you are also experiencing the pain that comes from feeling not desired, not sexy enough, etc.  I hope you are able to find a way to approach the subject with him and hopefully work it out before it harms your relationship any further.  All the best wishes....
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Avatar_m_tn
HealthyJackLikesSex,

You're full of crap with it being the man is NOT attracted anymore to the woman. That is in very few cases. Bye the way, who told you that you were healthy? AND who would broadcast that and that they like sex. Your user name says it all! You are vain and ARE putting women down! You're the one that just needs to face it.
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Avatar_m_tn
HealthyJackLikesSex,

You're full of crap with it being the man is NOT attracted anymore to the woman. That is in very few cases. Bye the way, who told you that you were healthy? AND who would broadcast that and that they like sex. Your user name says it all! You are vain and ARE putting women down! You're the one that just needs to face it. Blessings.
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Avatar_m_tn
I was having trouble obtaining and maintaining a strong enough erection to make it through at least 10 minutes of sex with my bride. I had lost a lot of desire and my energy was way down also. I had tried many natural products with no success and lots of side effects including upset. Nothing seemed to work and i was tired of experimenting with other products. I decided to try  prolargentsize I am sure glad that i did. This product has just the right herbs in just the right combination for my body that has my energy up throughout the day and makes me harder
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Avatar_f_tn
this mighy hurt but im going to be honest.when.a.guy acts the.way ur husband is acting is because hes.not intrested.in u and hes cheating or talking.to someone younger.... try to buy toys dress up.sexy show.him what ur about good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
girl he is addicted to porn and mayb not even that he could.be cheating with a younger women... u want.ur husband back try new things buy sex toys.get.sexy stay in shape
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Avatar_m_tn
that is wrong thing
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Avatar_f_tn
I know this post is 3 yrs old, but I want to respond anyway, so that anyone reading this in the future will have the answer they deserve. Your husband has PORN ED. Some men get this after viewing very little porn. For others, it takes longer. Pornography changes the brain. It alters the pleasure chemicals in the brain, and actually causes brain damage. Three yrs ago, when this post was written, very little was known about Porn ED. It is all over the internet now. Luckily, the brain can eventually heal from this, but it takes time. The cure, NO PORN, NO MASTURBATION. When you catch your husband watching porn, and he says, "Oh, this is the only time I ever did this"  ********! Pornography, erases a man's desires for sex with real women. And, they become physically incapable of having intercourse with their wife, because they can't get it up with a real woman. So, PORN ED is the answer. Take it from here with tons of research on the subject......
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Avatar_f_tn
I know this post is 3 yrs old, but I want to respond anyway, so that anyone reading this in the future will have the answer they deserve. Your husband has PORN ED. Some men get this after viewing very little porn. For others, it takes longer. Pornography changes the brain. It alters the pleasure chemicals in the brain, and actually causes brain damage. Three yrs ago, when this post was written, very little was known about Porn ED. It is all over the internet now. Luckily, the brain can eventually heal from this, but it takes time. The cure, NO PORN, NO MASTURBATION. When you catch your husband watching porn, and he says, "Oh, this is the only time I ever did this"  ********! Pornography, erases a man's desires for sex with real women. And, they become physically incapable of having intercourse with their wife, because they can't get it up with a real woman. So, PORN ED is the answer. Take it from here with tons of research on the subject......
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to agree with you.  I suspect my husband has been getting his somewhere else and  feels he has to perform with me and then struggles.  He would never admit this to me in a million years.  When I mentioned he might go to the doctors given I know he likes sex, he said he didn't have a problem yet he blatantly does when with me.  I feel very sad hurt and angry about it all personally and if he no longer finds me sexually attractive would rather he just admitted it and moved on.  Hard after 33 years of marriage but at least I would know where I stood.  Seems to me also, another blunt truth is they want the comfort of the long relationship but to eat their cake too.  Is this what you are saying?
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Avatar_m_tn
Ok...so my husband and I have been married 10 yrs together 20+, we have 2 beautiful kids the oldest 6.....he cant hold an erection during sex anymore even while I'm down on him he can go soft....this sound normal to you?  He has always claimed I give the best **.....I'm worried as to how if that is true I cant keep him hard!  Is it me or is it something with him?  I want him to see a dr and get checked out, but he wont.....do I have to live with this?  I love him and know hes faithful and loves me, but wtf?  I wanna *** too!
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Avatar_f_tn
Well we stopped having sex 6 years back..he said he had no desire just didn't want sexy.. He did have the beginnings of ED.. But he refused to go to the doctor..
meanwhile I find out my hubby was having an emotional affair with a 23 yr old and last year an affair with a 25 yr old.. Ladies I am afraid the guys who says they aren't in to us is just being honest.. Right after the affair he was so in to me like when we met 20 years ago.. Been married 18 years and he destroys my world now i am not into him.. So sex is ok... And now he's starting with ED problems again.. But he's committed to the marriage.. I am not sure ladies its worth it.. He might want to get with another **** half my age again ehh.. So since he is committed he tries but I still get no satisfaction thinking he dumped me for some *****..
So look carefully my friends because he could easily be with some ***** ***** who has no morals about him being married..
Good luck..
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I don't know what to tell all you wonderful ladies.  My husband has made a 360.  Sex had been good for a while.  Then it went off again.  No sex for 2 or 3 weeks then sex for a few days then no sex for 2 months then a few times again.  Now it is going well when we do have sex.  He is not going soft during anymore.  Don't know what he is doing different.  Don't know if he was with someone else and that is why he could not with me.  Don't know if it was looking at nasty pics.  I just don't know.  He still looks.  Not as much.  And not right before sex with me like it used to be.  I just don't know.  But from reading some of your posts it seems like he was having issues because he was into someone else.  He says no.  That I am the only one and have always been.  But don't know if I believe that.  Thanks to all for the stories.  I am sorry I can't help.  I wish I could.  But I am still trying to understand it myself.  
God Bless
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh wow yall make me feel better I'm 28 and my husband is 25 we been together for 3 yrs we have never had an arguement. Well except for me fussing about sex. First in out relationship we was long distance and saw each other on weekends. And we had sex 1 time a week. And it didn't bother me but when we moved in together it stayed the same then as time went on it went from 1 time a week to every other week and most of the time it seems he only does it to shut me up I got to a point where I was afraid to even try for the fear of getting shut down I hate being told no it hurts my feelings. Any way here in the past month everything has changed he was in a wreck and dr has him on muscle relaxers and he is wanting sex every night and all he want to do is watch porn the whole time I'm on top of him which is the only position we been doing cause he's afraid he will hurt himself. Anyways he watches the porn on his phone and the phone is always between us and it urks me so tonight I took the phone away from him and the expression on his face to me was like total boredom and he went soft and he says its cause the porn helps him stay hard cause he's on the muscle relaxers. I don't get it. He's always been honest with me but maybe someone can explain this to me cause I'm so confused I feel fat and ugly because went from sexy porn stars to this.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Have your testosterone checked.  If your level is down, easy gel medication works well.  You have to have your blood work checked often to see if things are where they should be.  
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139792_tn?1299416777
Muscle relaxant acting as aphrodisiac, is rare.I think the doctor who has prescribed the muscle relaxant can give you better insight int this problem.Porno is also an addiction. If he does not stop porno, he may lose reduce his libido as well.I think advice from Sex therapist and the doctor who  prescribed muscle relaxant medicine.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi all . . . . don't know if any one can help here or not , but any suggestions or comments are more than welcome .

I'm 45 and My wife is 39, we have been together for about 17yrs ( married for the last seven ) we have a 5yr old daughter who is amazing  . . . Since getting married , sex has become a lesser part of our relationship , and following the birth of our daughter we very rarely seem to have sex ( maybe once a month , or maybe even two months  . . .

However my issue is that I found my wifes vibrator , and since then I have no inclination to have sex at all  . . . (.my wife doesn't know that I found it  ).  . Don't get me wrong  , I'm not prude  , and do watch the odd bit of porn   , but since the discovery of the vibrator I have absolutely no interest in sex , or even masturbation  and cant even get aroused ..

Is this in any way normal ? Or is it just  envy / jealousy knowing that my wife is finding pleasure elsewhere . ??? I do love her dearly , but like most men , I have trouble in talking about sexual matters  , and as yet have not confronted her about my findings  .

I've also found that she's been  shopping online for adult toys for me for Xmas  . . . . .. but I can honestly say I'm extremely apprehensive and recently have been suffering from Anxiety, I've not been able to sleep and lost at least 15lbs with the worry ,

Sorry for going on and on  .. . . but its really eating me up   ...
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139792_tn?1299416777
Casting spell to restore your relationship is not possible. If at all it is done, it will be a fake.This appear to be a false propaganda.Ensure the reliability of the person to whom your are recommended.
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139792_tn?1299416777
When she is remains unsatisfied, she will resort to artificial stimulation to satisfy herself. Many a time we do not care for our partner's orgasm or we are so excited that we ejaculate prematurely. In this case they will masturbate to reach orgasm.
In your case, when you have sexual activity, Masturbate her to orgasm. You may be open with her and participate in mutual masturbation. And eventually she may fed ii[ with masturbation and have normal relationship.
For giving her more satisfaction, learn some exercises to enhance your sexual power and learn new sexual postures.When she gives you presents of sexual toys means she would cooperate with you. Use your own creativity to lure her back to you. YOu may also take advice or a consultant. There are many threads of messages and websites which advice us on sexual performance.Learn kegel exercise.Teach her the same exercise. Then while doing intercourse kegel each other. Google kegel and visit few sites. Wish you best of luck.
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139792_tn?1299416777
Kegeling each other will give both of you a different type of sensation. this wil be a full body orgasm.when a man kegels the movement of his genita will be verticle and when female kegels, her vaginal muscles grips male organ strongly.If you have this type of orgasm, you will forget all toys. Sexual activity is a strong link between life partners.experimentation with new techniques. Learn them and practice them and use them in your sexual activity.TAoist yoga and kundaine youga will teach and give in-depth info on the subject.
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Avatar_m_tn
you said it yourself:  A woman is supposed to please her man just like he is supposed to please her.  No difference there.  And a woman is supposed to make her man feel aroused.  That is what I am having a problem with. Is it me not making him feel aroused?
Nothing is more enjoyable than sex. In fact having sex is fundamental to a better life and health.
What I am about to saying includes all women with the same problem. If you are supposed to make your man feel aroused, and you are having a problem with it, what do you expect from your man? Aside from men and women who go to clubs almost every night and have a different way of life ( I say it because at one point I was one of them, and every night I had more than 1-2-3 girls who wanted to have sex with me, if I can call it sex!), most of the men who love their wives or girlfriends, they are not lying. They mean it. But do you honestly know what you are supposed to do to keep him around and satisfied? Not all men become satisfied the same way. We are as much human and have our own ways of getting aroused. Men in love don't watch porn unless they watch them with their partners, and is okay to both of them, and they don't go with others. This is the magic of love. You need to go through trial and errors and see which one works. At home without asking him try whatever comes to your imagination without being volunteer to letting him know what your are doing is for him. for example try at all time wearing sexy and half nude stuff, and do it for your own pleasure, and see what his reaction is. If it doesn't work try something else. If he goes to work, when he comes home, try to be at your best shape, hug him, and kiss him gently. If he needs to be alone for the first half hour, give him the privilege. By your actions you are letting him know that no matter what, you are with him and back him up at all time. He needs to make sure as much as he loves you, he have the same feeling towards him. If you think he needs to see a doctor for distress, depression, anxiety, etc., or he needs to use pills, ask your or his closest friend to indirectly talk to him and encourage him to go through it. Don't say it to him yourself. This way not only you are not helping him but let him make a wider distance between you and himself. Only engage in these kinds of conversation if he asks for it, and stick to what he is asking. Don't tell him all the things you have kept to yourself and suffered for them. In other words, don't complain. Gradually he comes around.  Remember he needs you more than anything else, and the key to overcome his problem is you, but learn how best is effective, and remember you don't need to have sex just in bed. If you use your wild imagination, there are hundreds if not thousands of ways that you can search on internet. If you have kids, always put him ahead of your kids, and make sure he gets your attention.
Let me give you another example; when I am havig sex with my girlfriend, we have oral sex. I talk to here (rather whisper) and touch her gently and tell her what she wants to hear and I truly want to say. I immediately get erection. I can have intercourse with her first and then arouse her to the point to of having orgasm, I love her so much that I prefer to do anything possible, no matter how long it takes, to take her to her peak of her enjoyment and make sure she has her orgasm. I confess sometimes after that, and before having intercourse, I lose my erection. But I am not upset, and explain to her that a man's erection (and this differs from man to man) has a certain time, and I would love to see she enjoys the sex, and I think of myself as secondary because I love her.
I hope this helps.
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks.  I don't complain.  I just don't say anything.  He WILL NOT see a doctor.  Not for depression for sure because he says he don't understand why people need pills for that. Just find out what makes you unhappy and fix it.  And as far as seeing a doctor for going soft, That will not happen.  He don't see that he has a problem.  So now it is HIS problem.  I guess he don't love me like you love your girlfriend.  But it don't matter.  We have not had sex in over 3 months.  And I am good with that.  I am to the point that I don't like him very much anymore.  I love him and I always will.  I just don't like him very much anymore.  
And one other point.  It should not be just women who have to figure what a man wants.  A man should see what a woman want also.  And it is impossible to figure what a man wants because he wants everything he can't have.  Even when  he has the best right in front of him.  
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Avatar_m_tn
I have been married for 33 years.  We have 3 children and haven't had "normal sex" for years without meds.  We have given up because the meds are way too expensive.  It is discouraging and I have felt like a less than adequate wife for years.  I am only about 110 lbs. and have dieted thinking I'm not what he wants.  This is so confusing and embarraing and is the unspoken pain in marriages.  I don't know how to help but I want you to know you are not alone.  Joashland
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1247529_tn?1313499931
Thanks.   I completely know that feeling of being less than adequate.  I have felt that way for a long time also.  Now I am just tired.  Tired of everything.  Don't care anymore.  Done.  Yes it is confusing.  I know I am not 20 something anymore.  I know I am not 102 pounds like I was when we got married.  I know and have tried to loose a few pounds.  But I can't do anything about the age and what time has done.  BUT he is not 20 something anymore either.  He is not 145 pounds either more like 215 now.  And up until a few months ago that did not bother me at all.  Now because of his out right looking at young, sexy girls and saying he can't stop I don't even want sex with him.  So I guess all is good.  He don't want sex with me and I don't with him.  So we just exist.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I am 29 and my husband is 37 he takes bloodpressure pills and an anti anxiety pill in the morning. He can only get an erection in the morning but just know your not alone. This is my second marriage the first marriage he was a very sick S.O.B he was addicted to porn he would hide it around the house he was so desperate he stole my daughters portable DVD player to watch his flicks in the truck. After battling with HIS ADDICTION for 7 years my youngest daughter whom was 5 at the time brought me a magazine she found under her bed I was floored.  It was a very explicit magazine my daughter said momma this looks like it hurts. About 2 months later my now exhusband come clean that he had been having sex outside our marriage for several months. So we divorced. My current husband has E.D. and yes I get upset at times but we get through it I'm not a super model by no means but I am attractive.  I wish my husband would lose some weight he's 6'3 and 235Ibs. I think it would benefit him greatly in a lot of areas of his health. But he's awesome. Caring, affectionate, and a wonderful stepdad. I really hope you don't give up on your husband.  But to have fun with the situation girl get YOU a cordless jackrabbit. Don't tell him your getting it but don't hide it let him find it hek let him catch you using it guarantee you he won't like the fact he's not man enough for you anymore!
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